Don't know what to do

[Sickandworried]

Have NC for this.

I am pretty sure my DP of 10 yrs is having an affair. We have 2 DC and I'm 35wks pregnant with our third.

I know it sounds odd asking strangers what to do but I have no friends or family near and don't feel I have anyone to talk to.

I have had suspicions for a little while but put it down to pregnancy hormones (have had thoughts like this when pregnant previously)

He gets home from work later than me (we are on holiday so no work at the moment). He constantly goes out, just short trips, walking dog or shop etc.

I got suspicious as all of a sudden he was keeping his phone on him, previously it would be laying around, not on etc.

I did the stupid thing today as for once he left it at home when he went out with the kids. It was turned off so I turned it on and looked. There was one message (he usually deletes everything as he goes along so I was quite surprised to find anything) it was from an unsaved number, sent at 5.30 in the morning. The gist was ' what are your plans today?' It then asked when they could say hello, even if briefly for half an hour.

I feel sick, he is seeing someone else isn't he? How the hell do I deal with this? Do I ask him outright and admit to looking at his phone?

Shit what am I going to do?

[badbaldingballerina123]

I wonder if Anna has a point. You also said he was talking on the phone at 3am and it sounds like this has been going on a while. I don't think potential swingers would be up for long term communication. Stupid cheaters will happily admit to what they perceive to be a lesser crime to hide the bigger crime. Have you googled that number , or searched that number on Facebook ?

[Jan45]

From what I have heard a lot of these sex meet ups can be through the night, not just daytime.

[badbaldingballerina123]

Does he watch a lot of porn Op ?

[Sickandworried]

He denied talking on the phone at 3am.

I'm not aware he watches porn but I go to bed earlier so he could.

I have tried to find out who owns the number but apparently you can't do that.

If I rang it myself I wouldn't know what to say, would it be best to ring it from his phone?

[badbaldingballerina123]

Have you tried on Facebook ?

[Sickandworried]

I've typed the number in fb but it says no results.

Am tempted to txt number from his phone and just say 'how are you?' Or something to see if they reply.

[Jan45]

Worth a shot but I would imagine whoever it is has been pre-warned, he knows you have his phone.

[Sickandworried]

My naive thought was that if I have his phone how would he contact them, the number wasn't saved, I have written it down.

[Jan45]

via email or however it was he was talking to them online.

[Sickandworried]

Yeah suppose, was sort of going along the lines of the internet couple story being bullshit and it being someone else.

I don't know, thanks for keeping me company though. Have shut myself away upstairs to rest after scare. Can't really face him or the kids.

[Fontella]

Is there absolutely no-one in RL you can confide in? Give them number to them and get them to contact it?

[Sickandworried]

Not face to face round here no.

I'm considering contacting a friend but like has been said I would have to say it all out loud and I feel stupid.

[Jan45]

If it's a good friend, they will want the best for you and want to support you, by keeping his secret you are effectively covering for him, you need someone for goodness sake, at the moment, he's pretty much enemy no 1, I hope you call that friend soon.

[Fontella]

What is there to feel stupid about?

Your H has been going on sex sites and has given out his phone number to a sexual contact, at the very least although personally I'm sure there is far more to it than that. (3am phone conversation that you heard with your own ears, that he denies and tells you you imagined ffs!). You've got the phone number and want to check it out. Nothing stupid about that. There's plenty of women in your situation who would want to do the same, me included.

However, if it was me, to be honest, I'd leave it for a bit. Let things die down a little. You are under immense stress at the moment, and your health really is paramount. If I was in your shoes I'd put that number away somewhere - let him (and her/them) think you've swallowed his BS.

I know it's so incredibly difficult but try and focus on your own mental and physical well being. If your husband is being attentive and caring, bloody well let him. If it was me I'd make the fucker wait on me hand and foot and kiss my arse, while I bide my time.

Then later on when he thinks he's got away with it, I'd make contact with that number or get someone to do it for me. One way or another I'd find out what the fucker had been up to and then deal with it.

LTB is all very well, but you are in an incredibly difficult position right now, and you have to put yourself, the baby, and the little ones first. No disrepect but fuck your H right now. Put him at the bottom of the list where he belongs - there's unfinished business there of course, but I'm not convinced that now is the time you should be trying to deal with it. Others will disagree with me I'm sure, but I know I couldn't in your situation and I'd play the waiting game.

In the meantime, please don't fall for his bullshit and lies, because that's what it is, and you know it. Do what you have to do to get through the next few weeks but don't kick the can down the road indefinately. Your H has betrayed you in the most despicable way and that is something that you should never lose sight of, no matter how contrite and remorseful he may appear.

[Quitelikely]

How about asking a trusted friend to call the number for you?

[Sickandworried]

I've sent a txt to the number, now I really feel sick.

[fluffyraggies]

What did you say OP?

I'd be ringing or texting the number too.

[Sickandworried]

I just said 'sorry, been trying to find a min. How are you?'

I though less was the way forward otherwise it may give me away. No reply as of yet.

[ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA]

oh no OP would feel exactly the same.
Save the number, text asking to meet at the park, take your dc's for a play early evening and see who turns up I know it will be hard but if anything is going on this could be a way of finding out who it is and if it's suspicious.???

[fluffyraggies]

I think he's prob'ly warned the owner of the number by now :(

It's worth a shot though. Even if just to feel you're 'doing' something. You must look after yourself though OP. I know it's hard but try not to spend time just stressing. I wonder if there'll be an answer?

[Snapespeare]

If I were having an affair with a married man and he told me his wife suspected something was up and that she had seen a text, so possibly had my number... I would go and buy a 99p PAYG sim card and discard the old PAYG sim card I had been using. Don't expect a response OP, unless they are really stupid about covering their tracks.

[Itsfab]

You have nothing to feel stupid about, you haven't done anything wrong.

I would call the number and be honest. Say you are the wife, are about to give birth and would appreciate them telling you what has gone on with no come back to them. They aren't the ones who have betrayed you and you might get lucky, it might be they have a conscience.

[Jan45]

Do you really think:

1. they haven't already been pre warned

and

1. have a conscience - when they are mtg up for no strings sex with strangers and/or know the man they are having sex with is married???

[showtunesgirl]

If you're that suspicious, this means you don't trust him.

In my book, that means the relationship is over anyway.

[Sickandworried]

Well I don't trust him now, I did but he has screwed that all up.

If I felt he was telling me the truth then I could try to process it all but I just don't.