I appear to have offended my mom, and I don't think I've done anything unacceptable.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I'm quite a private person with regards to personal life, alwats felt uncomfortable talking about achievement (could be regarded as boasting) or events/happenings. Mom, however has no filter on what us appropriate to share with people

FFor example, I lost a family member in quite unsettling circumstances last month, told only my closest friend. No one else. 4 school moms (not really friends) came up to me in the playground a few days after his death and offered condolences. It appears that she stood there in the playground on her day to collect the DC and told a group of people. Now, I'm not one to judge on how people grieve, but it upset me greatly, that people who I chat about the weather with at most, know this business because she just won't stop blurting to everyone.

This morning it's come to a head as it's report season. She want a photocopy of all their reports and cerficates. I know this means she'll be flashing them around at all the various groups she participates in. I'm uncomfortable with thus as DH and I tell no one, apart from in the vaguest terms "yup, they're doing fine, and enjoying school" if asked directly. She's had a massive huff as I've kindly decline to photocopy the stuff and taken away her boasting evidence. I've been made to feel the bad guyion this. And I don't really think I should be made to feel that I am in the wrong.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? I have a feeling that my reticence h arisen from the many moments in the past where her insensitive splurging of info has made me (and others) uncomfortable.

Sorry for the essay.

Why don't you try telling your mother how you feel instead of just cutting her off without rhyme or reason (yet presumably still expecting her to do school pick ups and other child care).

Wanting copies of the reports and certificates is just downright odd. What next, copies of their medical records and eye tests? Sheesh.

You were quite right to tell her no, keep saying no and don't take the bait of her being in a huff.

Very sorry to hear about the loss of your family member - unfortunately I don't think there's anything you can do to control what she chooses to tell people in the playground if she collects the DC for you! But on the school reports you do have control.

You don't want your mother to boast about your children? Why the heck not? Surely she is only saying wonderful things about them to her friends.

And why not at least take her some originals so that she can have a look?

And you say your family member died? Any relation to your mum? Or was it your dads side of the family? That just isn't your information to keep to yourself.

Tbh I think you're being precious.

Where did I say I'm cutting her off? I'm asking for advice on how to deal with this uncomfortable situation. I don't expect her to do school pick ups - she collects the primary age children on day a week as she enjoys it. No expectation.

She wants photocopies of their reports to show people? She's odd. I think you're brave letting her pick up your DC from school. I'll bet the whole playground know what reading books they're taking home.

She's seen the reports and we've discussed them. She wants copies to show her friends and strangers, probably.

Gosh yes, she's ptobably blurting out reading levels.

If she tells people about her grandchildren, how does this directly impact upon you or the children if it happens when you aren't there?

Sorry, QuiteLikely, yes he was on her side of the family. I know talking about it withppeople can be cathartic fir some people. But virtual strangers? Doesn't sit right with me.

I wouldn't let my mum photocopy school reports - what overkill!
But I would be able to say 'don't be daft mum. You'll look like an arse or a bore, neither are good'
Can you try and explain to her that whilst she is open and chatty, you are private so can you you not just respect each others choices.
She can chat about her life and you won't quibble but she must be guided by your choices for your dc.
Would she reach an understanding about it?

No to photocopying your children's private school reports. That is their business and you don't compromise a child's privacy like that. She already knows what is in the reports.

I mean this with love chaos but you're sounding like a bit of a misery guts here. Now that may be because I am the complete opposite to you but really, you're being a bit precious.

I think it's the specificnrss that I'm not keen on.

what a ridiculous response from lasslancashire.

You haven't done anything wrong, Chaos lovely. Really you haven't.

It's precious to not want your mother to show your children's school reports to random strangers, some of whom may well have DC at the same school?

you say your mum has no filter, but she sounds like most people

she picks up the kids
she gets to know people at school gate
a member of her family dies
she tells people about it at the school gate, people she might consider friends if she often chats to them

the photocopying thing just sounds a proud gran thing - they are probably all at it in her social circle. cringy if you are there, but you arent

The family member dying is her news to tell. Your DC's academic levels are not.

I think I'd just let the subject drop quietly, she'll get over it and I do agree with you, school reports are private, not all and sundries beeswax.

Being proud of her grandchildren on "her" territory is entirely reasonable and rather sweet, but I don't think should extend to flashing copies of their reports. As others have mentioned, reading levels and other things are not really for public consumption.

On the other hand, the school playground is "your" territory, so she has no business in telling her merest acquaintances there details of your extended family life. This could be inappropriate in many ways, and she must be made to understand it. Perhaps you could offer her some boasting material (photos, merit certificates, etc) for her to take to "her" territory as a trade-off for her behaving herself in yours?

IMO you are not being precious or unreasonable!

Photocopying school reports is not 'proud gran'
It's fucking weird.

Thanks, Pag, I'd like to have the relationship with her that I could say thatbubut she takes everything personally, always gas done. I feel like I tread cautiously within every conversation so as not to offend her with stuff that no one else in the world would be offended by.

I asked her once to wear slightly less perfume as it had triggered off a few migraines. Massive huff. And when I gently suggested that all the artificial airfesheners may be contributing to her asthma, that resulted in me being called controlling and bossy.

She once didn't speak to me fir 3 weeks as I hadn't told my FIL's aunt who I only ever seeat the newsagents on occasion, that she'd been unwell. Seriously, it's a quick nod as we're moving past each other. She was aghast that Aunty Mildred hadn't been told.

Yy HavantGuard

Two different issues. It's about who 'owns' the news - iyswim

well tell that to half the grans round here

God, that is hard work.
I have no advice but you have my sympathy.