Who's Desperate and Awful Now....Story of My Divorce from Mr WT...Part 2....

[MrsC1969HJ]

Having reached a 1000 posts, I can hardly believe we are moving onto Thread 2...I have had the most amazing ongoing support from so many and I will always be eternally grateful. Link to Thread 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2030270-PLEASE-HELP-DESPERATE-AND-AWFUL-DIVORCE?

[AcrossthePond55]

MrsC, I just want to wish you the best in your life. I hope that I've been able to be helpful to you in a small way.

Take care of yourself and your DCs.

[pointythings]

Hi MrsC, sorry about the radio silence, I've been away with no internet for the past fortnight. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through the mill again with Mr WT - unfortunately he is just going to keep doing this. The safeguarding team will see him coming a mile off, you really have nothing to worry about there.

As for your DD - in a way it's a good thing that everything is now out in the open. Your DD needs to not be carrying it on her own and now she isn't. Together you will be stronger.

And I don't think you're being theatrical at all, just remember not to vent after you've had and everything will be just fine.

[MrsC1969HJ]

Hi lovely girls! I am so sorry I have been so quiet...been a combination of things really, summer holidays, issues with my DD, having a bit of a "blip" with everything and trying to get myself prepared for our first court hearing (finances only, October). I hope you're all well, I am so touched that everybody has posted wondering how I am and how things are going. I have been a bugger really, should have just checked in. Perhaps should this happen again I could get my MN friends who know me from FB to post just to say all OK!

Anyway, an update....so following DD's e-mail to Mr WT (which again, I think I shouldn't have posted up, but anyway)...he replied thus "your father is not your father, you need to ask for a DNA test as your mother is far from perfect"....who does that? To a 15 year old girl? This is clearly not true...aside from everything she has her father's slightly oddly shaped nose so no mistaking that connection! DD reacted quite badly to this and we now have treatment for anxiety/panic attacks. She is undecided about how she wants to proceed, I have told her I will support her if she wishes to speak to children's services/police...she has gone away on holiday with her father for a fortnight and I am hoping she will feel strong enough to pursue on her return. I have also taken advice. He is beyond vile, he really is and I am devastated that my poor girl has had to go through that as a result of pouring out her feelings to him.

On the subject of finances. He was quite shocked that I did actually make the court application and that he is now obliged to attend court. They have been up to all sorts since, all of which I know about. He is also persisting with this thing about regularly contacting "Safeguarding" to tell them about my continued mental health issues, but I have yet to hear anything from them. They are claiming abject poverty except for yesterday when she posted up a picture of her brand new horse on FB for all to see. Must be really skint to be able to afford that. It's huge...and according to my horsey friends would have cost between £6 and 10K.

Mr WT looks utterly horrendous at the moment. Absolutely HUGE weight gain, hugely overweight, massive stomach (so not him at all), long straggly hair and when DD came face to face with him by accident last Saturday she just said "Mum he's aged 10 years, he doesn't even look like him". He has told a neighbour that OW is a "feeder" and that they drink constantly. He was teetotal before he left here, so I guess continued sedation.

Mr WT has also gone to great lengths to hide his new mobile number (I am worthy only of a PAYG as I told you before). On Sat, he got stuck on M25 and had to text me as was late with DS, clearly forgot to take the PAYG with him. It was from the new number. All that money, all that effort and he had to give it to me in the end. He is absolutely beyond belief.

I have been having a bit of a blip recently, remembering "normal" and happier times. Had a few a lot of tears. I think it was because it was her birthday last weekend and I imagined her being lavished as I wasn't last year...should have known. Dreading the new financial disclosure. Feeling a bit shit about myself which I shouldn't as have a couple of small romances on the go which is lovely but my counsellor says that sometimes it's the romances that open the cans of worms...showing you what you are missing in terms of having a partner. See what she means actually!

Anyway, other than that I am fine. Lots to do for court and the holidays are so busy...can't wait to get DD back next week...and can't wait for school to start again!! LOL! Thank you all for being here...it means EVERYTHING xxxxx

[pointythings]

I hope you got screenshots of the FB boast about the horse, MrsC...

And as I have said, safeguarding are not going to do anything much because they will see him coming a mile off - oh, to be a fly on the wall in their office when they're talking about him.

What he's said to your DD is outrageous and beyond vile, I hope she finds the strength to pursue it - but be understanding if she doesn't, she's had so much to cope with already and I can see her wanting to forget about him as soon as possible.

He'll get what's coming in court.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

MrsC (maybe time to change your name too?

I'm sorry you're still going through all these 'games'. What I truly don't understand is why the men seem to look like shit when they leave us. My stbxh looks horrendous! He used to be an incredibly good looking man but now is so, so skinny and has unkempt overgrown hair and an untidy big beard (which he never had with me). He is a professional man and I don't get how he is allowed to portray this image. The same way that your ex has put on weight!

Is it a ploy by the OW to ensure that they look terrible so the MM won't do to them what they've done to us? An insurance thing so no OW would look at them twice?

I really feel for your DD, that's a nasty thing to say to her. I wish you and your DCs strength xx

[MrsC1969HJ]

Pointy, oh of course, I keep note of everything! I will see how DD is when she returns and as you say, the decision has to be hers in the end.

Handful...I really think you've hit the nail on the head there. I think that is exactly what it is. I have never ever seen my husband look like this, ever. It is quite shocking really. I also think he has to dull everything with alcohol, weird for somebody who was previously teetotal. Must be SO happy? Anyway, I hope all is good with you? How are things?

So today I was asked if I had "recovered from my nervous breakdown"...erm...?!?! This was somebody I hadn't seen for some time and had been told by Mr WT that I had terrible mental health issues followed by a breakdown...why does he keep saying this to everybody? Is it because in his mind they won't believe anything I say about the way he has behaved towards us because "she must be mental"? It is REALLY starting to piss me off but I have no idea how to deal with it or what to do about it. It worries me as I have custody of the children and obviously with DS having his issues. Any ideas?

[pointythings]

OK, here's a suggested script...

Them: "So, have you recovered from your nervous breakdown?"
You: (sweet, happy smile) Nervous breakdown? Wherever did you hear that? I've been absolutely fine, but thank you so much for your concern. Isn't it amazing how people get things wrong?"
Them: (stammering incoherence)
You: (even sweeter smile, move on into cheery chatter about how wonderful your life is at the moment)

[SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires]

Morning MrsC yet another lurker here, wishing you & your children well.

Hopefully this might help you when you're down:-

Any time he pisses you off/or you're upset...just imagine that he's mucking out the horses, in a clown suit or anything else you want think of (after all she will have cameras around her place & stables) and she's laughing at him "carrying out her orders".

----

Just a thought, as a part of the divorce settlement why not ask/demand that you want his building company minus the debts of course, let her pay for them and rename it, as I think you could make a go of it (after all you know the ins & outs of the building trade) as you already have a "nest of vipers", who might want work doing.

----

Please don't start feeling sorry for him. Pity yes...but not sorry, as he brought all this on himself with help from her

[MrsC1969HJ]

Pointy...that's what I did pretty much and they did say that I didn't look like I had had a breakdown, always out with son, made up, dressed, chatting with everybody...but that doesn't mean anything I guess, does it? People believe what they're told it seems! Anyway, have put straight and hope that will be the end of that!

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires...fabulous name and what an image that conjures! :-). Thank you for posting and with such brilliant suggestions! Oh there is a lot I could do with that business and actually if he has listened to me, he would have done a lot better...so that is a definite possibility! Would love that challenge!

I do feel pity, not sorry I guess, but I am overwhelmed with worry about his health, utterly ridiculous I know, but he looks like he's about to drop dead...that is something I struggle to deal with. He never looked like that with me :-(. Thank you so much for lurking and offering support, I SO appreciate it :-) x

[pointythings]

MrsC you just keep on putting people straight. They will soon start seeing the truth - let's face it, he's looking like a wreck and you are looking freaking gorgeous I'll bet.

You are allowed to feel pity (in an 'oh dear, what a sad sack he has turned out to be' kind of way) but please, no regrets. And as for his health - he is an adult, he has made his choices, he is responsible for the consequences. That's harsh, but there it is.

[AcrossthePond55]

Frankly, I would tell all and sundry that yes, I've recovered from my 'breakdown'. That I had a 'miracle healing' the day Mr WT moved out!!!

So sorry DD is having a rough time. What kind of a person does something so despicable to a young girl already struggling? That is just beyond low. Hopefully DD's time with her dad will bring her reassurance and some calming. Bless her, she's really doing well though, you know. She's able to ask for the help she needs and work through things. A young lady to be proud of, for sure.

You know, I really don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with your feelings re Mr WT's health. After all, you invested years in him. I think it's rather like fixing up a house you loved and then selling it, only to see the new owner let it get rundown. You won't have to do the work to fix it up again, it's no longer your home. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make you sad to see it in such sad state. But it's a detached sadness, not an 'involved' sadness, if that makes sense.

[Pinkballoon]

The telling everyone that you have mental health problems is the classic attempt at justifying having an affair. He's hoping that everyone will feel sorry for what he had to 'put up with' and think "Ah, well no wonder he ran off with X, bet Mrs C was a real nightmare etc etc etc." My ex has been doing it too. Even wrote it in court papers and told his brother. Its desperation and trying to justify the unjustifiable, because he's had an affair and walked out on a young child and an innocent wife.

He's bloated because he's been drinking heavily. Sounds like he's in a happy relationship! Is his skin yellow too? Not taking care of his appearance, could be a sign of depression. As can drinking heavily. I wouldn't feel sorry for him though, he brought it all on himself.

[pointythings]

I have to say I find the 'she has mental health problems' defence incredibly offensive. I work in mental health research, I have quite a few friends and family who have genuine mental health problems, and they are not to be trivialised by a piece of cheating scum. It really gives me the rage and makes me wish for a Star Trek style transporter so that I could put myself face to face with these bastards and give them a well placed kick a piece of my mind.

[MrsC1969HJ]

Hi lovelies, so sorry for lack of updates, have all manner of crap (child related) going on and what with summer holidays etc, I have so little time to myself at the moment and I still have both of my kids at home. I will endeavour to fill you all in this weekend. Rest assured that Mr WT keeps on raising the levels of wankering twattishness every bloody day...only a few weeks from court now.

Thank you for all your lovely messages and support and I look forward to a catch up! Hope you're all well! :-)

[whitsernam]

OMG!! I utterly cannot believe what some of these WTs do and how long they keep doing it. But I can tell you that when all is said and done, he will have made you so grateful that you are not married to him still. He is making his case for you to be single very convincingly.

[AcrossthePond55]

Glad to see that you are still keeping your head above water! Things will calm down, Mr WT notwithstanding. They usually do.

You take care of yourself, DCs, and business. We'll be here when you get some breathing room.

[MrsC1969HJ]

Hi everybody, I can't believe it's a month since I last posted, it wasn't my intention but a lot has happened (AND I turned 45 too!). My DD has had a breakdown and is now being treated, she is not in school at the moment and we (her father and I) are in the process of finding her a new school, she will probably have to repeat a year given that she is due to take GCSE's in May. Given I went into WAY too much detail previously in relation to her, I will leave it at that. Suffice to say she's being well cared for and is surrounded by love and support and professional help and is doing OK! She turned 16 last week...not the birthday I had hoped for her but we did our best!

So, onto Mr WT and his continued Wankering Twattishness (Across, I KNOW I will end up paying you royalties for that name!!!). So, where to begin? He is currently not seeing DS due to DS returning home and stating that OW (who is still not supposed to be around him) has been shouting at him and is "nasty"...(his words) and because my Mr WT bought FOUR ferrets and allowed my son to play with them. Son ended up coming home with a handful of puncture wounds (his ASD statement says NO animals or very close supervision!), Mr WT didn't tell me then cut off all forms of communication because he bloody well knew. So, I did the unthinkable and posted on her business FB page because she was boasting about these new ferrets. I thought it would come straight down, it didn't, they were away, it was there for two days :-O. I have to add, I wasn't rude, I wasn't inflammatory, I just stated the facts and then the shit hit the fan......!

So, accusations of "slander" and "defamation" flew my way followed by a very disparaging email about my Mum, who Mr WT met only once, I can't even repeat what he said suffice to say it was vile, she was 5 stone, bald, wracked with pain and ravaged by chemo on the Christmas Day that he met her, it was just evil. My brother took huge exception to this and drove straight over there at 9 am in the morning. Mr WT hid behind OW who said he wasn't there (although my brother saw him) and then she ran after him taking pictures of his car. She then wrote to my brother saying basically that I was standing in the way of her happiness (remember she used to work for my brother and did so for several years). Subsequently, Mr WT has written to the court and said he doesn't feel safe to attend (yawn) and feels intimidated. So, had police on my doorstep last weekend. Sat and listened to me and DD...and got in car and went straight back round there. Backfired somewhat. He is also not paying maintenance, has sent me post dated cheques (November) so bank wouldn't accept. Have told him to stick it, am not being blackmailed with money. I will manage.

So, onto court, 2 weeks away. Has already been in contempt. Is stating that me doing three visits to "clothing outlets" prove that I am not "struggling"...this was for school uniform I have to add. Has also cited the fact that I went to a local shop 5 times in one day as a reason for me not having financial issues (more a reason that I have memory issues!!). He has also stated that because I will inherit (one day), he doesn't have to provide for us. My Dad is alive. He has a wife. WTF?

Lastly, he has also obtained a pilots license. Posted it all on LinkedIn. Cost £8K, but can't support us or pay maintenance?

Anyway, I am fine, actually absolutely fine. It's nearly a year now since he left (18 Oct), we are in court on the 17th of that month. While my life isn't what I want it to be....yet....we're on our way! I couldn't have done any of that without all of you. I will try my best to post up more regularly...it's just been so so hectic and nightmarish. I am sure there is loads I have missed out here but you get the gist. Thank you for being here, all of you :-) xxxx

[inlectorecumbit]

wow just wow.
Just how low can this pair go- ; am speechless

I am so sorry to hear about your DD and hope she makes a full recovery, she has been so brave and strong dealing with all his fuckwittery it is no surprise that she crashed so badly. I hope she will get better soon, a repeat year at school especially at a new school is perhaps a good idea, gives her a year to gather herself and her thoughts together -to aim for a great 17th birthday.

That's the first year almost over -hopefully by this time next year all dealings with him and her will be over. With any luck he will not be allowed contact with DS.
Chin(s) up you're doing just great

[MrsC1969HJ]

inlectorecumbit, thank you SO much for your lovely post! Indeed, you do wonder how normal their lives can be and I also forgot to mention that Mr WT has been trying to get a very young girl into bed at one of his clients (insider contact that I have), I am sure OW would love to hear about that. It won't be from me, she can reap what she's sown as far as I am concerned!

Yes DD has had to deal with all manner of shit, I cannot tell you how hard it was listening to her in her CAMHS interview, just awful. Felt like the worst mother in the world and who was protecting who?!

I hope you're right, next year will be better! This can't carry on! I am so fine, I have the very odd blip, but nothing compared to how I was a year ago....so thank you SO much! xxx

[captainmummy]

Hi MrsC - you'd dropped off my Watch-list!

Glad you are posting again. Your Poor DD, hope she feels more in control soon. Def sounds like withholding contact for both is a good idea! What a w*ker She is welcome to him, and vice versa. Their lives are nothing to you now.

KOKO

[MrsC1969HJ]

Thanks Captain...I so appreciate support...I am hoping everybody will come back, probably dropped off everybody's lists! Going to need it over the next few weeks...will no doubt be rants galore! She is now winding me up by sending handwritten notes to my house, but writing as if it was Mr WT, drip feeding disclosure, completely out of line with court protocol. It is ridiculous. They are totally out of their depth with this.

Thanks so much for kind words about DD...she's doing really well, am very proud of her! x

[AcrossthePond55]

Royalties indeed for 'Mr Wankering Twattishness' ™. Actually, I hereby gift you the name gratis for as long as he lives up to it. In other words, in perpetuity!!

So sorry about DD. She sounds such a lovely, caring girl and I'm sure she will deal with all that she has to deal with and will heal. No one can doubt that you are a wonderful mum. Sometimes our children just need more than we can give them & the best we can do for them is get them the help they need.

Jesus in a gym suit, will Mr WT™ never give it a rest? It's hard to believe that 2 people (him & OW) can be so 'self-unaware' and ignorant of how they appear to others! Hard to put up with, I know, but at least it always comes back to bite them in their own bums!

So, is he like following you around or something? How on earth would he know how many times you go wherever in a day? Isn't that stalking?

Welcome 'home', MrsC. Glad to have you back!

[PetuliaGristle]

Hi MrsC, I've recently rediscovered MN and started reading your original thread, I split from exh years ago due to exh affair with much older woman who I was told felt sorry for me... Followed by exh and ow trying to squeeze as much £££ out of poor little old me (sic) as they could. Devastation when I only had myself to worry about, let alone your lovely dd and ds. You're all amazing and I guarantee life will get better for you all. I'll continue reading your previous thread. You and your dcs are amazing, I'm sure already been said but do treat yourselves and as to exh and ow - f* them!

[pointythings]

Hi, MrsC, so sorry to hear how tough things have been... Hope things will go well in court and Mr WT will get his comeuppance in a big way so you can get him out of your lives as much as possible. That will help your poor DD too - and time out for recovery and repeating GCSE year is definitely the way to go.

I hope you've got all the dirt on him about the way he's been splashing the cash.

And I'd almost lend you my DH for a bit so you could have some time with a decent bloke, but I'm a bit too selfish for that - hopefully when the dust has settled, you will get what you deserve, in the bes way possible.

[FeckTheMagicDragon]

MrsC so pleased to see you back, and so sorry about your DD, I hope she's recovering well.