Dating thread 79

[louby44]

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

abiga - it does get better. The quality of people out there generally doesn't improve, but:

You develop a thicker skin so you're more comfortable scanning a message and clicking Delete/block rather than just replying because you think it's polite
You improve your profile or change dating site to get better quality
You learn how to read the flags in someone's messages or profile and avoid interacting with them.

I think Jarlin hit the nail on the head:

I don't need a man, I want a man...

The trouble is I think that an awful lot of men like to be needed... I think there's something buried deep within many men that responds to being needed.

This is purely my own theory but women get on with so much that after a long marriage while we're busy 'getting on with' looking after kids, ageing parents, working full time and all of the other stuff we do a lot of men are off 'being needed' elsewhere. Boiling it all down I think that's why my XH had an affair. Everything else was pretty good but I can honestly say he would not have felt 'needed'. I'm not planning to be needy any time soon though!

Good point Before, I think that's where a lot of the game playing stems from. They'll wait for a month til you crack and text them so you're the one being needy rather than just admit they like you/ want to see you sometimes. I don't get that.

Quite simply I am sure the RL marrieds are a tinsy winsy bit envious.... I earn more than many, and have a great relationship with dd, we have a good life style, and then I will persist in reeling off a list of OLD potentials...or actuals...and then have to listen to why they are unsuitable for me, and I need to wait...oh ...yes..FOR A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR!! This was said to me the other day, I simply said, well I prefer a little more of a pragmatic approach...like a decent job, amusing anecdotes, good manners....I thought I had the shiny armour stuff with the exh and I AM NOT an 11 year old...husbands LIKE YOURS think its OK to hit on me.....

Jarlin....oh no its crappy when they are back online and you like them so much. :-(

Sweet trolley Jarlin :( my crush is addicted to the sweet trolley and although I can be lots of things I can't be lots of different people.

I often wonder if I could give up that mentality myself but I think I could now.

Hi all, so much to catch up on...

Jarlin The second man who sent the "I might" text seems entitled and a bit arrogant, or perhaps it was just badly worded. Maybe it is his way of saying he has other dates very soon and wants to make a considered choice. If this is so, it might have been better to explain, but I think men generally tend to be more blunt than women. (generalisation alert)

Folk I am glad he has clarified the details so you can rest and not worry. I am friends with all my long term exs. But they are exs for a reason!

rose why do they do these things. I think it's because the internet is full of advice for dating, and the advice now is that nothing is exclusive unless both parties agree verbally. I think this is a crap development because it usually falls to women to have to chase this agreement and illicit compliance. Makes me want to scream. Before the assumption was always: Date, date some more, DTD = start of lovely new relationship.

louby44 good luck with the RL date, sounds great.

I think there should be a new thread rule:

You cannot assume you are in a relationship until you have had the exclusive chat

Good luck to everyone who is going on a date - I am going to catch up on the latest goings on here.

I am not (quite!) ready to give up yet. I have another date this week, or possibly 2 but the second one I might not go on because he has started talking about sex after a short amount of time talking. Am I right to not go there? The last two pervy people I had the misfortune to meet clearly saw me as nothing but an object and that's not what I want even though I'm not sure if I really want a full on relationship right now. But I wanted to meet people who like me as a person instead of pretending to and then taking only about my looks/ body etc.

Lottie...in what context was he talking about sex?

I don't think that feeling like you want to be needed is a gendered thing. Lots of women like to feel needed. I think most men like to feel wanted and probably appreciated, much the same as us.

I agree little...but I think the difference is that it is easier for us as women to express this, and so many men are wrapped up in macho-ness it is not something that they like to make obvious.

Bant is clearly the exception here.

He suddenly asked whether I'd had sex on a beach.

BeforeAndAfter, sadly it seems necessary. But who should kick this convo off? Why is it usually women who have to do this emotional work in a relationship. Too many men force this on us, then panic because they think a women is trying to tie them down, which then further perpetuates the idea that all women want rings and men their freedom. and when we think all men want freedom to try every desert on the trolley, this means that all men rate their own behaviour against this measure of masculinity. It almost pigeon holes people into gender specific behaviours and thought patterns.

lottieandmia, isn't that a cocktail?

No, he was asking within the context of sand being an issue. I'm very wary now of sex talk at all.