Hello lovely. I've read your thread, and your confusion is palpable. No wonder, he has tied you up in endless bits of string to get you stuck fast..
What jumps out at me is that he is training you - to be the obedient servant. He could perfectly well do eg the mortgage payments himself (as well as get his time sheet in on time) but he is getting you laden down with tasks, using fear/financial insecurity to keep you off-balance, to keep you in such a spin you can't think straight. His strategy, to train you to be obedient, is behind all he does eg he complains and grumbles that he 'is working hard for you/the family's benefit' and look how hard it is for him; while you just aren't coming up to scratch on your side of the agreement: to be the obedient, grateful, non-complaining wife. He doesn't come home because you are not yet adequately trained - see how he points out the water in the bathroom, you are not yet the adequate servant, the domestic goddess; see how he is happy and appeased when the house is perfect so you can play the perfect family with his folks. If you argue with him it proves you have not yet learned obedience to your master, and he has to punish you to get you to learn re going away this weekend without prior notice or consulting you. You are not an equal partner.
That, and he has a PD.
if you did stay with him, turning a blind eye to his insanity (not that you're be able to do it without getting even more severe spaghetti head), your daughters would end up in the same type of relationship. As his mother's children have.
Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? One near you. Can't link but do look it up and sign up to a local course - it really is excellent. The above examples show clear King of the Castle characteristics. And that's the least of it, I imagine.
Like you, I used to think i was a fraud because my husband never hit me (except once a slap to get me to behave, rather like you'd slap a dog). Please don't underestimate the terrible toll of this invisible and extremely corrosive abuse. I have met so many women who were hit, who say they'd be hit any day rather than endure this mindbending torture.
I took a non-molestation order out on my mindbending exH soon after I left him. He was also not permitted to come beyond the gate. He made a huge song and dance, I think you're going to have to accept he is going to fight bitterly.
You're doing exactly the right thing, well done, keep going, don't doubt yourself (though you will because his training has been partially absorbed). Plough on through and get you and your girls free of his malign influence. You are doing marvellously, it's so hard to get free when they've ground us down to dust.
Ime just a surprisingly short while away from them and peace and sanity takes up residence again. It is absolute bliss.