Who was rude/unreasonable here? Friend problem.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

I'm going to post this as neutrally as possible at first, hope that's okay, I just don't want my bias to influence the replies as I'm really not sure.

It involves friend A, B and C.

Friend A and B have been friends about 20 years, best friends about 10. Now live a few hundred miles apart, see each other maybe once or twice a year.

Friend B and C have been friendly for about 8 years, off and on.

Friend C was having a gathering in the town where friend A lives, friend B was going to come down to make a long weekend of it, see friend A and go to C's gathering. A and B make plans to spend saturday together and catch up.

Friend B is skint so friend C offers to lend/give money to B so B can book a flight and come up for 2 days/nights.

Friend B then says that they cannot spend day with A as planned, as because C paid for ticket it would be rude to ditch C for a few hours. Instead suggests A comes and spend a few hours with B and C altogether. A doesn't like C, so wants to stick to original plan and meet alone. B says no as C bought ticket.

Who is right?

Hope that isn't too hard to make sense of!

You could you know - just tell her to jog on.

Or that you are coming round mine that night for some top tips on extracting yourself from the grip of annoying users.

It's ok to vent on MN. But yes, do use one ofnthe blunt variations of "jog on" that you've been given here with her. Don't make a big deal and engage further, it seems she thrives on that kind of melodrama. Don't give her the pleasure

I'm going to tell her no.

I'm also going to mention the fact that this is the first time I've heard from her in months.

Oh blimey, I think it's not anything like a big deal. Don't say anything about her not being in contact. Just be annoyed by yourself, tell her the plans haven't quite worked and you'll see her some other time.

I had to read this about 10 times and draw diagrams to help myself figure it all out.

A should chill out. Do people really get het up about stuff like this?!

I like Doreen's reply too

'Hi Brenda, as you probably remember I was really keen to meet and catch up last year which sadly,you didn't feel able to fit in while visiting Colin. Since then I've had a terrible year, you won't be aware of this because you haven't actually been in touch to ask. So, on balance I think I will decline your offer of catching up between 1am and 9am on Saturday but thanks for the offer anyway. How about asking Colin? I hear he's had a baby recently so will probably be up all night anyway. Bye.'

I'd just say sorry Friday doesn't work for me, hope you have a nice weekend. Leave it at that.

I don't think there's any need to make a big deal out of it.

If the friendship is essentially over, why bother hashing things out anyway?

Just say 'I have other plans, can't put you up.' And be done with it!

Like your work Matilda.

OP she was a terrible friend. Not your fault. Good luck dropping her and moving on.

*I'm going to tell her no.

I'm also going to mention the fact that this is the first time I've heard from her in months.*

She sounds like a user and like she's not going to change or be bothered. I'd just say. "I'm not free on X date to catch up."

I suppose I am just hoping that she's taken temporary leave of her consideration and perhaps if she's called on it she'll replay the last couple of years over in her mind and go "bloody hell, I've been a terrible friend".

We've been friends for 20 years. I would like it to be salvageable. It probably doesn't sound like it from this thread, bit I'm a very low maintenance friend, honestly.

I don't think you sound high maintenance. I do think she sounds selfish, and in my experience selfish fairweather friends never change. It's not you.

I don't think you sound high maintenance either! I just think you might be flogging a dead horse so what's the point?!

Well I texted her. Said "Oh hello stranger, so I only hear from you these days when you need somewhere to stay" and also said it didn't really suit as I'm away all week with work and don't get back until late on Friday, and DH is on early shift so he'll be up at 4am.

To which she replied "no [angel emoticon] you're my first choice of all the people I know in X City to spend time with"

I would text back 'maybe next time' in case she thinks you're joking or something!

oh please send her what Matilda said, OP

i wouldn't respond tbh.

so hurtful when this happens. yes, she is a shit friend and you've done the right thing by letting it go.

I'd reply 'Really? You aren't mine.' but then I'm a bit tiddly now. I'd just ignore her all around.

I would have said "yes of course, can't wait to see you!" Then on Friday morning/afternoon cancelled for some innocuous reason which would be perfectly reasonable to work around, but I simply couldn't inconvenience myself to do so. What goes around comes around and all that....

But then I am a bit of a vengeful bitch

B shouldn't be going if she can't afford it.

I'd say 'maybe next time', as suggested above, and resist the temptation to add 'when hell freezes over'. Not a chance would I have her to stay. The friendship has run its course. It's rotten when that happens, but it does. She is a user, IMO. Tell her to jog on.