I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

Cheers lisa he was here because he got me when I was feeling very low, said he would come around fix taps, cut the lawns and bring food for BBQ. He did bring food but other things did not happen. Sat there texting this woman he had sold something too, trying to make me jealous. Told he get the fuck out of my house and told him I will be going on a date tonight.

Go you for telling him to get the fuck out!

I think he is working on getting you to look after him. It doesn't sound v loving anyway. Also - trying to make you jealous. WTAF?

I hope he doesn't try and sabotage the date tonight. It may be that he will manufacture a crisis. Be aware and remember - you have the right to go on a date or not go on a date, it is up to you and circumstances should not stop you. Even if you don't go lie and say you did. If he starts drama you are okay saying, 'I'll call ambulance for you, and I'll let people know tomorrow.' then swanning off.

Next time he ambushes you when you are feeling low you have my permission to imagine me as an extremely overweight Lily Savage giving you seven shades at the thought of considering him. Apparently my grandmother grew up on the same street as Paul O'Grady (although @ fifty years earlier) and I can do a very good version of Glorified Gobshite.

Have a blast at the date.

He is going to our mutual friends for dinner, but is worried that is being assessed and recorded, he really is losing it big time. I was stupid to think he actually wanted to help me, I am so struggling with the house, seems he just wanted to me to cook some nice food.

The vibe I'm getting (and could be wrong) is that it is all about him. tbf depression can do that to a person. However that doesn't mean that you need to collude with that - in fact it is healthier for him if you don't.

I am still getting the vibe (and really could be wrong) that his world is falling apart because you aren't begging him to come back and you will do anything/put up with anything just so that he will be happy with you again. You don't have to have him back, and I think it is looking like you can't trust him to be there for you without a pay off for him.

My personal suggestion is that you should forget about x and do unspeakable things with Slim on the date.

Also, it is okay not to take calls from mutual friends until Friday. Just saying.

I am irked about the dinner actually, she is my best friend and Xdp does not like her DH much, think this all set up to piss me off. I suggested he took DS but came back but they have not invited DS, DS sees my friend as a second mum. I actually feel a bit betrayed, or am I being over sensitive?

It's a one-way street as per usual with FW isn't it. He may be hoping you'll be jealous of another female being the gracious hostess. And reneging on doing any practical favours in exchange for decent food, texting some random he'd done a transaction with, where were his manners, oaf.

And while swinging a haddock in his direction, can't say these 'mutual friends' are much cop. Mutual not really apt in the sense they are buzzing round him not you.

If you are finding it easy to chat with cyclist why not just have a convivial night out god knows you deserve it.

donkey am going to dinner with cyclist tonight. Have text friend and asked her not to let on about GP thing, so I am not wrong to be a little irked, they probably think they are helping him, good luck with that then.

His excuse for not doing the chores were that he was tired. texting thing was rediculous, this is a person who has cooked for him and he told me he turned down sex with. Subsequently denied it said he was angry and upset with me and trying to hurt me

I hope he doesn't try and sabotage the date tonight. It may be that he will manufacture a crisis. Be aware

This. It would be the sort of stunt he'd pull.

He said he is happy for me to see other people. Wants us to be friends, ok then

Blossom - I could say that I'm the pope but I wouldn't be any good at mass.

If you are seeing other people then he is not going to be happy as you will not be focusing on him. He can say it, and some people would really try and mean it but it wouldn't necessarily be true.

Seriously, do not answer your phone tonight (and possibly tomorrow) to any calls from your friends. I would bet half a dollar that it would be about some crisis that x is having. Don't let it get in the way of fun with Slim.

And I hope you have an outrageously fun time with Slim.

Mr Slim just texted me from some Mountain in Wales, nutter, I like his sense of humour. Will be nice to get out and spend some time with person who actually seems to like me. I need to get the anger again some how. Have not touched my phone. Had text from friend saying DS is always welcome in her house, what a pathetic excuse of dad. Reminds me the other day FW asked if it was ok to give DS a cigarette ( in front of DS) WTAF

FW asked if it was ok to give DS a cigarette - nice.

So what will you wear tonight something with reflective strips and anatomically shaped padding I daresay?

donkey no idea. If cig were bad enough, he has also allowed him to smoke dope he confessed recently when he stayed @ his house DS does not respect his dad, knows he can get away with murder. I despair really.

Have you got x saved in your phone? Is he saved under 'Complete Arsewipe Cunt Who Gives Drugs To Kids'? If not, may like to change it for when the calls come in.

Keep on keeping on. Wear something that makes you feel stunning tonight. Have a load of fun.

lisa I know I only found out recently. I thought even he would draw the line there. He is just a useless father and a terrible partner, and he looks dreadful @ the moment, bloated, bags under his eyes. Would I pick him on POF def not. Wish I could just erase him from my mind but I just can't seem to do it.

The thing about getting CACWGDTK out of your mind is that it takes practice. You have been used to putting him at the centre of everything for years and that is not going to be an easy habit to break.

My suggestion is that you acknowledge that you do think of him but recognise that he is a CACWGDTK and twang the elastic band and move on. It isn't easy, but the alternative to practising thinking about something else is a lot worse. As things stand if you let him back in I think it will be very bad for both you and your son.

Can you do that thing like the Harry Potter where whenever you catch yourself thinking about him you immediately try and visualise him dressed as Mrs Slocombe from 'Are you being Served?' You need to take the intensity out.

Anyway, forget him, think of the pink rhinocerous, think of Mr Slim being disgracefully inventively wonderful, think of something impossible like England winning the World Cup and enjoy life. It's okay to be happy.

Ha ha lisa good post. Just been attacking the garden, give up getting any help, if you want something doing do it yourself. I will try and implement your strategy. Think I might clear the rest of his stuff and dump @ his work shop over the weekend. Get one of the spare rooms back

Good morning Blossom how are you today?

donkey am ok, date was nice, we went for lovely meal, chatted about everything under the sun, chaste kiss on the cheek. He seems very keen sent me a lovely text when he got home. I am still not sure. Still no news from FW. I would really like some money and know he has sold a couple of items, not sure how to approach this. He has paid me nothing in months

Clearing his stuff out would be a very good idea - it would help you reclaim your house for you and get his stuff out of it so that he doesn't still feel he has some claim.

DS is busy making loom band wrist bands left right and centre - if you would like one to 'ping' so that its not quite so as a plain elastic band, let me know and I'll send you one! I could probably even put in a request for specific colours...

ooh, mistle that would be lovely, pink is my fav colour, how totally girly.

Truth to tell I was wondering about your date. How civilised! But if you still aren't convinced I guess you shouldn't let him think he has a hope.

I'd tell ex what you said about clearing his stuff from your place this weekend, tell him if you do him the favour of clearing AND schlepping it round in exchange he can pay you what he's forgotten to cough up for DS, or words to that effect.

I just don't know about the date, I really like him, honest, kind, looking for a relationship, makes me laugh. Does not drink and take drugs. Can attraction grow?