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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Just when I thought I met a good one...

150 replies

rockpink · 29/06/2014 20:55

I have been seeing someone for quite a few months now, met each other's family (according to his friends I met recently he just doesn't "do" that kind of thing and he "really likes me!") and have introduced him to my DC's who think he's marvellous. So do I.

A month ago I found out he was still on Plenty of Fish (where we met) and when challenged he deleted his profile. He was upset with himself for upsetting me and really apologised. His mates were really cross with him and called him a bloody idiot.

Last week he had an email from Zoosk saying who'd looked at his profile... (he was checking out his emails when we were lying in bed after a lie in and I glimpsed it). He said he'd delete himself. On both websites he said he'd had trouble deleting them from his phone but would log on using a pc and sort it out.

So as I am sadly totally untrusting, having been cheated on all my life, I thought I'd check out Zoosk and he's on there.

He's supposed to come over tomorrow after work, I can pretend I haven't seen it, but what would you say to him?

OP posts:

Report

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 01/07/2014 20:28

:)

rockpink · 01/07/2014 23:08

I'm too chicken. Sat in pub being happy, watching footy, am not ruining anything. He's asked me to meet his sis tomorrow so I'm thinking I'll just maybe mention it in a month or something.
I'm such a wuss!

OP posts:

Frogisatwat · 02/07/2014 07:48

As has been said before it is difficult to remove yourself. They do that so they can say they have active members. I still get 'monthly match' emails. I darent log in to try and delete it as it will put me back to the top of users and all the crap emails start again.

mrsbrownsgirls · 02/07/2014 07:56

don't assume the worst if everything else is good !

exWifebeginsat40 · 02/07/2014 07:56

yep, the guy i met online had a bit of a moment the other night when a friend of his stumbled across half a match.com profile i set up months ago.

it said i had been online in the last 24 hours. i hadn't. when i went on the site i was still logged in from god knows when.

it's easy done but can definitely cause problems!

MorrisZapp · 02/07/2014 08:02

If anybody can help me to stop Upworthy clogging my FB feed all day long I'd be delighted, I have never subscribed to them.

OP, glad things are going well.

bobbywash · 02/07/2014 08:29

When I started my current relationship, I hid my profile on match, within a couple of weeks I wanted to delete it. I can only delete it by unhiding it, and then leaving it unhidden for a while (I forget how long) before deleting it.

I don't want to unhide it as it would show up, so I'm happy to leave it hidden. Its been over 2 years and I've forgotten my password anway. Don't jump to conclusions as has been said already, dating websites are hard to get off.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/07/2014 09:17

I think you are doing the right thing.
If it's all good then carry on.
As so many of us have said, it's a beeatch to delete profiles from dating sites.

rockpink · 04/07/2014 00:19

Don't know about deleting profiles but his Zoosk account says he's recently been online, having spent the last few days with me, he's gone home and straight on there by the looks of things.

OP posts:

YoBitch · 04/07/2014 00:46

oh op, is this going to eat you up?

wafflyversatile · 04/07/2014 00:48

Zoosk sends you emails if someone just looks at your profile. I signed up thought it was crap, didn't bother with it and I'm still getting emails years later. Men probably get looked at less often. you said you looked at it so he will have got a notification. You have probably inadvertently reminded him that he's got it.

fortyplus · 04/07/2014 00:58

You have to take your profile down while you're still an active subscriber or it will stay on there. Which is why so many people don't reply if you contact them. But what he should be able to do is take off his profile photo and then no one will bother contacting him.

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 04/07/2014 06:49

Morris click on their page and click the unsubscribe from feed button

rockpink · 04/07/2014 07:26

Yep, I think this might actually eat me up.

OP posts:

Fishstix · 04/07/2014 07:32

If his account says he has recently been online then you know he is lying to you and it's bullshit about being sorry. It'd be a very clear choice for me I'm afraid.

Walkacrossthesand · 04/07/2014 08:07

rockpink, is Zoosk one of the ones that tells you how long it is since somebody was active? Ie I presume it's sometimes saying 'active in the last week' and sometimes 'active yesterday', so you know he's not just left it logged on, but is logging in & out?

rockpink · 04/07/2014 09:25

Well I looked on Sunday and there wasnt a notification that he'd recently been on, looked yesterday and he's recently been on. There's a green notice that said recently active or something.
I know he isn't meeting anyone, he's either with me or his mates, (they're tagging each other on Facebook) but it is so annoying that I'm not good enough for him to just stop looking around and settle for me.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 04/07/2014 09:26

You need to talk to him then.
Be brave. Pull on your big pants and tackle this.
Do it soon and put your mind at rest.
If you are looking at him, then if he saw your profile, he might well be thinking the same thing and thinking it's 'allowed' as you are doing it.
You must need to log in to check on him, he may well be doing the same.
Please just speak to him about it.

rockpink · 04/07/2014 10:22

I'm not on zoosk as "me".... I obviously have serious trust issues and created a fake zoosk account so I could check up on him. What an idiot, to think I could trust someone!!

OP posts:

rosepetalsoup · 04/07/2014 10:28

Agree with Bogeyface.

rockpink · 04/07/2014 11:46

Well it looks like he's been on again, says Recently Online

OP posts:

rosepetalsoup · 04/07/2014 11:47

Oh - ok I don't agree with Bogeyface. What a tosser! I reckon chuck all his stuff in a skip and delete his number.

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rosepetalsoup · 04/07/2014 11:49

No second chances! You could spend the weekend on the phone to old friends, recovering, drinking a bottle of nice wine. You'll have recovered by Monday!! Courage, OP.

There are plenty more fish who didn't get mutated in the nuclear sewage pipes.

YoBitch · 04/07/2014 12:43

you don't have trust issues - your reaction is normal. however you really do need to find a way to speak to him about this as he's the only person who can put your mind at rest. what are your worries/fears about speaking to him?

hellsbellsmelons · 04/07/2014 12:43

You're not an idiot for trusting someone.
That's crazy talk.
You will find someone you can trust.
But if you can't trust this one and it's not looking good then time to dump.
NEXT!!!

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