Having read the relationships board afair bit since my exhusband and I seperated a couple of years ago, and reflecting on my own experiences, I can't help but wonder if all men are cheating, would cheat if they had the opportunity, are looking for opportunities, on POF and the like.
My dad cheated on my mum.
Her best friend's husband tried it on with her.
My exh cheated on me. He was the last person I'd have ever expected to cheat. I know everyone says that, but I really thought I'd found a 'good one'. The kind who dropped a friend who invited him to a lapdancing club when we were together, hated the way some TV storylines treated infidelity so casually, never even so much as noticeably looked at another woman in the street, didn't flirt, didn't go out much, worked hard, good family man... blah blah... then I discovered he'd been going on NSA websites and was having an affair with a woman at work. I ended the marriage.
My LTR before that cheated on me and got another woman pregnant while we were together.
Since then, four men have shown an interest in me. Two of them are/were married. (One is single. The other is my boyfriend.)
The first, I met through friends. We hit it off and became friends. He went on to tell me that he'd fallen in love with me and tried every line: they were only together for the children; he would leave if he could; they didn't have sex anymore; they should never have married in the first place; they weren't even friends any more... I ended the 'friendship'.
The second was more of a shock. I've known he and his wife for several years. He isn't claiming to be in love with me, and I certainly don't think he's looking for an 'exit affair'. I'm assuming he just fancies me and thinks it would be nice to see what I'm 'like', or something. I suppose. Who knows.
The point is, the wives of both of these men would think they have nothing to worry about. I don't really know the first man's wife very well, but he is quiet, unassuming, rather lacking in confidence, educated, intelligent and intellectual. The second, I know trusts her husband implicitly, he clearly and openly adores her, and, the sad thing is, he is the man I kept in mind as 'proof' that there are decent men out there. These are both decent, hardworking, either at work or at home, not out at the pub or away on business... The kind of men that women on here are with who say, "I know my husband would never cheat". At least one is close with his wife, there are no cracks in their relationship, he is supportive of her, and compliments her and is just lovely and sweet to her. In fact, I have always held every aspect of their family/relationship in my mind as proof that it's out there and it can work. These are those men.
And I haven't done anything to court or invite it. I'm not the sort of woman other women worry about being around their husbands; I've really rather average in most respects, I don't flirt. I'm hardly a 'femme fatale'. So I'm guessing it's not the first time for either of them in reality.
History suggests I'm the sort of woman men cheat on , not with So this is really affecting how I feel about my own boyfriend and relationships in general.
And I know people are going to say that these men are just bastards and that there are decent men out there, but these are the decent men. Or at least, their wives (and I!) believed they are, and that's all any of us have to go on after all, isn't it?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Infidelity
NCforconfidentiality · 22/07/2014 05:14
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.