I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

mistle Date was nice and he seems really keen, he wants to meet again, but as I was saying earlier he is really skinny and I am finding it a turn off, maybe I am being too shallow?

I imagine that its really difficult to change one's preconception of what is 'ideal' - but in my experience (not that that is great) its the person not what they look like that is more important. But perhaps he's not going to be 'the one' in any case - but if he was nice and you had a good evening, I can't see any harm in seeing him again sometime and see how things go - It's not as if you can't say 'no, its not working for me' at a later stage...

No. Really skinny is not attractive for you. Don't date him again if you don't fancy him.

winky consensus seems to be get to know the person and maybe they will grow on you. I think there is no harm to meet again, we got on extremely well considering a first meet

Blossom - it sounds to me as though meeting up people will be good even if some of them turn into friends, not partners. I'm not sure I was attracted to DH physically - but I was his personality.

My friends have urged me to speak XP Dr, so have done so. I am hoping this will lead to a proper diagnosis somehow, instead of feeding him unlimited supply of AD's which he is now taking. Well I have done as much as I can now.

Yes indeed.

Moving quickly on, good luck with the BBQ later, sunny here too, hope to watch the match later. (On my telly not live in Brazil!!).

So hot, can't wait to finish work.

So XP has agreed to let me go to the DR appointment tonight, I think this is a good thing and so do our close friends, I know he is not telling the doc the real truth he is a great actor. His actions are starting to become more bizarre, and he needs help. Things would be so much better if he was well in the head.

You need to make sure that the Dr understands that you can take no responsibility for him... if he needs to be sectioned, he needs to be sectioned and there can be no hiving him off on you.

I think you should make it really clear to x that this is the last time you will speak on his behalf. I'd make some notes about his behaviour, give a bullet point overview to the GP, hand over the notes and make it extremely clear to the GP that you are not a carer for x, that you are doing it at the request of mutual friends and that your only concern with x's health is the impact it has on ds.

The reason I say that is that if the GP has a whiff that you could possibly be the one handing out controlled medicines or policing his behaviour than the outside help for x will dry up faster than spit in the Sahara.

Please, please, please don't let anyone put you in the position of carer for your x as in ten years time you could be wiping his bum because his bad choices have left him unable to do it himself.

Good luck. The sooner you are extricated from this the better - he is destroying himself but that doesn't mean he should destroy you at the same time.

She know we are not living tog, I just want a proper diagnosis this time, I know he will not tell her anything, admit the mood swings, panic atttacks, suicidal thoughts. I have told her all but will be difficult to bring up

I suggest that when you walk in you hand her a sheet of notes full of examples about his behaviour. Just say, this is a brief overview as x is not able to tell the full story at the moment as part of his erratic behaviour.

betcha half a dollar x tries to get you to agree to stuff like monitoring his meds. I tell you, that's the start of the slippery slope to wiping his arse for him. You need to keep repeating, 'I'm sorry I can't help with that, I'm sorry I can't help with that...' You will feel a completely heartless bitch, they will help you feel like a completely heartless bitch to not do this one little thing, but really you need to be on your toes.

I'm speaking after the mess with uncle. Uncle told everyone he was moving in with us. He was moving in to our house. There was no problems, I would look after him.

I have a husband, a son and an elderly father living with me. While I would never see uncle on the street, I did not think a frail, shaky, very overweight amputee was something I could deal with, especially as he is getting more and more confused. btw there is no spare bedroom, the house is a steep stairs back to back and it would be impossible to get uncle in and out of the house - seriously impossible as it is all steps. I showed the health care professionals photos of our house before they would accept (one look and they all agreed it wasn't suitable). The care home he is in is brilliant, but I found myself accompanying uncle to a scan on my own with no idea of his current medication. They just said, 'do you want to come along' and then I was pitched in at the deep end. It was horrific and I staggered away from that.

I can't tell you how guilty I still feel, even though I visit and fuss etc. All the assumptions were that he would just move in. Be careful. You do not want to be the point of contact with health care because they will assume you will be caring for him. I suggest you are clear about his current health and drinking then going home without him

hugs.

Just want to add, I honestly believe that if your x could turn himself around then perhaps things could work out. It's just that while you are there as a safety net he won't turn it around and I suspect that he is gambling everything to get you to look after him.

Good luck.

Well DR was brilliant, she gave him no option but to be sectioned or be under the care of the MH crisis team who will visit him and monitor meds and get him a proper diagnosis. I think he was shocked.Blood pressure results were also horrendous so now taking something for that. Well let's see what happens. I am sick of taking care of him and his needs, I was feeling very low and he did not give a shite.Thought I was acting sad to stop him going to work, what a knob.

Glad that the Dr was good and didn't try to make you take charge of him!

So, onwards and upwards - what are your plans for this week - any evenings out? Are you managing to do some exercise for yourself - walking is definitely good for you and inexpensive.

Have had a good cry this morning and feeling a little better, nothing planned yet. Date from last week has been trying so hard but I think I am wasting time in seeing him again, not sure I could never get over the skinny thing. I am hoping work will go well this week.

Make sure you take yourself out for some fresh air and sunshine though Blossom. Might help with concentrating on work afterwards too.

mistle Will be tackling garden later, always cheers me up. Actually planted Veg over the weekend and did 2 hanging baskets

Sounds lovely!

Even said the other night that if an attactive lady came on to him he would take up the offer

Certainly the end Blossom. My DP stayed in a loveless marriage for a long time whilst his exwife had affairs. He now wishes he had ended it a lot sooner than he eventually did.

Please don't make the same mistake he did.

Twinkle you are right but he is full of shit. Especially now his viagra has been taken away as he is not allowed because of high blood pressure, if someone came on to him he would run a mile. lol He is unwell but no excuse for his nasty behaviour sometimes.

Good for the GP, it is about time ex had a few facts spelled out to him. You have done your bit so do not feel you owe him any more, the mutual friends can do their bit now.

Your gardening endeavours sound like you are getting stuck in.

Well I have decided to go on another date with chap I met last week, he phoned last night and he was lovely, we get on so well, need to see if I can get past the skinnyness, funny he mentioned it himself and said we need to go for dinner as he needs to put weight on. It was a good call as was feeling pretty down, XP had been here for a BBQ, ate his food and fucked off as usual, then spent next couple of hours sending me contradicting texts. I am so sick and tired of it all he is making me ill. On a good note have made some money this week.

Why was he at a BBQ at yours? There is seriously no need. I would explain to anyone hinting it should be there that it is for the sake of his recovery and well being.

He is making you ill You are okay avoiding something that is making you ill. Or even just mildly meh. It's okay not to go near him.

Good luck with date!