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Original poster

DH and porn

129 replies

anoldchestnut · 11/09/2006 16:08

I know this has been talked about lots before, and I always had the attitude of oh well men like porn - big deal.

But now of course it's MY dh and I'm feeling a little different.....

Basically I saw some photoes printed from various websites last week hidden in our bin (at least they were in the recycling bin ). I really had no idea that dh liked this stuff, and why on earth did he have to print them off? What is worrying me though, apart from generally feeling uncomfortable with the idea of dh 'sorting himself out' (as opposed to me sorting him out) is that some of the photoes were of men doing it with other men, one or two were of transexuals i.e. men with boobs that looked liked women but had penises. In the last few months he seems to have had a preference for 'bottom' action with me (I have no desperate objection to this, and put it down to a dislike of condoms - and ironically I going to GP tomorrow to go back on pill). He has also started immacing his 'undercarriage' - OK so have I, but I'm really wondering what on earth is going on here. He's 41 - is he questionning his sexuality? Does he not find me attractive anymore (despite having lost 1.5 stone and now being a size 6 to 8)?

I realise this sounds a bit troll-like, but honestly I'm not. I've been posting for years, although infrequesntly, but I remember the brain/brian thing, cod and custy are my fave posters, and misdee and sparkly are sisters if that helps prove I'm a regular poster.

TIA

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/09/2006 11:02

How do you know they dont think to HD?

I dont think its a simplistic as that.

Fab name Pantieman.

Pantieman · 12/09/2006 11:05

I have asked him about it and as far as he is concerned it is not a major issue.

He finds them comfortable as well as a turn on and I must admit that it does tend to get me going.

I think that we can probably use this little fetish of his as part of our foreplay-finegrs crossed.

Pantieman · 12/09/2006 11:07

What do you want to know WelshBoris?

Ulysees · 12/09/2006 11:07

anoldchestnut, maybe you could say you read on here that a mner's dh is bi and you think it's good they can talk about it? Maybe it'd make him open up? Or do you really want to know?

HappyDaddy · 12/09/2006 11:22

Pantieman, if you both like it, what's the problem?

Papillon · 12/09/2006 11:24

welshboris is probably worried about style of underwear Pantie

It would come as a suprise if its not happened before, our partners and ourselves always changing in all the mad and mysterious ways that are human!

Original poster
anoldchestnut · 12/09/2006 12:11

Oh the hair-free undercarriage didn't go unnoticed - I think I said earlier on. He just said that as I'd done it he'd have a go and quite liked it that way. I said I did too - although I'm not fussed either way tbh, but I figured if he liked it then fine. As he's been doing that for a few months I don't realy feel i can bring it up again, and wan't too bothered by it in isolation. But now it's not in isolation, theres other stuff too.

I think what I'm looking for is for everyone to say hey don't worry - hair-free undercarriage, gay porn and an interest in anal is normal - my dh/dp does it too. However not many are actually saying that .

I know that talking about it is the only way I can alleviate my concerns, but if he does admit that he's bi, or bi-curious (BTW what's the difference?????) then I don't know that I could handle it and at the moment ignorance, coupled with lots of mnetters saying don't worry, is better than finding THAT out.

OP posts:
Pann · 12/09/2006 13:26

bi-curious - I always use the travel analogy. It's perhaps like being a bit of a tourist. You like going there, find it exotic and different, but you don't want to live there.

In terms of this, he doesn't want to actually put his equipment in anyone's bag other than yours, but he is turned on by the whole alternative scene. Homeo-erotic is much more prevelant than aknowledged.

So I understand.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/09/2006 13:28

Is that so Pann?

Pann · 12/09/2006 13:31

Part of my erudition, dear girl. Nothing more....

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/09/2006 13:36

There's no shame in it, dontcha know....

Pann · 12/09/2006 13:39

What? In being so eruditious? I know.

You are loosing focus here VVV.....

TRY to return to subject.....?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/09/2006 13:46

Not modest, thats for sure

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/09/2006 13:47

Anyway, I've had a bad morning, I'm entitled to lose focus a little....

Original poster
anoldchestnut · 12/09/2006 13:57

Calm down ladies!!!!!

So bi-curious is when you try it occasionally, like going to Spain for a few weeks. Sounds the same as bi to me, unless bi is living in Spain for half the year and the UK for the other half. But surely it doesn;t work like that - nobody rations themselves and says oh I've had 4 months of bum fun better get some fanny action.....

Back to my original post then, does the consensus seem to be that dh has bi tendencies? Bi curious, call it what you will, still amounts to the same thing - he likes men's bums.

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 12/09/2006 13:59

Message withdrawn

Pann · 12/09/2006 14:07

Sorry, he sees Spain, is intrigued (probably a MUCH better word than 'curious'), but has no intention of putting his roots in the soil.....

This is exercising you alot. Tipping into the 'delicate raise the subject' camp (as it were).

Original poster
anoldchestnut · 12/09/2006 14:11

OK so he likes looking at travel guides - is that the thing then?

Problem with asking the question is getting the answer. and if it's an answer I don't like then what...

OP posts:
ggglimpopo · 12/09/2006 14:13

Message withdrawn

Pann · 12/09/2006 14:17

Not sure. But as someone said earlier. You may not like the answer, naturally, but neither do like not asking thequestion.

It undoubtedly takes courage, and if you do ask, it is fair he understands the courage you have shown, due to the level of care you have for the two of you.

Also, if I may say, saving evidence to use at a later date IS WAY WAY TOO adversarial. Destroys trust for the future. He knows it was there, and you do too. That will be enough. He will in all doubt be pretty nervous. For you to "show" him the evidence could be crushing, and lead to an embarrassed retreat into a shell. But, that is my opinion.

ggglimpopo · 12/09/2006 14:20

Message withdrawn

Pann · 12/09/2006 14:24

Sorry to keep banging on...if I had stuff to hide and she MUSTN'T find it, Iwould take it far away from the house and her. Not put it out in what sounds like almost an invitational manner.

From what you say, still not convinced he wished/hoped for you to see it. That would then place the responsibility offa his own shoulders on a delicate matter.

Pann · 12/09/2006 14:26

Sorry, that he DID hope/wish for it to be found, therby shifting the responsibility....sorry.

Original poster
anoldchestnut · 12/09/2006 14:27

No I wouldn't keep it. No need. If I told him I'd seen it he wouldn't then deny its existence (although he might make up some story about how it got there!).

But yes ggg I don't know what I'd do if he said he was. Hence being on here and not talking to him.

I'll have to get my head around this. I think I can trust him not to be unfaithful, but I thought I knew him, now I'm not so sure. Still can't help feeling he wouldn't be unfaithful - the whole thing just doesn;t seem like him...

OP posts:
Pann · 12/09/2006 14:31

That last post sounded quite optimistic, chestnut.

Last ore from me - this could weigh you down for a long time. A Gambit to prevent this is to give yourself a time frame, say by the end of the week, to raise it. Other wise your fear-fantasies could escalate beyond the facts you know.