Thinking of ending things with DP, because of other people's prejudice. Really need help.

[unbelievablyconfused]

Hi

In a relationship with a woman (am a woman) and we've been together for a few years now.

Overall, I'm very happy with her. In the beginning, although it was a new world to me, as I'd always identified as straight, I was very confident and proud of our relationship. When we got looks or nasty comments, I genuinely didn't give a toss. I was/am too loved up.

As time goes on though, I'm finding it harder to deal with. The comments aren't constant, but we couldn't go out and hold hands without getting a lot of stares at the very least. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm really ashamed to admit this.

She's perfect on so many levels. I love her so much and I can't actually believe that I'm considering bailing because of what others think and say.

I have a daughter, who's still in primary school and I really worry that she will be teased as well. I feel so much responsibility to keep her safe from bullies and I feel like I'm kind of fueling the fire by being in a same sex, albeit loving, relationship.

Due to several circumstances, we're supposed to be moving within the next month or so, but I'm getting cold feet. One reason is to actually get away from the bigots and move to a much more liberal and diverse area.

I don't want to leave her, but I find myself fantasising about a time when I didn't have to worry about what others thought and I could just go out and hold my ex's DP's hand because I was in a straight relationship. Nobody would judge me, or whisper and point. Although I have never been in love like this, life was easier.

Me and DP have even had to deal with phsycial abuse over our relationship. Usually it's just staring, tutting and things like that. Lost a few friends over it too. It certainly showed me who my friends actually were.

I know people will probably tell me that I should just hold my head up high and be proud, but it's so so hard and the pressure I feel right now to make the right decision is immense. This is, by far, the hardest decision I will ever have to make, because it's not just my future, it's my daughter's and she is the most important person in my life.

DP can't relate and thinks I'm massively over thinking this. I haven't told her that I'm actually considering leaving, but I've told her how hard I find it sometimes and how those feelings are gradually increasing.

Because we're supposed to be moving very soon, which means changing school too, I can almost hear the clock counting down, until I make my final decision. I feel sick with worry most days.

I honestly do feel like I'm heading for a breakdown. How do I stop caring about what others think?

Any advice? I'm so incredibly stuck.

TIA

Maisie you are deranged. Seriously deranged. You've invented a whole backstory for OP to suit your weird agenda!!!

Maisie dear, you haven't been through the situation the OP's in either. So you might want to heed your own words: "People who have not been through that something should not comment and come across as caring for the other person when they cannot truly relate to them on an emotional level. Simple."

You have never suffered other people's homophobic prejudice. You aren't a parent in a lesbian relationship worried about her daughter. Just because you once tasted an apple, it doesn't mean you know what oranges taste like.

Also, for the record, you really don't come across as caring towards the OP or at all empathetic. You might want to think about that if you genuinely are trying to achieve either of those things.

Maisie I am a mother and LRD has said nothing that I disagree with on this matter.

Any more groups that you wish to express your prejudice against, while you're here? You've already proven yourself to be homophobic, you've already criticised the OP's judgement based on your amateur assessment of her mental health and now you are declaring that LRD is not qualified to speak on this matter because she is childless.

And, for the record, that Please Understand Me 2 book is based on incredibly dubious 'science'.

Deranged does not even begin to cover it!

OMG. I can now see why men fear this new modern society... this is just great. I wish the OP well and I hope she knows what he is getting herself into and why she feels these kind of anxiety within herself. I have nothing more to say.

Looks like OP has left the building. Who would have thought you'd find so much homophobic bullying on Mumsnet. A sad day.

I hope she finds decent support on another thread.

Have not read the whole thread, as I started and my head exploded half way through.

However, wanted to say this to the OP.

Think of what you are teaching your DD if you give up your happy relationship because of other people's bigotry. You are teaching her that she should do the wrong thing, something that will make her miserable, only to conform to idiots' ridiculous ideas about what she should do.

Is that really what you want to teach her? And do you really want to bring her up among those people?

If the answer is no, please move somewhere with fewer idiots a more liberal community and stay in your loving relationship.

And for the ridiculous haters up thread record, I am a heterosexual mother of 2. Just not a bigot.

Won't somebody please think of the poor menz!!!

Thank you Maisie, the circle is complete and we may all now go home.

(this means you, go on, off you go)

Shocking.

This 'new modern society.

What would that be, maisie, one where it's not ok to be a bigot?

Yes. Terrible for men, all these articulate women who can form an reasoned argument.

Never fear though, Maisie. I'm not including you in the articulate women with coherent arguments group. Patriarchy is safe with you around.

This is the nastiest thread I have read on MN. Some people have genuinely lost their own decencies and humanity.

MrsM... That's not very nice... I hope you don't kiss your kids with that potty mouth

Nah Maisie give me 5 minutes and I can link about 10 that are way worse than this one.

Mrs wonderful retort there nice to see your education has paid dividends

Maisie you haven't because I don't think you had any.

OP, it strikes me you might want to wander over to:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/gay_parents

Might have some useful insights for you there.

This is the nastiest thread I have read on MN. Some people have genuinely lost their own decencies and humanity

From a person who has posted her homophobic views.

Yes Maisie. It is really nasty to come on a thread, misread the OP and invent a huge backstory that never happened so as to tell an OP who is looking for support that she's to blame for not being 'normal' (for which read heterosexual and still married to her daughter's family) and that she should stop making awful, selfish choices that 'damage her daughter'. Won't anyone think of the children?

And then to follow that up with completely unfounded statements about how no one else can in any way understand or emphasise with the OP (especially not those who actually are bisexual), that only 'biological parents' can relate to children, and eventually come round to poor old men whose wives won't just stay at home and do what they're told.

I'm sure I've missed several other outrageously offensive and nasty comments you've made out.

Arse - I don't think you should be commenting on my children or on me as a mother as I don't even know you. Nothing further to say to you or add to this thread. Sadly it seems you have nothing better to do but try and slander people such as myself and also poor Maisie. We are all allowed an opinion, you should accept that and realise that not everyone agrees with you.

MrsM - the only people being vile and abusive have been you and Maisie
If you can't see that, you're as barmy as she is
Go and concentrate on being a 'good mum' yeah right

We are all allowed an opinion

Yes, except your opinions mrsm, should they ever become more than that, are proscribed by the force of law.

Maisie - if the OP's currently relationship was with a man, would you still hold the bizarre view that her prevoious relationship with a man was only for the purpose of producing a baby?

Because you don't actually need to be in a long term relationship to get pregnant, you know. OTOH, as you well know, it's possible to be in a long term heterosexual relationship that doesn't result in offspring. There are other things to do, in a relationship, apart from just producing babies, and it doesn't take a genius to work out that the OP and her previous partner probably had more history than just leeping together long enough to get upduffed before moving on. And heterosexual relationships do break down, all the time. All the time. Heterosexual people who have not had a relationship or two break down by the time they are in their 30s or so are probably in a tiny minority. I'm sure bisexual people are the same - it's just that the relationships concerned would be with someone of either sex (not usually both at the same time, because that's a whole different world that you seem to be fixated on, there). Even more radical is that it's possible to be bi but spend the majority of your adult life in a relationship with one person. Being monogamous doesn't prevent someone from finding people of either sex sexually attractive.

And I'm in danger of rambling as much as you are, now, and I've not even opened my wine, yet.