I appear to have offended my mom, and I don't think I've done anything unacceptable.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I'm quite a private person with regards to personal life, alwats felt uncomfortable talking about achievement (could be regarded as boasting) or events/happenings. Mom, however has no filter on what us appropriate to share with people

FFor example, I lost a family member in quite unsettling circumstances last month, told only my closest friend. No one else. 4 school moms (not really friends) came up to me in the playground a few days after his death and offered condolences. It appears that she stood there in the playground on her day to collect the DC and told a group of people. Now, I'm not one to judge on how people grieve, but it upset me greatly, that people who I chat about the weather with at most, know this business because she just won't stop blurting to everyone.

This morning it's come to a head as it's report season. She want a photocopy of all their reports and cerficates. I know this means she'll be flashing them around at all the various groups she participates in. I'm uncomfortable with thus as DH and I tell no one, apart from in the vaguest terms "yup, they're doing fine, and enjoying school" if asked directly. She's had a massive huff as I've kindly decline to photocopy the stuff and taken away her boasting evidence. I've been made to feel the bad guyion this. And I don't really think I should be made to feel that I am in the wrong.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? I have a feeling that my reticence h arisen from the many moments in the past where her insensitive splurging of info has made me (and others) uncomfortable.

Sorry for the essay.

pag, hang on - your mother has a photo of your HOUSE on her windowsill?

Is she particularly close to your house? have they been friends for long?

Pagwatch - I read that as you having a boastily huge house!!!!!!!!

My Mum had sideboards stuffed with photos of my kids but she never asked for their school reports.

All hail Pagwatch - can we come and stay?????????

Lasslancs, I also didn't say I don't explain why.

I mentioned gently declining. I told her that we didn't share the specific results with people, so it would make me uncomfortable if she did.
On one occasion she was rightly proud of one of the girls passing fir GS. Unfortunately in the audience were people whose DDs had failed to gain a place. I was inwardly cringing at her lack of filter on that occasion. There are many others where I'm shrinking into myself at her lack of awareness.

I know Hecate

She is lovely but very cringy at times. Fortunately I only know this stuff third hand. Her poor friends...

Yus, EmZed, feels like an AIBU.

Yes it does Maryz, some of them just cannot help themselves.
Mean minded, snidey, picking everything to bits.

She doesn't go all Hyacinth, does she?

Y'know my daughter Paggy - she's the one with the big house, musical bidet and room for a pony...

i dont think any of us have said she has to photocopy the reports.
i know grans who do
plenty more dont need to as every word is seared on their memort

but the plauground thing

they are chaos' acquaintances but also her mum's acquaintances
i wouldnt find it odd at all if someone's gran talked to me every week. i talk to lots of grans at school pick up time. we might know each other better than a reserved mum. i could imagine having a conversation about a death in the family and not find it at all inappropriate

i am outgoing, as is my dad. my mum tries to control us too. she is very reserved. it is annoying.

Oh Chaos. Take no notice of the snarky stuff.

It's difficult. You are entitled to feel sad and frustrated.

Well it's not AIBU Chaos. xx
ooh. kisses.
[unrepentant]

have a few more xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx mwah

and a hug

That ought to do it.

You'll all be running for the hills now.

Chaos I think we may be long lost sisters. My mother lacks a filter too.

Just say 'Mum, you can boast to your friends all you like, but I can't let you have photocopies - if you go round showing people they will think you are a nutter!' and try to keep it as lighthearted as possible.

My mother can be very needy too, and I constantly have to check myself with how I speak to her in case she takes offence and gets all huffy. Made worse by the fact that my sister just gets irritable and snaps at her, so I end up trying to be extra-nice even when she's winding me up to the point of wanting to throttle her so she doesn't feel got at by both of us. You have my sympathies. It's exhausting.

Is you mum on her own Chaos? I find that my mum is a bit over-invested understatement in the goings-on of my and my sister's family and everybody else's she's ever met and even people she hasn't met, like her next door neighbour's daughter's new boyfriend and I also find her a bit of an over-sharer whereas I am very private when it comes to personal stuff, so I find it excruciating.

I think they just get bored and lonely and want something to latch onto to feel involved but sometimes they take it to a slightly weird degree and you feel a bit violated. Facebook doesn't help. My mother is a nightmare since she joined Facebook. I refuse to have her as a friend on mine because I know she will never shut up banging on in huge great detail about every single thing I say or on there, wanting all the ins and outs, or asking nosy questions about all of my friends. It will be like being followed by her 24 hours a day.

I feel I already give more than I want to (an I know it's my issue, and possibly overly provate) by letting her see the reports. Not for the reports as such, but for how she dusemminates the info. But I do it, as I know it pleases her. I'd much rather do the, "yus, they're achieving well and content" line with her.

Oh god Hec, she really does!

I have to let it go because I know it comes from such a lovely place. She turned up in London with my dad penniless and jobless so she is so proud of the start they gave us. But lord, she makes me look awful so often and I can't say anything without making her look bad iyswim.

Sorry, just reading the thread in more detail and I can see that she is not on her own.

Apologies Choas I didn't read the part where you said you explained your reasons for not giving the photocopies. If you explained and she is still offended then there is nowt more you can do really?

Jeez, the mere thought of having had my Mum on my FB brings me out in a cold sweat.

My DM could never talk abiut anyone without adding some sort of cringy boast to them - 'my sister who's married to a consultant' type of thing.

I caught my mum telling my great aunt about my 'genius' ds the other week, she was only half joking

Even she wouldn't ask for photo copies of his report only because she wouldn't be able to make head nor tail of the grades/levels

That's what my mum does too gin. I dread meeting any of her friends in the village - they must think I ma the most insufferably smug twat based on the way she speaks about us.