Who was rude/unreasonable here? Friend problem.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

I'm going to post this as neutrally as possible at first, hope that's okay, I just don't want my bias to influence the replies as I'm really not sure.

It involves friend A, B and C.

Friend A and B have been friends about 20 years, best friends about 10. Now live a few hundred miles apart, see each other maybe once or twice a year.

Friend B and C have been friendly for about 8 years, off and on.

Friend C was having a gathering in the town where friend A lives, friend B was going to come down to make a long weekend of it, see friend A and go to C's gathering. A and B make plans to spend saturday together and catch up.

Friend B is skint so friend C offers to lend/give money to B so B can book a flight and come up for 2 days/nights.

Friend B then says that they cannot spend day with A as planned, as because C paid for ticket it would be rude to ditch C for a few hours. Instead suggests A comes and spend a few hours with B and C altogether. A doesn't like C, so wants to stick to original plan and meet alone. B says no as C bought ticket.

Who is right?

Hope that isn't too hard to make sense of!

I feel sorry for friend B - she is caught on the middle and feels under an obligation to C. I'd hope A could try to be understanding and join in.
Okay, now I've said that, which one are you?

I can understand A wanting to see B, but since the purpose of the visit was for C's gathering, then A should have anticipated meeting B at C's do.

It must be hard for B to be stuck in the middle, could C not go to the do and put on a smile for a few hours for the sake of her old friend B?

B is right. It would be very rude to ditch c when c is paying for the trip!

A can either see b another time, or can go to c's party (assuming c has no objections to that?) and be nice to c for a few hours as a courtesy.

If I was A, I'd see B whenever she could manage and infer how bothered she was about the friendship from what that consisted of.

If I was B, I'd be wary of borrowing or taking money off a friend, particularly if it then created favouritism tensions between two friends of different contexts who did not get on with each other. If I wanted to spend time with A, I wouldn't let the financial obligation to C get in the way of that.

If I was C, I'd appreciate that A and B have a history that doesn't include me, and expect them to make time for each other without me at some point in the visit.

You're A, right ?

Next time A should buy the flight rights to her friend's time

I think some people are reading this as, A would have to go to C's party to see B. But that's not right is it ? B has 2 days. So B is suggesting seeing A along with C on the other day, aside from her party.

In which case C should accept that just because you lend someone money you don't get to control their life.

Does C want/expect/have time to spend the whole two days with B? She might have her own shit going on. Does C like A?

B is staying over at C's house both nights, if that is important.

Gosh I am confused.

No, that doesn't stop B from seeing A one to one if she wants to.

Yes, I'm A.

I'm pretty annoyed about it to be honest. I'm trying not to be and look at it from the other side, but I feel like I've been ditched

You're B, aren't you?

I don't think anyone is in the wrong. I just wouldn't accept a friend paying for my flights tbh...would have solved this dilemma.

Oh, just seen your update... You're A! I can see why you're put out. You made plans and B went back on that. But the money thing does complicate things, so I can see where B is coming from.

A doesn't know what the agreement was between B and C with regards to paying for the ticket and plans for the weekend.

B's suggestion that A joins her and C seems fine to me. A seems a bit churlish about it.

I'd feel the same.

I'd arrange to go for a coffee with B, if she insists on bringing C then I'd grin and bear it, give them a bright smile, say 'I hope the party is great fun!' Then go home and sob in my pillow wait for A to get in touch at a later date.

How has your friendship been til now, has she put in as much effort to maintaining it as you have ?

You haven't been ditched you have been invited to see her under different circumstances but you don't like her friend. Think you are putting her in a difficult position.

*B in that last sentence, sorry. Initials v confusing !!!

I'm going to explain my situation.

I live in a different country to my family, my dad got sick several years ago. Mum paid for the flight and I lived with her for 2 month to help out. I wasn't trapped in the house just because she paid for the flight but she was my PRIMARY concern and I asked if she was okay that I went to see my friends while home.

A couple years later my dad passed on. Again mum paid for the flight to be there for 2 weeks. Again I stayed with mum. I asked her if she minded if one of my friends came over (said friend drove several hours to be at dads funeral), she was, of course, fine with it. I also think I had my hair done and went to lunch with a friend. No problem.

My sister on the other hand, mum paid for her flight down for the funeral from another state. She slept at the house but spent the rest of the week she was there with her friends, at the bar, and basically was never there. Understandably mum was a bit hurt that she paid for the flight and was a secondary reason, rather than primary.

So taking from that - Friend C is paying for the trip. That doesn't mean that Friend B is tied to her for the entire trip. It would be respectful for Friend B to say "I'm going to stop by and see A for an hour or two while in town. What time would be best?" If friend C kicks up a stink about it, friend C isn't really a friend to B. If B doesn't think it's important enough to see A for an hour or 2, then B isn't a good friend of A either.

Bit of a mess really.

You don't like C OP or you hate her because she did some awful to you? If it's the former suck it up. Friend B is trying to do 'the right thing'.

Next time you pay

Does c hate you too? Does b think c would be cross or does she just feel obliged?

I have had long distant friends stay with me and visit others alone, though I hadn't paid for tickets.

I get too confused with A, B, C and unnamed towns. Write it out like a novel, OP! Change the names, give us some towns (not the actual ones) - it's too hard for me to follow otherwise.

If I were you I would be irritated too. It's a shame that C apparently cannot lend money without strings attached or that B cannot assert her right to spend some time away from C.

I think B should still meet A. C can't control everything about the visit just because she has paid.

Imperial you have dim company