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Original poster

Had anyone married in prison?

126 replies

HarrietLicthman · 17/06/2014 22:06

I've been with my partner for just over 9 years. He's been inside for just over 3. We've decided to get married and I'm so excited, nervous and all of those emotions.

I just wanted to talk to anyone else who has done this? It's can be quite a lonely time having a partner inside.

I'm not looking for advice on if I should marry him, that has been decided already. I'm just looking for someone even just one person who knows my situation and I can talk to Smile

Please no negative posts I get enough of that in RL as it isHmm

Thanks Smile

OP posts:
Seabright · 17/06/2014 23:22

A marriage is legal even if it's not consummated, but if a party decided they wanted to end the marriage, they could apply for an annulment, rather than a divorce, as a marriage can be annulled due to non-consummation.

And having a marriage annulled basically means you have never been married, so are free to remarry in church, if that's what you want, as the first marriage is considered never to have existed.

MwahMum · 17/06/2014 23:22

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone She doesn't have to say what he is in prison for... What for people to start judging them both. Like I previously stated she asked if others have been in the same position. We are not her friends we are just here to give advice, not to take it upon ourselves to try and find out the ins and outs.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 17/06/2014 23:23

So what did he do, murder, rape, gbh, armed robbery? When everybody in your life is telling you you're behaving in an insanely stupid and immoral (by support of his actions) manner, you should think about why. What he did is important, if you can 'love' the type of man who rapes women, beats people into a coma for fun, shoves guns into peoples faces, kills people.... tick as appropriate, then there's something seriously wrong with you and you need your head checked, not prison wedding advice.

Original poster
HarrietLicthman · 17/06/2014 23:24

Talisa-that's why I came on here.

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 17/06/2014 23:26

But you're saying now that you're going to leave the thread as 'it's not what you came for' Confused

I'm sure you're used to people being curious. You can't blame people for wanting to know more information. I appreciate that you wanted an answer to one question, but that's not how it works, is it?

Doinmummy · 17/06/2014 23:27

Thanks seabright I didn't know that.

OpiesOldLady · 17/06/2014 23:27

I'll ask again OP, in case you missed it earlier.

Do you have children with him?

MwahMum · 17/06/2014 23:28

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon Are you just here to upset and try and put OP off marrying him?

greyhoundgymnastics · 17/06/2014 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greyhoundgymnastics · 17/06/2014 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
HarrietLicthman · 17/06/2014 23:31

Like I said if you read my OP I'm not looking for advice if I should marry him or not just wanted to talk to people In this situation. I've had some lovely PMs so I think ill leave it there. Thanks for all the posts both positive and not so.

OP posts:
wheretoyougonow · 17/06/2014 23:32

Mwah - I'm going out on a limb here but most people in a cat A prison are not innocent.

BOFster · 17/06/2014 23:33

I think it is kind of acceptable that society judges people who rape and murder etc, greyhoundgymnastics. That's basically why they go to prison.

greyhoundgymnastics · 17/06/2014 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Petallic · 17/06/2014 23:35

But the family and friends of people who are in prison don't need judging which is what is happening here.

greyhoundgymnastics · 17/06/2014 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MwahMum · 17/06/2014 23:37

wheretoyougonow There are a lot of INNOCENT people in prison, do not judge did you see OPs partner commit the crime? I don't think so.

greyhounds Exactly and to imagine we are all mothers here, I was taught "don't judge until you have proof that something has happened" now if everyone thought like that the world would be a much happier place.

BOFster · 17/06/2014 23:39

Every man in Shawshank, according to Morgan Freeman...

OpiesOldLady · 17/06/2014 23:47

No, that's not what is happening here.

What's happening is that a poster has started a thread saying that she intends to marry her partner whilst he is in prison. She has said that he is currently in a category A prison, the type that houses the most dangerous and violent inmates. It's a natural conclusion to wonder why the OP would want to marry a man like that. It's also a natural conclusion that people would be concerned that he may have... brainwashed(for want of a better word) her into thinking that she needs him, that she loves him and tying her to him by marriage is one way of exerting his control over her.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 17/06/2014 23:53

Mwah; If the op believed him innocent she would have said so from the beginning, she's never said that she believes him innocent or even guilty of a crime that's not too awful and could be forgiven/justified. No, she's evaded the question for very good reason, it's something bad enough that her family and friends are giving her hassle for it.

I wouldn't wish for anyone to marry a violent criminal, I doubt that the op is going to listen to sense from strangers over the internet when she won't hear it from her own family and friends but I'll give my opinion that she shouldn't anyway. It's not helpful to encourage women to marry serious criminal offenders and it does raise issues about their sanity, morality, self esteem. Maybe op will think about that if enough people bring it up because she'll never be able to overcome her issues until she figures out what they are.

What op wants to hear and what she needs to hear are two very different things. This is mumsnet, not 'you go marry that rapist/murderer, woohoo.com' and you can cheerlead her all you want, the rest of us aren't obliged to.

SecretWitch · 17/06/2014 23:54

I worked in a prison, I did meet not meet one man who admitted guilt, they were all 'innocent', framed, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Regardless, the OP wants to marry her man. I hope you find what you are looking for..

Solo · 18/06/2014 00:05

From what I saw over many years; it was more the person serving a sentence that wanted to get married. One conversation I had with a prisoner was that he "didn't want her to stray" Hmm. Not sure that would work!

Permission to get married has to be granted by the prison Governing Governor.
The ceremony usually takes place in a secure board room or office type place within the prison. Rings can be exchanged. There might be a photo or two. Never known a cake allowed in. Guests aren't usually an option. A quick kiss and that's as intimate as it gets.

If a friend of mine said she was marrying someone inside, I would absolutely try to put her off until he was out and they'd got to know one another properly first.

gertiegusset · 18/06/2014 00:27

But how do you tell your parents you are marrying a convicted criminal who is still inside?
I mean, really, how do you do it?

The thought of DD or DSs saying this is Shocking

ValiumQueen · 18/06/2014 06:57

Interesting post Pidj.

I have attended a couple of weddings in a Cat B prison and they were just like a registry office ceremony. They had no private time together, but everyone was sensitive to the situation.

I think so long as the crime is not against a child or of a sexual nature then the OP and the Prisoner have every right to get married. If however, the offence is as I described, especially if you have children with him, or plan to have more, then I think you are a fool.

Hopefully some folk will PM you and support you that way.

WildBillfemale · 18/06/2014 07:43

If you want a dress, a ring and a wedding certificate go ahead.

If you want a marriage then dump the crim and find someone free to build a proper partnership with.