DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

[Snowie2]

How is everyone ? Day 5 and I'm very tired. Finding it easy enough maybe cos I've done this before it's easier to slip into it. Is anyone else tired ? Should have more energy :) I've also lost a whole pound from not trying. I'd say in these 5 days would def have had best part of bottle of wine as it fell over a weekend.

[CornChips]

Morning everyone.... lucky Snowie losing a pound The exhaustion in the early days is mind boggling.

Haggis- hope you have a great holiday. :)

For those of you who may not know, Mrs D the blogger has launched her community, interactive website Living Sober. I have registered and am on the fora as ShinyNewLife. :) I know Lucy is on there too.

www.livingsober.org.nz/

As for me, well I fell apart last night and drank half a bottle of red. Why? I was feeling sad, vulnerable, stressed, all those things and thought 'stuff it'. Wine does not help, and so this morning I feel sad, vulnerable, stressed AND I hate myself. Good going CornChips.

Plus I have set myself back and think today will be a whiteknuckler and I was doing pretty well. You can imagine how I view myself this morning. And I may have inadvertently offended someone last night, and am replaying the conversation over and over.

It is just so so so not worth it.

[ArtVandelay]

I went to AA last night. It was good. I'm 7 days sober (or 24 hours in AA parlance). Just wanted to tell someone!

I might post again - I do lurk on this thread :)

Thanks

[CornChips]

Do post Art. :) (Love Seinfeld).

Will be lovely to have you with us.

[Lucy2610]

No matter Cornchips these slips and trips teach us things :) Please don't be hard on yourself it is all part of the journey. I am on Living Sober under the moniker of hangoverfree and I've even up loaded a photo eek!

Snowie - congrats on the weight loss and yes the tiredness is debilitating in the beginning. I could have slept for a week

Art - welcome! :)

Haggis - hope the rescue remedy helps and have a lovely holiday

[CornChips]

Hello again. :) And at you too Lucy, your photo is really lovely!

Thanks for kind supportive words. I am feeling better. Yes it taught me something. Have an AA meeting planned for tomorrow evening also. :) So, my default setting when I feel fragile...... break out the booze. No, can't be doing with that. I rang the person I thought I may have offended and she had no idea what I was on about, so that is a relief. I can be a bit foot in mouth.

What a lovely shiny sunny day it is out there. Hope everyone is going well.

[Lucy2610]

Kind of you to say Cornchips. I hate having photos taken as just hate looking at myself. Self-esteem issues much? :)
So glad to hear that no harm was done in the foot in mouth dept and that you've a meeting planned. You can do this and I'd have probably done the same - it was hard stuff you did and that's why we drank, or it was for me anyway.

[stayingdry]

cornchips, dust yourself down, back on it chick
welcome art, and I will take a look at the blog you are all on about when I get a mo.
off to AA in a bit, 11 months sobriety now and chuffed and totally shocked.
me a year ago, couldn't do 11 hours so , catch yoh all later

[Lucy2610]

Hey Stayingdry awesome achievement! :) Enjoy your meeting. I guess we must have similar sobriety dates? Mines 21/09/2013

[stayingdry]

lucy, mines September 5th, had a good reminder of how close a drink is last night at meeting. A guy came in after 10 years sobriety, went out for a meal with family and decided he could have 1 glass of wine with his meal. 6months later, he's daughter's have disowned him and partners about to leave.
frightening

[CornChips]

That is really frightening stayingdry. I am trying an AA meeting in London this afternoon. I am really looking forward to it. :)

Lucy- self esteem is a funny thing. I look at your photo and see a slim gorgeous blonde, with a lovely warm smile. I am not sure what you see! But, when I look at myself I see a fat, frumpy, mumsy bloated woman who looks as if she has just finished weeding the flower bed. Yet someone the other day said to me 'You always look so glamorous'. I nearly fell off my chair. I was only wearing jeans, a n M and Co shirt and a bracelet.

I am planning to upload my photo too when I feel a bit more confident.

Hope everyone has a good day and a better weekend.

[stayingdry]

cornchips, I know exactly where you are coming from on the confidence issue. since doing the AA steps though I am a different person . I am confident in my own skin now, I am a good person, a good mum , have no need to be conscious of my behaviour either present or past. I am a kind good woman, and if others can't see that, then that is their problem.
materially I may not have what others have but I can look in the mirror now and like what I see. A year ago, I wouldn't of even looked in the mirror.
good luck at the meeting, I hope you gear at least one thing that helps you. I struggled big time wjth the word god, but then I got behind the fact its one of my understanding, a power only I can imagine. also try substituting G.o.d. with Group Of Drunks. let us know how you get on.

I hope everyone is having a good day, bright and sunny here in the midlands, having a new floor fitted today, having to practise my tolerance and acceptance

[BigglesFliesUndone]

Hi all. Cornchips, don't worry about it - you know you can do it and you'll get back fine xx Good luck with AA.

I will check out that site too - may carefully choose an old snap too .

Had a roller coaster few days really, few problems with all three children! from 24 down to 8 years old, they don't stop worrying us!

Good news is, we are off for three days on sunday. Long story but we were meant to stay at one place for a week but that fell through on Tuesday! so, I have been frantically searching for last minutes and found a beautiful barn place b an b on the coast for me dh and dd2, ds refusing to come as it will be 'boring' so dd1 is coming to stay and look after him.

Feeling like I really want to have a few drinks there to be honest but intend to take my running stuff and whop them out at any thought of alcohol!! . Hope the weather is ok, looks like it may be.

Well done to everyone. We're all here for a reason and we all can do it x

[Snowie2]

1 week today ! Nearly had my customary Friday bottle of vino but just decided not to. So glad these last few months I really missed being off it & the extra time you gain etc. definitely the best decision! How much did everyone drink on average ? If I'm honest I'd say possibly half to 3quarters a bottle if i opened one about twice a week on average. If with friends etc could be more but that rarely happened only ev few months ! I know it's not the point but still :)

[ArtVandelay]

Hi. How did your aa meeting go Cornchips?

I really like aa. I am pleased that I have found a nice group that I can gel with.

Snowie - I don't think it matters how much you drink, more what is behind it and wether or not its acceptable to you. I've met people who would drink 24 hours a day until they were rushed to hospital, dry out and then do it all again. I cannot control my wine drinking on my own, just because its much lower than those other people doesnt mean its different. The pathology is the same. Just my opinion. Its also less stressful just to admit you are Art or Snowy or whoever and you are an alcoholic rather than twisting your brain around the whys and wherefores. Again, just my opinion.

[merce]

Hello all. Have been off the thread for a while - but not drinking. Will go back and have a proper catch up in a bit .But wanted to just 'show up' and say hi.

Someone - I think Cornchips - was talking unthread about having noticed the link between alcohol and depression. I think that is very true and can also be a good reason to give if pushed about why one isn't drinking. I have started to use it sometimes: 'I find alcohol really affects my mood - it is a depressant after all'. Quite a good one. And certainly did make me depressed because I was drinking alcoholically and it led to horrendous consequences, probably would have been ok if I was a 'normal' drinker.

Have been feeling quite low lately (to continue on the theme of depression). Not sure why. Not drinking and don't intend to, but frustrating as had been really very 'up' for a good while. Suspect reason is staring me in the face as I feel v. disconnected from AA. Have hardly got to any meetings over the summer holidays and haven't spoken to my sponsor for ages. Left her a message about something quite personal a while ago and she didn't reply - so felt quite rejected. I know she has a lot going on in her life right now so don't want to bother her, but has turned into a really silly length of time now with no contact so almost daren't pick up the phone now. Bloody pathetic I know!!!

Sorry - long, tedious post.

[Lucy2610]

Evening all :)
stayingdry Your recount of your fellow member at AA and his relapse after 10 years pulls you up short doesn't it? Frightening indeed.
Cornchips Thank you for your kind words and if only I saw what you saw!! I could list all the flaws that I see but I won't bore you. We are all so critical of ourselves aren't we? That said it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be when I drank - good god I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy how I used to talk to myself back then!
Sober waves to Biggles, Snowie2, Art and Merce. Snowie I echo Art's wise words - if it was a problem for you then it doesn't matter what anyone else says.
Was very low yesterday after job interview, that went well . A reminder that sober firsts can still ambush me and threaten relapse. Watched the film 28 days had a good old sob and feel better today.
Have a great sober Saturday night one and all!

[Snowie2]

Tbh I'm not labelling myself an alcoholic I think most of my peers drink a lot more than me & some have serious control issues. I would usually stop after a bottle :) I've just decided to give up for health & lifestyle reasons. I feel better off it & more healthy. It gives me more time to juggle FT job with family life. Tbh I found the year off it quite easy my main issue was constantly dealing with other people's attitudes / which is basically you either drink or you're an alcoholic if you don't. I wish it was more culturally acceptable not to drink !

It's helpful having support of others to get over the odd craving however but in no way I would label myself an alcoholic. Maybe in another 5-10 years at an increase to a bottle a night but I would be long dead before I got there !

There are those of course who say if you can't "handle" your alcohol you're automatically an alcoholic. Truth is yes Iiked the first glass - relaxation, 2nd - blurring of edges, 3rd - silly talk / ideas would begin, 4th - slurring speech & usually bed. Next morning wake up to the odd ridiculous FB status etc. if this was a work night next day I would def feel it but I usually avoided it before work. Truth is just middle age & even moderate drinking does not equal healthy longevity which is my main goal ! Plus I got fat I put on 10lbs !

[Snowie2]

Also to add it definitely effects my moods I have suffered mild depression in the past so anything I can do to help that I am doing !

[Haggismcbaggis]

Merce!! So good to hear from you - although obviously not so good that you are feeling low. I take St Johns Wort for low mood, but I know not everyone wants to / gets on with it or is otherwise on proper anti-Ds. I really hope things feel better soon.

Cornchips - I posted quite a lengthy ( probably inane) message to you after you posted about having slipped. Won't reiterate it except to say, I really hope you keep posting and how aware and resolved you sounded.

Snowie - hi! For many people the label "alcoholic" is not useful at all. I'm not sure where I stand on it. Whether I'd use that label for myself. It's so subjective. There's no absolute test, is there. For me, it was the continual drinking WAY more than I ever intended to on any evening that I had one drink.

But for you, to give up for general health reasons - well sounds like as good a reason as any! To be honest, I doubt there is anyone out there who regularly drinks any amount of alcohol, who wouldn't benefit from cutting it out.

Lucy - when will you know the outcome of the interview? Isn't it odd the things that are triggers? I had a good sob over 28 Days too. This evening I just finished When a Man Loves a Woman - and that got me massively. The youngest daughter looks a little like my youngest daughter. Can't believe that film is 20 years old!

I'm still on holiday - and have had some tough times. But overall, if I am honest with myself, not drinking has made everything with the kids and so on much easier. And the tricky times pass quicker than I think when I am in them. I met up with some school friends who live near where we are staying and went for an evening to the Fringe festival. It was a good way to see them for the first time since becoming AF, as we were at two shows so it was much less booze focused. Great to get some time away from the kids and so was immensely better humoured today (having been a horrendous cow on Thursday).

Enjoy the rest of the weekend folks.

[Lucy2610]

Morning Haggis and glad the hols are going well :) Watched 'When A Man Loves A Woman' years ago but might need to re-watch. You've inspired a blog post too! :) Interview stuff - have a Warner interview next (psychometrics) and then references are taken. There will be work as it is bank nursing so the outcome is known really. It is odd that it was a trigger but I'm wondering if I've tried to change too much too quickly in the first year of recovery and now it's turning round and biting me on the arse! Helps to talk about it though.

[CornChips]

Hello everyone,

Having a bit of a manic morning so just wanted to check in and say hi. I am afraid to say I chickened out of the AA meeting. I am seeing my counsellor tomorrow though and want to talk with her about everything. There are great meetings in the evening near me (this one I nearly went to on Friday was in London- I was up there for work), but unless I get a sitter I cannot go to them. There is a lunchtime meeting about 30 minutes from me (driving) on Thursdays, so I might go to that.

haggis- nothing you post ever sounds inane!

Welcome everyone joining us. :)

will post again later. Hope everyone has a good day.

[Haggismcbaggis]

Morning Lucy and Cornchips! Cornchips - glad you are going to see your counsellor. I am in a London so if you ever have to go there for work & have time for a coffee, give me a shout. Hope you can take some time out of all the manic-ness to do some stuff that makes you feel better. I am learning all the time that if I just keep going & going - eventually it bites me on the bum.

Lucy, I'm intrigued about the blog post. Was it today's about PAWS? Or have you one coming along about US sober movies? That resonated with me. I do think that how awful I felt on Thursday was so strong it had a chemical basis. It felt as overwhelming as pmt - and like pmt I feel relieved that there is a reason for how shit I feel (as you point out in the blog).

Happy sober Sunday everyone.

[Lucy2610]

Haggis I'm in the process of compiling a list of films US and UK about alcoholism and recovery - jeez it's long once you start to look!!
Shan't say any more but it'll be up in the next two weeks :)

Also one of the London based BFB FB peeps has talked about a meet up in the coming months so feels rude not to ask if you'd be interested?

Raining lots so off to finish writing blog post then eat popcorn and watch Harry Potter with the kids

[CornChips]

Hi again- just dropping in and out to say I'd love to meet up in London sometime. :) I will be up next in about 8-9 weeks. I am usually in the Esuton/St Pancras/Bloomsbury area..... not sure if that is any good? I do not know London terribly well, but with the underground can get anywhere.

I was just thinking about 'When a Man Loves a Woman' yesterday- because of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. of course there is Leaving las vegas- tht film devastated me when i first saw it.