Who was rude/unreasonable here? Friend problem.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

I'm going to post this as neutrally as possible at first, hope that's okay, I just don't want my bias to influence the replies as I'm really not sure.

It involves friend A, B and C.

Friend A and B have been friends about 20 years, best friends about 10. Now live a few hundred miles apart, see each other maybe once or twice a year.

Friend B and C have been friendly for about 8 years, off and on.

Friend C was having a gathering in the town where friend A lives, friend B was going to come down to make a long weekend of it, see friend A and go to C's gathering. A and B make plans to spend saturday together and catch up.

Friend B is skint so friend C offers to lend/give money to B so B can book a flight and come up for 2 days/nights.

Friend B then says that they cannot spend day with A as planned, as because C paid for ticket it would be rude to ditch C for a few hours. Instead suggests A comes and spend a few hours with B and C altogether. A doesn't like C, so wants to stick to original plan and meet alone. B says no as C bought ticket.

Who is right?

Hope that isn't too hard to make sense of!

I'm so dim I took that as an insult at first, Frog!

Ok this is my summary of my understanding.

Alice and Bea have been bessies for 20 years but live apart and don't see each other often these days.

Bea has more recently become friends with Carrie.

Alice lives near Carrie. Carrie is having a party. She offers to pay for Bea to travel to join the party. Bea is coming for 2 nights.

Alice would like to see Bea without Carrie being present because she does not get on with her.
Bea thinks that because Carrie paid for her travel, she cannot do it without Carrie.

Alice is hurt by this.

OP, is that an accurate summary ?

No I am dimmer than a dimmer switch in dimsville dimland!

Thanks stands. I feel a light coming on..

Think you all need to grow up.

HTH

I left these following points out because, in fairness, they shouldn't matter, but they are a bit of the reason I'm annoyed.

For you Imperial! C (let's call him Colin) is male. A (me) and B (... having a blank with B names, Brenda?!) are female. Brenda spent years wanting to get together with Colin and I had to frequently pick up the pieces of it never really happening, despite, I feel, him leading her on (hence my dislike for him). They lost touch for years. Colin is now happily settled for years with a nice partner. Partner was away the weekend of this gathering.

I had no idea she suddenly couldn't afford the ticket up. She didn't say. Had she said, I would have preferred to lend/give the money to her myself, or for her to not come and I'd see her another time. But borrowing the money off him just seems wrong, for a number of reasons. I never think is a good idea being into any kind of "debt" really, certainly not for a party, but I kind of fell like she's asked him to "rescue" her by borrowing money from him.

Hang on, will answer more questions, on the app so can't scroll up...

It's only two days, so I think that's fair enough. B is being reasonable, A isn't.

Sorry, Brenda and Colin were in the same friendship group too, so there was a group friendship there aside from Brenda being hugely hung up on Colin. So Brenda is saying they are back to bring friends again like the good old times...

Hang on a minute. He is organising a get together when his partner is away and is paying the fare for someone who has/had the hits for him to attend. And she is spending all the time with him and not you.

Gets coat.

Hots not hits

B isn't coming just to see you, the main purpose of the weekend was for C's party. How she gets herself there is none of your business, so What do you mean you'd have preferred B not to come if she couldn't afford the ticket?

You seem to be awfully over involved in what you think B should and shouldn't be doing.

And there's no indication that it's C stopping B from seeing you alone for a few hours, that seems to be all B's feelings - she's the one that thinks it would be unfair to ditch C.

GoldenSands yes that's right. But when I asked if I could see Brenda at some point (any point over the two days) just us, rather than me tagging along with Colin, her and one of their other friends, she said no

What Exit said.

You need to start a new thread saying:

My best friend of 20 years has had a crush on a married male friend of ours for a v long time. His wife is going away soon and he is holding a party. He is paying for her to come down to be part of it. She won't see me without him while she is here.

Then see what responses you get.

Mine would be: distance yourself as much as possible from this massive potential car crash.

Just to clarify, Canary I don't think Colin would have given a shiny shite if Brenda had buggered off for a few hours to do girly things with a friend. I think it is squarely Brenda who has decided this, or is using it as an excuse because she wants to spend every possible minute with Colin etc, even if that means not seeing me.

PS. Good username btw !

Colin is not interested in Brenda, he really is very happily settled, bought house together, pets, etc. Brenda says she is not interested in Colin in that way anymore, they are all just friends.

Bit because I've just been ditched so she can spend every waking moment with him, I'm not sure that's true.

Thanks Golden I like yours too, I'm a sucker for song lyric names!

If Alice sees Brenda during that weekend, will Brenda just witter on about Colin? In that case Alice is dodging a bullet.

Seriously though, this is disappointing for Alice but Brenda's message is clear, and I think the money issue is an excuse.

thanks - I always find it hard to think of usernames, songs are a good way of coming up with something more memorable I think !

As mipmop says, I think you just have to back off and let Brenda get on with it. And then be sure not to be there to indulge her for any emotional mopping up if she gets handed her cards.

Do you have a close enough relationship with A to say to him that he needs to discourage her ? Probably not a great idea anyway though.

I think it's an excuse too. Brenda wants to spend time with Colin and not Alice!!

brace yourself for more picking up of pieces...

Also Canary, I know it's none of my business how she paid for it etc, but she told me, and said that was why she couldn't come and see me.

Again, not my business how people spend other people's their money, but when you are apparently totally skint, borrowing money to go spend the weekend with a bunch of guys, especially with all the back story, doesn't seem wise. And it wasn't so she could see me too, as evidently, seeing me want so important, as it could be disposed of if it meant she had to not see Colin for a few hours.

It hurts.

That changes things, OP. If C is a happily married male, then I don't think he'll be peed off that B wants to go see you for a few hours. 'Tis an excuse!

I suspect Colin's bored and wants to flatter his ego. Brenda sounds like an idiot. She's deluding herself Avoid both and save yourself the drama.

I think your friend was rude. She made firm plans to see you and has gone against them - apparently out of politeness to Colin...

cant alice just get over her dislike of colin…