Who was rude/unreasonable here? Friend problem.

[HotDogJumpingFrogAlburquerque]

I'm going to post this as neutrally as possible at first, hope that's okay, I just don't want my bias to influence the replies as I'm really not sure.

It involves friend A, B and C.

Friend A and B have been friends about 20 years, best friends about 10. Now live a few hundred miles apart, see each other maybe once or twice a year.

Friend B and C have been friendly for about 8 years, off and on.

Friend C was having a gathering in the town where friend A lives, friend B was going to come down to make a long weekend of it, see friend A and go to C's gathering. A and B make plans to spend saturday together and catch up.

Friend B is skint so friend C offers to lend/give money to B so B can book a flight and come up for 2 days/nights.

Friend B then says that they cannot spend day with A as planned, as because C paid for ticket it would be rude to ditch C for a few hours. Instead suggests A comes and spend a few hours with B and C altogether. A doesn't like C, so wants to stick to original plan and meet alone. B says no as C bought ticket.

Who is right?

Hope that isn't too hard to make sense of!

Who the fuck is Alice ?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Alice Cooper is disappointed that Brenda Blethyn wants to spend the entire weekend with Colin Firth.

(OP will now tell us Alice is female)

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear you made me spit out my cheesecake!

Still chuckling.

This was yesterday, after about twenty texts back and forth, staying with her saying "we're all at the pub, want to come meet us" and me saying "okay then shall we had into town? " and her saying she can't really leave, and me saying I'd wait until later then when she was free, her saying she wouldn't be able to leave later either, me asking "not even for a drink/dinner" , her saying no, me asking if they "needed to be joined at the hip all day " her saying "haha no but I think I need to stay with Colin, since he made it possible for me to come up", me saying "I thought we had plans today to catch up properly, I'd kept today free to see you" and her saying that since she was up for less days she has had to ditch me change the plans and can we not just ask hang out together?

I fizzed for ages, about an hour. I was so annoyed. But I thought that i was basically being backed into a corner where I had to either go, or I wouldn't see her at all, and I think if I didn't meet her (given she was round the corner), the friendship wouldn't really recover that, if you know what I mean? It was too big a statement to make. If you take the facts as they are in my OP, it sounds ridiculous for me not to go.

Eventually text back saying I would come but that it was purely because I wanted to see her and she had left me no choice, but that I thought the whole thing was weird.

I went, it was fine, but we didn't "catch up" at all because we were in a big group of guys I don't really know. Didn't see her today either. And I'm really upset about it still this evening.

staying = starting
ask = all

So basically this guy has paid for her to come up and stay with him while his wife is away, she won't stir from his side?
I'd suggest just backing off and leaving her to it. It sounds as though she is about to crash and burn spectacularly tbh. She hasn't been kind or thoughtful to you, don't keep chasing her. Sorry.

No other women apart from her?

Her and me.

But just her staying, yes. They all just kipped on sofas like they did in student days. Nothing dodgy.

So are they friends from uni then and he just happens to live near you?

I think she is being over precious saying she cannot leave him to spend a few hours with you.

Yeah we all went to same uni, she moved back to our home town after, both Colin and I stayed in the uni town (separately, obviously, Colin and I are not friends, I only know him through all the years of Brenda's drama)

I think you have been a bit dramatic by saying you would go see her and Colin "because she left you no choice" etc. yes it's nicer to catch up just the 2 of you but I think an hours worth of texts about it then begrudgingly going to see her at the pub, and making it known that it's begrudging, is a bit awkward!

So you and she were friends before uni?

so was the group all people who went to uni together and you didn't go to uni with them, and Brenda is your old school friend?

If so maybe she didn't want to leave the group, rather than just Colin?
Why don't you like Colin? Have you been in the same social group? Used to be friends?

So Colin planned a party and invited Brenda.
Brenda said yay! I'll try and come.
Brenda says to you she's coming up for a party for 3 days (?) and you two should meet up at some point during the 3 days.
You say Yay!
Brenda realises she's skint and mentions it to Colin.
Colin says he'll pay for her flights.
The flights are booked (cheapest that fit round the party?) meaning she will be there for 2 days only?
Having Colin pay for her flights and only coming up for a shorter time she says there is only time to see you if you come to meet them, rather than her coming to you as Colin paid, but also because she would be missing out on a shorter reunion/paaarty like students time if she leaves to meet you?

Is that about right?

Op I think you are right. Just because B is staying with C it doesn't mean she can't go off for a few hours with you.

As long as she's not missing the actual party then she's not actually ditching C.

Yes, about 10 years before. We went to uni together, she meet Colin at uni.

Just read the full thread. B is definitely unreasonable, she just wants to spend time getting close to C. Make other plans and stay away.

She still has the hots for him. And your friendship is less important.

If you were all at uni together why were you not invited? And where has his wife gone?

I am thinking too much about this aren't I?

We went to uni together, but different colleges. The friendship group Colin and she are in are from her college. I knew them all at the time, (not well, but various nights out) there were a couple of other girls in the group too, but I didn't spend much time with Colin because I didn't like him much because of all the almost-relationship drama. None of the girls were at this weekend's gathering, just the guys.

Wife just away with work, she knew about the gathering, it's all above board on that front.

Waffley yeah that's pretty much it! But I feel like there was no reason for her to not spend some time just us, as Colin wouldn't care, but she obviously either considers me expendable/no need to make an effort if there is something better to do/has lost her rational thinking in her obsession with having a weekend as "one of the guys"/doesn't really care whether she sees me or not.

As it seems Colin would not have been bothered (and the others would not have been bothered?) then it does seem like it's her you've got beef with, if anyone.

Who suggested you meet up when she was there? You or her? Maybe she was yeah sure, but then realised this would mean missing out on spending time with colin, or maybe she was just really enjoying herself and didn't want to drag herself away from the party atmosphere when it was quite simple for you to come out too and enjoy the party with people you also know of old. You might not like Colin but he wasn't the only person there.

Brenda is a Wendy, and no friend of yours. Move on. Her true colours you have seen.

She suggested it, she said "I'm coming up to Uni town on weekend of 21st as Colin is having a gathering, so keep Saturday clear for some quality time with your best bud".

At the time I said great! Will do, can't wait, then as convo went on we talked about (after i asked) WhyTF she was going to sleep at a Colin's house when his wife is away, she said they were all just staying there, and they are all just happy friends now and she not interested like that.

So you had plans to sound Saturday with her, and she changed those plans on the day? So your weekend is essentially wasted hanging around trying to arrange to meet and then you tag along to a big reunion of a group of people? Sounds awful.