Just when I thought I met a good one...

[rockpink]

I have been seeing someone for quite a few months now, met each other's family (according to his friends I met recently he just doesn't "do" that kind of thing and he "really likes me!") and have introduced him to my DC's who think he's marvellous. So do I.

A month ago I found out he was still on Plenty of Fish (where we met) and when challenged he deleted his profile. He was upset with himself for upsetting me and really apologised. His mates were really cross with him and called him a bloody idiot.

Last week he had an email from Zoosk saying who'd looked at his profile... (he was checking out his emails when we were lying in bed after a lie in and I glimpsed it). He said he'd delete himself. On both websites he said he'd had trouble deleting them from his phone but would log on using a pc and sort it out.

So as I am sadly totally untrusting, having been cheated on all my life, I thought I'd check out Zoosk and he's on there.

He's supposed to come over tomorrow after work, I can pretend I haven't seen it, but what would you say to him?

[rockpink]

Meeting him later. .we shall see!!!

[rockpink]

Ahhh I know about gut feelings!

I have been trying to talk about this with him for days, by text admittedly, not that good, but he won't admit or doesn't want to understand that it upset me. I think he's smarting a bit at not being trusted.

He said his sister (who I met last week) was surprised at my reaction. I wish I'd taken her number so I could ask her!

But god, do I miss him. Not just for someone to talk to and share things with and silliness, but the whole aura and just the whole of him!

Does that sound mad?

[Thatslife72]

I still get emails from pof that I was on back in 2012 and for ages after other sites I hadn't even joined! It's usually pretty easy to take your profile off though, but I also remember not taking it off properly at first as I was seeing how things panned out with my new man, and then it was tempting to check my messages as it just became habit, however after a couple of months I deleted everything possible and so did he. I know what you mean though I once had a bf that was on a site I didn't meet him on there, but he told me he had come off it as he liked me soooo much, he said u can check if you like, and you know what I did check as I just wasn't sure about him and there he was still on there, it said he last logged in 24 hrs ago, I browsed his profile and then came off and was thinking about how to deal with it,then to add insult to injury he sent me a message (not realising it was me browsing him) saying noticed you browsed my profile, did you like and why didn't you leave a message? When I did mention it to him he turned it all around that I didn't trust him and I shouldn't of checked on him, I'll be checking his phone next. He was right I did eventually and there was messages from women!

The guy I'm with now, I have never checked on never felt the need and I trust him , what I'm trying to say is trust your instincts your gut mine was right. It could be just he is laid back hasn't taken himself off them all, and it does take a while for emails etc to stop. Or do you feel he is up to something and can't trust him? It is hard when you've been cheated on but just go with your gut :-)

[stargirl04]

Hi Rock, well you're right to be and I personally would never trust someone 100 per cent.

It depends where you're at in life; if, unlike me, you are looking to settle down, then perhaps your guy's reaction is a sign that he's not ready yet. (I'm older, long in the tooth, and in no rush to commit to anyone, if at all ever.)

In which case it would be wise to move on completely, or, depending on how you feel about him, you could keep him as an acquaintance for social outings, leaving you free to meet other men.

Or you could simply laugh and take it as your cue to have fun with other friends yourself, while keeping him on the backburner.

Maya Angelou said: “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

My sister is just out of a 10yr marriage and has recently met someone else. He's really into her but she just isn't ready - waves him off after he's gone 2 hours out of his way to drop her off and hours later she is snogging someone else. I feel sorry for him. If he had any sense he'd be out there too, snogging other women......

[rockpink]

The naturally suspicious mind I have can't help it unfortunately.

[stargirl04]

Yes, but your post has got me wondering now!

[rockpink]

stargirl, are you still with him then?

[stargirl04]

Good luck Rockpink, whatever happens

I started seeing someone I met online 8 months ago and a couple of months into the relationship, I too noticed he'd been on PoF and "online today".

He hadn't told me he loved me yet or anything like that so I decided to think about how I would deal with it.

Having slept on it, I thought "Monkey see, monkey do" and went back online myself.

Also, I was still in touch with a friendly ex.

When the friendly ex texted me in the new guy's presence, new guy seemed keen to know who I'd had a text from and I said, "Oh, it's just friendly ex".

He said: "What's he texting you for? Does he know you're with me now? As far as I'm concerned you're my woman."

And here I took my cue. I said sweetly: "Well new guy, I'm not sure you have the right to make those demands of me as I notice that you are still active on POF. If you want to see others it's fine with me, but obviously things should be equal...."

A couple of days later he removed his profile.

It may just have been a red herring for all I know, and he's now communicating with ladies sneakily on another site.

Who knows? In my experience, if a man is cheating or doing something he shouldn't be, it will come out somehow. It always does.

[AnyFucker]

Of course ! < smacks self upside the head >

[rockpink]

Haha yes! it is indeed his boat being refitted! You are all very astute.

[januarycat]

Maybe it's his boat that's being refitted?

[AnyFucker]

As he's away to sea tomorrow for 4 months I think I have probably ruined his last night of leave

This is what you said on Friday, OP, and what people are getting confused about. Can you clarify ?

[TalisaMaegyr]

You said he was going away to sea

[rockpink]

Me too!
Thanks for everyone's support

[wafflyversatile]

Well I hope you sort it out, whatever that entails.

[rockpink]

He is, he's 4 hours away down South while his place of work is being refitted while he supervises stuff . He wants to see me & clear things so has got the weekend off.

[wafflyversatile]

I thought you said he was away for 4 months.

[rockpink]

I'm meeting him this weekend....

[zleepy]

stay with it and then end up like me. caught him on Pof last year and fabswingers yesterday. You xan delete on your phone - all sites have a delete option. most show last time they were on too.Ask.

[rockpink]

Well sporadic texts have been exchanged, still not sure what's going on. I've read the other thread on here and we sure have similarities!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Oh well.
Your gut told you something.
Trust it and move on.
Glad you had a nice evening.
Enjoy your day.
I'm working too.
Booooo.

[rockpink]

I am just as bad, my lovely pal and I posted a selfie of us enjoying wine tonight.
As I said lucky escape all round!
I'm at work tomorrow, bugger! !! too much escapism drinking and no reality check yet.

[wafflyversatile]

of course he is. He has to show that he's not bothered that you haven't texted him.

[rockpink]

He's on fb about how much fun he's having. ..

[drivingmisslazy]

I am terrible at unsub too, when I am on my phone I often accidently click the email above or below the one I actually want to open.

TBH I do not have trust issues, but my gut feeling is I believe him.

Hope you manage to sort it out.