Just when I thought I met a good one...

[rockpink]

I have been seeing someone for quite a few months now, met each other's family (according to his friends I met recently he just doesn't "do" that kind of thing and he "really likes me!") and have introduced him to my DC's who think he's marvellous. So do I.

A month ago I found out he was still on Plenty of Fish (where we met) and when challenged he deleted his profile. He was upset with himself for upsetting me and really apologised. His mates were really cross with him and called him a bloody idiot.

Last week he had an email from Zoosk saying who'd looked at his profile... (he was checking out his emails when we were lying in bed after a lie in and I glimpsed it). He said he'd delete himself. On both websites he said he'd had trouble deleting them from his phone but would log on using a pc and sort it out.

So as I am sadly totally untrusting, having been cheated on all my life, I thought I'd check out Zoosk and he's on there.

He's supposed to come over tomorrow after work, I can pretend I haven't seen it, but what would you say to him?

[rockpink]

I only have his Lynx shower gel to destroy!!
Had a chatty text this morning, hi how are you, did you sleep ok, don't work too hard etc.
I don't know what to reply.
Just dont get why he wanted me to meet his family if he's planning on searching for new ladies to meet where his ship is.

[Jamie1981]

Talk to him. My now husband checked up on me after we'd been together a few months. He'd found evidence that i'd been online. I hadn't. I'm not sure that these sites don't make it look like you've been online to make the site look busier. Certainly i'd have it out with him.
It could also be insecurity on his part - an unwillingness to put all his trust in you.
The fact that he wants you to meet all his family is a huge positive.

[Bogeyface]

Could it be that he was on there trying to delete his account?

A PP said that they need to have the account active for a certain amount of time in order to cancel it. It may yet have an innocent explaination, but you are not going to find out if you dont ask him!

[rosepetalsoup]

Yes have it out with him, but with the expectation of ending it. Maybe he'll have a good excuse! I hope so for you - but expect not.

[rockpink]

How do you start off the conversation. ... hi how are you, had a nice day? Btw I dont trust you because I cant trust anyone and I've seen you have been actively looking for women so why should I bother with you.

Or something!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Oh hi there.
Was with a friend the other night and she's looking for a fella so we were searching Zoosk.
Guess what we found?
We've checked you now a couple of time and every time it say you've been active recently so what the hell is going here?

[cautionintothewind]

You dont have trust issues, you are behaving how someone would when they find out they are being lied to.

Which is what he is doing.

Hes online, looking for women, you dont know that he isnt seeing any, many men seem to find the cheat and their wifes are all ' but, he has no time, hes at work, or with me', and your not even married to the man, nor living with him.

You just need to man up and tell him you know. You said you had already said to him about it and he said he had deleted his account, so you just need to day that you can see he hasnt deleted it and atll, you dont trust him, and so dont want to see him.

I know lots of posters always come up with 1001 reasons to explain his why he might still be online, but the fact is, there are no reasons why he should have an active profile, nor be lying to you about it.

[rockpink]

Hellsbells I'm going to use exactly what you said.
Thanks all
Wine later!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Without the spelling mistakes I hope.
Good luck with it.
I really hope it's all innocent.

[justiceofthePeas]

Having read this thread, I just went to delete my POF account. Stupidly forgot to check if it saud I had been online or not- I haven't.
But it did take me a good 10 minutes to get it deleted getting passed all the are you sure, why, oh go on stay pages to the actual big red delete button.

Just checked on my OH and it says he has been on in the last week and I am pretty sure he hasn't. Not deliberately at least. I suspect the app just shows him as online everytime you log on to your device/click away an alert.

I may ask him later though just to see if he still gets messages seeing as his profile is visible.

(I hid mine yet still did)

[justiceofthePeas]

Basically what I am saying is it isn't that easy to get rid of and there might be nothing in it.

[notapizzaeater]

Could it just flag as active if he's used his phone for Facebook, some of the sites I go on you log in through Facebook ?

[rockpink]

Well I checked it on sunday and he hadn't been "active" but yesterday he was. Because he wasnt with me??

[rockpink]

He is on Facebook a lot, was when he was with me but I didnt check zoosk then..if he'd been active on zoosk thru facebook I dont know..

[rockpink]

Still saying recently online...

[Bogeyface]

when are you going to stop internet stalking and just ask him?

You will be able to tell from his reaction, your gut will tell you if he is lying or not.

Posting on here isnt going to help you find out is it?

[LizzieBelle]

if you have trouble deleting profiles - contact the helpdesk and they ill do it for you. It is made difficult because they don't want you to leave!!!!

[rockpink]

Because I know what he'll say, he was trying to delete it or something! I'm working up courage.

[rockpink]

I sent something like your message Hellsbells, no reply yet.
Zoosk says hes active.

[rockpink]

Reply. .

It is sending me notifications which I've got no idea how to stop. That is the plain simple honest truth. Since it's probably linked to Facebook it will say I've been active! I repeat I'm not doing anything on dating sites

Don't believe it, but dont know how to be polite and say...

[justiceofthePeas]

Are you at all tech savvy? You could say if he gives you his login you will sort it for him.

[Egghead68]

Why don't you try to chat him up/arrange a date using your fake id and see if he bites?

I am afraid the evidence does suggest he's still using the sites if they only show he's. been active on days he's not been with you.

[rockpink]

I did try winking but there was no response!

[BluebellsandWhistles]

Have it out with him then at least you will know one way or the other. If he has any feeling for you he will be open and honest as to what is going on.

[rockpink]

I said "Impossible to sign out of dating websites? , Sorry but I'm very hurt. I asked you repeatedly to unsubscribe. It feels like I'm not enough for you, which is really really very hurtful. It feels like you're hedging your bets, and I've done nothing wrong". His latest fb status says the crap weather reflects his mood.