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Original poster

Just when I thought I met a good one...

150 replies

rockpink · 29/06/2014 20:55

I have been seeing someone for quite a few months now, met each other's family (according to his friends I met recently he just doesn't "do" that kind of thing and he "really likes me!") and have introduced him to my DC's who think he's marvellous. So do I.

A month ago I found out he was still on Plenty of Fish (where we met) and when challenged he deleted his profile. He was upset with himself for upsetting me and really apologised. His mates were really cross with him and called him a bloody idiot.

Last week he had an email from Zoosk saying who'd looked at his profile... (he was checking out his emails when we were lying in bed after a lie in and I glimpsed it). He said he'd delete himself. On both websites he said he'd had trouble deleting them from his phone but would log on using a pc and sort it out.

So as I am sadly totally untrusting, having been cheated on all my life, I thought I'd check out Zoosk and he's on there.

He's supposed to come over tomorrow after work, I can pretend I haven't seen it, but what would you say to him?

OP posts:
SoleSource · 04/07/2014 22:59

I believe him, is my gut feeling so far....

Original poster
rockpink · 04/07/2014 23:05

He has just turned it back on me saying he's upset that I dont think he's trustworthy.

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 04/07/2014 23:10

That's rather manipulative of him. Reply and ask him what his honest reaction would be if the situation was reversed.

Original poster
rockpink · 04/07/2014 23:17

Have just said words similar to that. We shall see and I'll update tomorrow.
As he's away to sea tomorrow for 4 months I think I have probably ruined his last night of leave Sad

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 04/07/2014 23:22

Well hasn't he ruined your peace of mind since you found him on there?

Original poster
rockpink · 04/07/2014 23:30

Hmm yes thats true as well.
I don't know how to sort it out.
He said he'd deleted it now and thanked me for thinking him untrustworthy.

OP posts:
justiceofthePeas · 04/07/2014 23:35

Problem is, if he is trustworthy then he will be hurt and has the right to be if he isn't he'd still say the same thing.

Original poster
rockpink · 04/07/2014 23:39

He's upset and is not going to argue and wished me goodnight. Didn't reply to my asking how he'd feel if he saw me on dating websites.

OP posts:
Egghead68 · 05/07/2014 06:27

I am afraid this happened to me. The guy in question said he "didn't know how" to delete himself. Actually he was chatting up a girl in Russia and shagging someone else.

Sorry but I'm cynical and I don't like his response.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/07/2014 08:55

If it's linked through Facebook then it really could be innocent. I believe him.
But I'm not tech savvy on this kind of stuff.
I hope it gets resolved.

wafflyversatile · 05/07/2014 09:41

The last time I was in a relationship it didn't occur to me to disable any of my accounts, either the one I had actually been using or the ones I'd signed up to then immediately given up as rubbish. Not because I was hedging my bets in anyway. I was only interested in him. 1. I'm too lazy to bother unsubscribing from any of the millions of marketing emails I get that I'm not interested in 99% of the time.

There were times I clicked on them though. One of them would email showing the first part of the message which sometimes looked amusing in a OMFG way for instance.

I'm inclined to believe him. But it doesn't matter what I think. He's going to be away for 4 months, feeling mistrusted, and you're going to be here torturing yourself which doesn't sound like much fun.

Original poster
rockpink · 05/07/2014 14:34

Well I havent heard anything from him today, so I am pretty sure it's done and we are over. I cant get in touch with him, not yet. I'm still churning inside.
I just have to learn to trust.
I've been told that most men on dating websites are "wounded birds"!

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 05/07/2014 14:45

Never heard that before. mostly perverts, mostly just after sex, mostly married looking for affairs, mostly inadequate misogynists, mostly creeps I've heard. Not that.

He doesn't come across as a wounded bird.

inlectorecumbit · 05/07/2014 14:45

I honestly think if you do not hear from him today then he is quilty as charged Sad

wafflyversatile · 05/07/2014 14:50

Really? On what basis?

If I was innocent of the charges I doubt I'd be texting today either. Busy day for starters with stuff to be concentrating on, that isn't being accused of dallying on dating sites.

Original poster
rockpink · 05/07/2014 14:58

Well he isnt on zoosk anymore, active or not, appears to have gone. so... if he'd deleted his profile weeks ago all my not trusting anyone shite wouldnt have hit the fan last night.
However I obviously have major trust issues so I probably would have got uptight about something else while he's away.
Probably a lucky escape for both.
Thanks for all your support MN Wine

OP posts:
UterusUterusGhali · 05/07/2014 15:03

My ex and I were both signed up to zoosk without our consent via Facebook. I even got inbox messages on FB from chaps who had seen my profile. It was really upsetting actually.

Greenrexine · 05/07/2014 15:11

He sounds like a schmoozer to me. It's very wise to not be too trusting.
I don't think he liked being rumbled.

Anyway instead of sitting on your own for four months you can get on with your life instead.

flumperoo · 05/07/2014 15:59

So it seems that it actually was very easy for him to delete his profile...no excuse for him not to have deleted it earlier then?

LovesPeace · 05/07/2014 15:59

Lucky escape, Rockpink.

I've just spent more than a year of my life in an exclusive (at his request) relationship with a man who introduced me to his family, his friends, wanted to get married and move in.

All the time he had a second profile leching 20yr olds (we're mid forties) and asking them for sex.

Of course it's a 'fantasy' according to him. (Whereas him being dumped was very, very real. :-) ).

Gingermum · 05/07/2014 16:24

LovesPeace

"I've just spent more than a year of my life in an exclusive (at his request) relationship with a man who introduced me to his family, his friends, wanted to get married and move in.

All the time he had a second profile leching 20yr olds (we're mid forties) and asking them for sex.

Of course it's a 'fantasy' according to him. (Whereas him being dumped was very, very real. :-) )." Grin Grin

Thank you for making me snort in an unladylike way.

TheWorldAccordingToJC · 05/07/2014 16:50

OP - you've done the right thing. Trust your gut instinct here.. He was keeping his options open and you Sussed that quickly and called him on it. He miraculously and amazingly managed to delete his previously un deletable profiles . What timing eh?

You can't trust him because he can't be trusted. Move on and don't give this nonsense anymore head space. His loss. Oh and you'll probably spot him on zoosk sometime very soon

LovesPeace · 05/07/2014 17:05

Ginger mum, he's far less amused re dumping than you are! Grin

Thing is, I'm like an (ageing, fat, grumpy) Princess whose hand has to be won by suitors undertaking almost impossible tasks of daring and bravery.

These tasks tend not to include dragons now, but do include; deleting dating profiles unprompted, not leching at girls younger than your hairstyle, knowing how to use cutlery, not saying 'but do you have to work?'.

I think I may be a single Princess a while longer. Wink

Original poster
rockpink · 05/07/2014 17:32

Maybe mumsnet could do dating. All potential suitors to be vetted by us lot....

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 05/07/2014 20:17

If he was innocent, he would be trying to sort this out before he goes away, imo. Strange how he found it impossible to delete the profiles before, but suddenly found the technical know-how to do it once you'd brought it up. I don't believe him, sorry. I think you're well shot.