Had anyone married in prison?

[HarrietLicthman]

I've been with my partner for just over 9 years. He's been inside for just over 3. We've decided to get married and I'm so excited, nervous and all of those emotions.

I just wanted to talk to anyone else who has done this? It's can be quite a lonely time having a partner inside.

I'm not looking for advice on if I should marry him, that has been decided already. I'm just looking for someone even just one person who knows my situation and I can talk to

Please no negative posts I get enough of that in RL as it is

Thanks

Prisons are NOT full of innocent people. Prisons are full of people with poor impulse and anger management skills, many of whom are really quite dim. The number of wrongly convicted people is in the minority.
In the case of the OP he has served 3 years and is no where near release. That implies a 'serious' crime. All her friends and family think this is a bad idea. That implies a 'serious' crime too. And yet the OP and other posters expect some cheerleading for this? No I don't think so.
Very good chance marrying this man will wreck the OP's life. Don't do it.

Good heavens. What an odd thread. I think Jeremy Bamber is innocent (it's really not a wacky view). Do I have to marry him now Mimsy?

Mwah mum- your posts are ridiculously naive.

As the saying goes wormwood Scrubs is full of people who "didnt do it". You ask any of them, it wasn't them! Honest!!

Exactly what chaseface says! ^^ exactly that. People who are found guilty by a judge or by a jury are open to being condemned and judged by the rest of society.

Clearly the OP is well aware she is signing up to the possibility of a husband who may be absent for some years. That's WHY she's asking for experiences isn't it? If he was due out next March she'd plan the wedding for then, I suspect.

Academic studies consistently put the wrongful conviction rate at around 8% BTW, for those of you interested.

I know the Op won't answer, which I understand, but I'm just interested. So , they had been together 6 years before he got put away, I wonder if the Op knew he was up to no good or not.

Was it a one off crime or has he always broken the law and had just or caught this time?

None of my business but curious.

Funny that if the percentage of people wrongly convicted is 8% that there's a much larger percentage saying they were wrongly convicted!!!

Also- the op doesn't say he didnt do it just that he's appealing the sentence. That's two different things.

chase I wouldn't know off-hand.

"I'm marrying him with the thought that he's not going to get out so I'm not disappointed"

Not going to get out... ever?

Please say you are not getting married to someone with a life sentence

I'm sure the OP said further up thread that he wasn't actually a Cat A prisoner and was waiting for a transfer? In that case we really can have no idea of the nature of his crime.
Also whether he is guilty or not isn't really he most important factor in her decision making. She probably already knows the answer to this herself.
What is important is if she believes he can be 'rehabilitated' or not. I think i have only seen one other poster mention anything like this. Just because someone has committed an offence it doesn't mean he will do it again or anything similar. Obviously crime dependent as there is research suggesting some crimes are more likely to be repeated and some are not.
Having thought about that OP could you marry him thinking about a life after he leaves prison and not just the life you will have whilst he is in prison?
You say that some people in your life have been negative about your decision, will you have anyone who is supportive of him and your relationship when he gets out? Your circumstances will be difficult enough without support.
My opinion (rather than experience a which you asked for) is that it would be better to wait until he is out of prison, no matter how long it takes as you will then both know what ou are really facing.
I wish you well OP. I have a friend who will never be leaving prison (abroad) and I have had stick for that!

Perhaps he is a CAT A prisoner and the OP is just trying to downplay things.

I feel very sorry for those who love and care for her, they must be at their wits end.

Lots of jumping to conclusions here from chaseface and others.

First off, where has it been said that her family and friends "clearly know more of the circumstances and are still very concerned"? OP hasn't posted that at all. She has said that since announcing their plans she has 'got a few shit comments' - we don't know who made those comments - and that she grew up knowing her partner and that their families know one another. Nothing saying specifically that her family oppose it. They may do, but that has not been confirmed - however, people are posting as if it's fact.

"by insisting on marrying her crim the OP is breaking social codes" - so does everyone who gets sent to prison have to start divorce proceedings if they are already married then? I think I missed the memo where people in prison weren't allowed to enter into or maintain relationships. The way they do so is of course restricted by their loss of freedom but that doesn't mean those relationships don't or can't exist. Presumably if that was the case, no weddings would be allowed to take place in prison, and we know that they do.

OP has also said he is not a Cat A prisoner, which again many posters have not taken any notice of.

I didn't notice the OP asking for "cheerleading" either. She asked about other people's experiences. Fair enough to tell her not to do it, if people feel she's making the wrong decision, but there is so definite embellishing of the OP's narrative being done here by other posters.

mammadiggingdeep I didn't say that everyone in prison is innocent, but there are a lot of people in prison who are innocent, just like a lot of people have committed crimes pleaded not guilty and found not guilty.

I don't know why people are still commenting on this thread, the OP is not coming back to this thread to feed all of you.

People are still commenting on the thread in the desperate hope that the OP will reconsider her options!

Prisons are so overcrowded that it is really quite difficult to get sent to prison for a long stretch unless you've done something fairly appalling. And even if - IF - her DP is one of the few innocent prisoners then it would be better to wait until he is out rather than put her life on hold.

There's very little info to go on here, but there is no way its a good idea for anyone to marry someone who will be spending the rest of the foreseeable future in jail.

Why would anyone advise someone to go ahead with that course of action?

It's a rhetorical question.

She wasn't asking for advice though!

And?

OP, on the off chance you are still reading this, have you contacted POP's? They are a support service for the families of prisoners, and may be able to put you in touch with others in this situation.

It would be easier to marry in a cat b than cat a. Just slightly less restrictive.

Also do you visit him often? If you do, it's common to build up a rapport with the other visiting families of prisoners with long tariffs. It may be worth chatting to some of them to see if they know of anyone whose been through this experience.

It's not about being supportive, but being rude to the OP and demanding she answers questions is probably going to make her more determined to do this, than not.

Mwah mum- don't be so rude to people posting in this thread. "You don't know why people are posting on this thread, the op isn't coming back to feed you". Feed you???? Who made you the thread police ? Should people stop posting now you've said so.

That isn't how it works. It's actually been quite an interesting discussion and may have been useful for some lurkers/posters.

I'll wade in with another un-asked for opinion.
Whether you should marry a criminal we'll leave aside. But my opinion on marrying whilst he's inside - surely, everything to lose and nothing to gain. Just - why WOULD you?