I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

I hope yesterday was ok and your were able to enjoy it with your ds, and FW was able to behave himself.

Well weekend ok, festival was fun FW was on good behaviour , though I ended up paying for most of it and now he owes me apparently, though he did leave his bank card in my bag and I know the PIN, very tempting .Popped in to see DM she seems very well considering, a bit dithery and heavy legs but otherwise much better that I was expecting

Until he can act like a friend, I don't think that you should have him round at the house for events where you would normally invite friends - he isn't being one to you and until he can be, you need to treat him as someone that doesn't have your best interests at heart - have a think before you invite him to anything 'would I invite someone that swore at me in the street to this' and if the answer is no, don't invite him. Because that's what he's doing with all the texts etc - that's not what friends do. The man you thought he was is not what he is now - and until he becomes someone that you're willing to have as a friend and acquaintance, the more distance you give yourself the better.

Indeed, if the ranting texts keep on coming, I would consider asking advice from a domestic abuse team at the police.

Very glad to hear your mother's not as bad as you feared.

Well weekend ok, festival was fun FW was on good behaviour , though I ended up paying for most of it and now he owes me apparently, though he did leave his bank card in my bag and I know the PIN, And once you start chasing for the money he owes (although I don't know why you covered his costs) you he will revert to the nasty man he really is.

Clutter the deal was I paid for tickets and he provided spending money, just did not have enough. I will get it back, he is all or nothing type person. Will grab some cash when next deal comes though. I wanted DS to have a good time and he did.

Glad your mum is stable and hope you are able to visit her again soon.

This health issue of your own you mention, hope that is being addressed?

Donkey Yes have DR appointment booked, think I might be a bit depressed as I really don't care about anything right now.

Just wondering how you are getting on Blossom I know it can't be much fun logging on here when I nag at you but expect the others want to hear from you too, please update if possible, stay safe.

Donkey sorry not been here for while, lovely day by beach with DM an sister, celebrating DM 70th. Rest of weekend with FW, was ok, we have agreed to go on camping trip next week but I am having second thoughts.I also bought tickets for following weekend to see live music but again would rather go with someone who really wanted to spend time with. Think I should concentrate on OLD and meet someone I can have normal relationship. I was watching him closely this weekend and I do not think he does most things to be mean just cannot help it Aspergers maybe?

Please don't go camping with him. I would find someone else to go to the concert with you too (or your DS?)

Some of the things that he has done are calculatedly mean on purpose - some of the things he says and does are specifically said in spite. Its only because he's 'getting his way' at the moment that you're not coming off badly on that front.

Take care, and try to be as NC as you can - and get out and meet other people and you might find one of them will do quite nicely.

I agree mistlethrush, He still controlling you, and you are still trying to find excuses for his behaviour. He behave the way he does because it gets him what he wants.

Has he paid you back for the last weekend, I assuming he is on his best behaviour because you are not asking him do anything and you are not OLDing at the moment.

clutter no he has not paid me back, am pretty pissed off. You will be pleased to know that I am very much OLD, struggling to find anyone nice though but that is par for the course.

clutter your message made me text him about money`, is going to give me some cash on Friday apparently.

Blossom, you will find someone better than him I bet.

Thanks Jan I have met loads of men, good that sounds awful, but so far not met anyone I could see being in a relationship with, I always use the measure would I be happy yo introduce this person to my family and friends and so far on 1 person came close, seems he has met someone else closer to home. fair enough. Maybe I have too high expectations

You can never have too high expectations, no way, just keep at it, you will meet someone.

Thanks Jan It is true, you need to have such thick skin for this. At least I am dating again, for a couple of months I gave it hope as was feeling guilty.

Just a suggestion, but when you meet to get the money on Friday, don't meet at your home. Meet somewhere else. In the past he has used this as a way of getting a way in to spend the weekend with you and to eat your food and relax in your home comforts. I suggest that you decide carefully if you want this and if you don't want to spend more time with him (track record isn't good) then be braced against it.

btw how's the dog?

I hope you are feeling okay. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

lisa This is the stupid thing, I like spending time with him, I get so annoyed with myself, as I know in the end he just runs away to his stupid flat and annoys me.
Dog still here and kitty up the duff, on no more mouths to feed.
I am ok got a test on Thursday @ DR but sure it will be ok. Have sadly just got a hungry head on, wtaf, don't want to become a fat git on top of everything else

What happened last time - he had a dicky fit because you were potentially moving on?

As long as you recognise the trade off between enjoying spending time with him and him treating you like dirt and making you unhappy then really it is your call to make.

All you can do is keep on keeping on, I hope it all goes okay at the doctor.

Lisa I know I have to detach, just taking my time, If I am honest I still love him but know it is not enough, he is what he is he will never change. Need a nice distraction, know I have to move on for my complete happiness.

Blossom my mum loved my dad until the day he died, but there came a point after 25 yrs of marriage that she decided enough was enough. Dad lied, cheated most of the time they were together. If he had changed I have no doubt she would have got back together with him. But he wouldn't so she made the choice to not be with him. Yes it's not been easy but I would say she is now happier then she was for long time.

clutter your mum sounds great, wish I more strength of character like her.
On a positive, just been chatting with rather attractive man who happens to live 10 minutes down the road, this never happens. Think very rural West country. Will keep you posted, probably turn out to be a freak lol

No he may actually turn out to be not from the circus lol.

Ha ha, Will let you know, have become very cynical for good reason.