I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

Denying the B&B thing, this is all my fault. The flowers annoyed him or maybe that just an excuse, he knew they were from my friend, just looking for a reason, he did not want to stay so had to create a reason. Was very drunk, still not been caught

The thing is you are aware and see all this Blossom but turning him down seems to be to you

a step too far.

What if anything do you owe him? Really? 15 years' ago you conceived DS with his assistance. Like any couple over the years you had good times, laughs. And rows and tears. And he had secret habits and started sidelining you and gradually drifted away. That is shared history. But you don't have to endure his sulks and tantrums. He is prone to blame anyone but himself. We're none of us perfect but don't let him keep treating you like his problems are all miraculously your burden.

I know donkey and I do not know why. He is trying the nice friendly approach now, calling me his pet name asking if he is needed to have DS to stop over, still not responded. Will turn nasty again soon I expect. Still no apology, oh yes forget he has done nothing wrong. I hope it really annoys him. all the horrible things he has done past few weeks he deserves to feel a little pain.

Show was great last night, good to get out. Had lots of texting from FW offering to have DS, too late we had organised things. I did not reply.

Glad you got out and had a great time at the show last night.

Any time to look up financial advisors in your area yet?

I'm really impressed that you haven't replied, because I know it's hard.

I suggest that if you absolutely have to reply to something then you wait for at least an hour and try and think coldly about it. If you are upset then you can't send the best reply. It is okay to wait for a bit and then say that you will think about it.

But don't reply at all if you can get away from it. btw if fw has ds every time you date he can track when you are going out. He will use it as ammunition.

I'm really glad you had a great time. Here's to more great nights out.

I'm really impressed that you haven't replied I started a post with that same opening line on my phone but lost it.

Blossom in days gone by, ex may have been a lovely man. He changed. When you have previously responded to texts, spent cosy evenings together, the more entitled he becomes.

He will find excuses for himself until the cows come home. He has been depressed, confused, he has issues, life circumstances, the demon drink, inadequacy, blah blah.

You feel sorry for him because he obviously isn't happy. Once you loved him, so from habit you care about him. Because you're a kind decent person.

What about your right to joy, when does he put back what you give him? Fancy stropping because you received flowers fgs. Don't buy into making it all about him.

Contact with him drags you back. Limit it. Look after you.

lisa you are right. I am not going to ask him ever again to have DS, will leave up to them to arrange stuff.

Donkey Thank you a lovely post and so on the money.

I went to friends for dinner last night and got a bit tipsy, found that the woman FW took out last week, ( because he told me) lives in the next road, why come sniffing around here. Apparently she refused to get in the car with him or see him again as he drank for pints of Guinness on their date.I know this is all done to try and wind me up. Sadly I did send a text which I regret but cannot take it back now. I will take lisa's advise and me more measured.

Well had a fabulous date on Saturday night, I hope to see him again. I think because my confidence is knocked having trouble judging if he really likes me. He did send a text thanking me for lovely evening and did not want it to end. But have read so many things on the Dating thread, men seem to say things and not follow up, we shal see.
Ruined the rest of the weekend by spending the day with FW and cooked dinner he is clearly jealous about my date, FW asked me out on Saturday night and I refused, it felt great actually finally to have some control back.

Okay, you said the weekend was ruined because fw came round. Was it because you felt under pressure to somehow take care of him, fuss over him, make him feel better? btw do you think he would have asked you to go out if you hadn't had a date?

WELL DONE YOU DIDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM!!!!!

One step at a time. fw doesn't seem to make you feel better, so you work at ignoring him, dating nice guys.

If you don't want to spend time with him at weekends but are worried about weakening, try posting on here if you get a call/txt. There is no law about replying or deciding straight away. There is usually someone around.

Good luck

Actually day was ok with FW, I suppose I feel annoyed that I allow his to get close and then he just kicks me down. Last night he left and took about 10 minutes to realise he had gone ( thought he was in the loo) One minute he say he does not care who I see and wants me to be happy, next he is ranting about me dating. I am confused.
lisa no I do not think he would have asked me out if I was not going out, he had no idea with who but probably guessed. It felt good to say no though.

'I do not care who you see' = I am telling you that I don't care about you, that I don't need you and that I am a cool person with too much to think of to bother with you, please believe me.

'how dare you date someone else' = I actually don't care about you, but you're supposed to be a sobbing mess without me, how dare you get on with you life and be more successful at dating than me. Besides, why aren't you paying attention to me?

I suspect that time with him is comfortable and familiar but it is coming with a price. I suppose it is a question about how you want to manage it.

That's my guess. So, do you think you will go for another date with this week's candidate?

Thanks lisa
I really hope I will meet mr Lotus ( now known as) he said.he would like to to, has sent me a couple of texts today but I am not getting my hopes up. Have suffered so much rejection and am building a strong shell around me heart.

Update, well Mr Lotus has been in touch, we have date arranged for Friday. He is being very charming and very funny too, does make one feel good. .Have agreed to go to festival with FW and DS on Saturday, he would have taken DS on his own and quite frankly do not trust him, also will be fun.

Date of for tonight, seems Mr Lotus has found a local lady. Never mind, shame he was nice burt obviously it is not meant to be. Had a call from Step Dad seems mum is in hospital might have had a stroke, waiting for news now. FW was here when I got the call, still did not stop him walking out and sending me hateful texts,telling me to go fuck myself, what a charmer.

hugs hugs hugs

re stroke - my father had a massive, massive, massive stroke, good chance he wouldn't make it, really serious, in 1990. He is still going strong, has a very active social life, a love life, and is about to go down and help out the church by clearing weeds. He is in his eighties. A few weeks ago he bought a sickle so he could have more fun in the church grounds cutting weeds. Strokes are awful but people get better.

I will sort of gently hint that letting fw on your property is a bit bad, but hopefully he was handing over money which would explain why he was not nice. Also, if he thinks you are vulnerable then that is the best time to get you. I would also bet that he is not happy that your mum will have so much call on you so you won't be at his beck and call.

Anyway, enough about fw, fingers crossed that your mum will get better and be back on her feet soon, they can do wonders now.

Sending lots of good vibes and hugs.

Thanks Lisa re Mum they kept her in last night, step dad just called and confirmed she had a mini stroke.
Re FW he was here having a BBQ I stupidly invited him, I am an idiot, all he does is reduce me to tears. I need a slap. He was angry because I ignored his texting thought I was out with one of my special" friends"

Sorry about your mum, hopefully she be home soon.

As for FW you really need to stop seeing him/doing things for him. Your son is old enough to make plans to see him by himself if he wants to.

FW has it all at the moment. He gets to drink as much as he likes, do drugs as much as he likes. He gets 'to play happy families with you' when he wants. Then treat you something on the bottom of his shoes the minute he feels like it. And you give him consequences.

Yes you are now ignoring his text, but you will text back later because you going to a festival tomorrow with him and your ds. So his behaviour will be ignored, forgotten.

If it was me I either go to festival with ds or ds goes with him BUT not as a family.

And you give him NO consequences.

Thanks clutter you are right of course, can not trust FW to take DS on his own, lots of reasons. Will be going but we are no longer a family. When ignored his texts calls this week he went mental. Don't really know what his problem is he does not want to be tog said he no longer seem me that way but gets very jealous when I see someone else. He is odd.
Mum coming out of hospital later but needs to have lots of tests.

hugs hugs hugs

Just my view, but just because fw says he doesn't want you doesn't mean he is actually telling the truth. He may even not want you in a romantic way. However I think he doesn't want to risk you not being there for him. He isn't there for you.

I won't lie, when my father was poorly I fell apart, it is so hard. I needed back up and support. I did not need someone like your fw in your life, you are likely not to have the mental resources to spare. I can't stress enough, though, that with the right attitude then people can really recover. I hope your mum pulls through fine, and it is amazing what medical stuff is available these days.

hugs hugs hugs

lisa thanks again, sounds like your DF was a far more serious case than my DM, an warning sign I think.
I did let rip on FW this morning, last thing I needed was horrible texts all because he thought I took Tuesday off to be with a "friend". , it is all about him the self entitled cock ( I did actually call him that ) amongst many other things that can not be repeated, kind o lost it a bit, he has apologised now. I also have a bit of a health scare myself that needs testing, some moral support would have been nice but guess I am barking up the wrong tree.

more hugs

the thing with fw at the moment is that it is all about him - he may be replaced, he may have to do something for his son, he may not have your 100% attention, he needs company so calls you... He wasn't there for you when your shoulder was bad, so I guess that is your answer about how much support he will be now.

big hugs, and whenever he is looming on the horizon you could post here. Another thing, here is a pretty good place of support.

Take care of yourself, stress is never good for your health.

Thanks lisa Just had call apparently not a mini stroke but full on, trying to offer support to Step dad, he is veyr worried, she is very confused.

hugs hugs hugs hugs

Sending positive vibes.

Hope your stepfather is looking after her. Take care of yourself as well, and how is ds dealing with this?