I have never been so unhappy

[Blossomflowers]

Sorry me again, posting about the same old rubbish. Don't know how I have got in such a mess. Just to remind split from X of 20 years, NC for months. We have some how got to the situation where he stays here several nights of the week and every weekend. Our relationship is much improved but there are still big issues with his drinking and odd behaviour sometimes. Will just runaway to his little pad if things get too much for him.

I was OLD but not seeing anyone else atm, I would feel guilty. I am in such a mess moneywise just feel I am going to drown, and just totally adrift, the only thing keeping on the straight and narrow is DS, I just can't see a point in anything, feeling really hopeless, I have to say I have never felt so low in my life and just don't know how to even start getting myself out of this. Don't really know why I am posting but just needed to vent I suppose. Kick up the ass maybe

Okay knowing you like France, an article from 2011 www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/france/8526267/Camping-in-France-Perfect-pitches-on-the-Atlantic-coast.html

Mistle every time I mention dog FW just says he will rehouse her, he got her when she was 8 weeks old now nearly 8, just seem cruel, but she does make hard it for me to plan anything as he has not had injections so cannot go to kennels. So annoying.
donkey Wow amazing.
Had a good letter today ( makes a change) Lloyds bank set some solicitors on my recently and they made some huge mistakes, basically accusing me of not making payments and giving me a huge in correct balance. Have awards me £175 compensation, does not seem a huge amount considering stress incured. Still I suppose better than paying £ 175 .

You might find that a dog walker or pet sitter might consider the dog even though injections are not up to date - ours costs about £20 for full time stay (we provide food) and she's much happier staying in a house than going into kennels. If you want to keep her, I can understand that, but get exP to sign her over to you - then you can make proper plans for her knowing that he'll not decide to take her away when you've just sorted everything out.

To fair mistle I do not want her but feel cruel re homing her. FW has abandoned all responsibility, like everything I will have to organise. I am so sick of it all tbh. I am lumbered with a huge house and garden that I cannot manage, if I sell I will never get another mortgage. I do feel totally trapped and slightly spinning out of control. Think I have been in some kind of shock and now the enormity of the situation is beginning to dawn on me. FW has paid me nothing for nearly 4 months and I have no money this week. Whilst he is out taking Coke and buying watches worth 4,000. I hate him today

I know how keen you've always emphasised you are to keep this home Blossom. Have you approached an independent mortgage advisor? They should track down the best deal for you. Do check before consulting them but I'm sure I read somewhere you won't have pay them for this service as they get a commission if they close the deal.

Not trying to give you false hope but s/he will give you a clear idea of how much you could get in a mortgage, and that may exceed what you expect.

donkey I will give it a try, if I can get myself on track with current mortgage that would help. I would love a fresh start but don't want to go into rented.

So angry with FW, had to text him about money. He is so bloody arrogant, just said make sure DS be ready on Saturday @ 2.00, first I heard about it. OK so suggested DS stay with him, again he went into a rant about me going on a date, how fucking dare he, he does not want to be with me but clearly does not want me to have any life. I just don't get him.

Maybe he can take his dog at the same time. If not call Blue Cross see where you can talk to someone about rehoming it as DP is not interested in keeping it any more. Ridiculous if you are paying for dog food etc and the one left with responsibility for it when you're not even the one wanting a pet .
And did you mention chickens, put an ad up in the post office or newsagent, free to good home, if ex objects tell him to collect or just give them away and say a fox got them.

And breathe!

Tell us something nice about Mr Cyclist {life after ex}.

www.maisonanila.com

Looks amazing. Life coaching offered too.

Thanks donkey he is being so unfair and cruel. I have sent him a calm text, as I really need the £300 he is offering. Asked why me asking for cash need to descend into and argument, and him trying to control me. On one had he said I could go and pick up money on Thursday and next text said he would not be there. Here am I trying you hold it tog, being called dick by DS this morning after giving him clean clothes, packed hi lunch, whilst FW is in bed. grrrrr

Mr Cyclist texts me several times a day, said after out last meeting he wanted to hold me hand but did not want to push things, bless, perhaps I am giving off vibes. Meeting for drinks soon, trouble is we both have to drive. Would be nice to crack open and share a nice bottle of wine and relax.

I really don't have much to say except sending good vibes and hope Mr Cyclist is fun.

Re the dog - I suggest you tell {don't ask} fw that you will start to speak to animal shelters and rehoming charities on Monday, it is up to him if he wants to do anything before then, but after that you will be doing everything you can to get alternative care for the dog. When Monday comes, go for it. I don't know much about rehoming dogs, but if you go on the kennels board on mumsnet they may be able to give you some ideas. Mind you, I've heard it isn't a pink and fluffy place. I mean, not pink and fluffy even compared to the rest of mumsnet. But getting rid of the dog is one less thing for fw to hold over you.

My take on the dynamic is that he doesn't love you or care about you, but his ego is destroyed because you are not begging him to come back/looking after him. His view is that you should love him and if you don't give him evidence of that then he lashes out. Your feelings or needs are entirely irrelevant. He's all about him.

Sorry about weird parantheses. My keyboard is having dippy fits.

being called dick by DS this morning after giving him clean clothes, packed hi lunch

DS called you a 'dick'? What brought that on? Did you say you don't appreciate being called that? Tomorrow he packs his own lunch.

Lisa thanks, as much as the dog irritates me, I could not put her in rescue place, would be cruel.
I think you are right about his ago, hence why is telling our mutual friends that he is finished with me. Err I chucked you out in Dec, then saw you went mental and have been caring for you past few months. He has just sent me a text saying he is finishing things, whaf

donkey he could not find his deo can so of course it my fault. Will think up suitable punishment, like no youth club tonight me thinks.

Replyreally matewe were finished long long ago, l have moved on time you did too.

ohdon I did reply along those lines. He seems to thinks he cannot be with me as I want a relationship, I replied I do but want a relationship with you as I want someone who I can trust and rely on and is a grown up. What a self entitled cock. In the mean time mt Cyclist is giving me blow by blow account of his day and sending silly pictures.,

Blossom - re the dog. If you are finding it a drain and a link to fw that he could hold over you then you need to break that link. My brother fosters dogs for a rescue centre and they work really hard to get the right adopters for a pet.

It really may be worth doing some research on that, because you have so many different weights dragging you down, and if the dog is one of them you need to find a way to lose the weight. As a complete softy I get that you are not keen on a rescue centre - I wouldn't be - but there may be other options. Give fw the deadline regardless and see what happens AND DON'T TEXT BACK UNLESS YOU HAVE TO EXCLAMATION MARK {I'm having keyboard issues}

FW: Your dumped
Blossom:
FW: goes crazy because he only texted to get any reaction at all.

YOU ARE STILL GIVING HIM TOO MUCH HEADSPACE EXCLAMATION MARK

Focus on the Cyclist, he sounds much more fun.

It will get better and ds will not be a teenager for ever. hugs

Re Dog - I have lots of doggy (not dodgy, well most of them at least) contacts and am making some tentative enquiries.

I agree with Lisa about the texts etc - all you need to do is send him one to remind him he owes you money (and you know he's got it because of his obvious spending) and ignore anything that comes back - DS is old enough to make his own arrangements with his father.

Mr slim sounds charming, even if shy and scrawny

Feeding this dog is an extra expense as it is. You shouldn't have to shell out for dogsitters or kennels if you and DS go on holiday.

Your ex must think the rest of the world revolves round him.

Thanks all, will look into that, should be him organising things. He has promised me £300 and more next week. Wants to take DS shopping for a Birthday present for me, so has some heart

No, even that will be pushed in your face and held up as an example of 'how reasonable' and thoughtful he is being - maybe not immediately but at some stage (just warning you so when it happens its not a shock!).

What, in a calculated way to spend Blossom's birthday weekend with her mistle? "I gave up a weekend away... I took DS out shopping for a gift for you. .." Surely not.

You cynical lot

Wot, us?

What is the result of him going with ds to buy you a present? You are supposed to respond to him instead of ignoring, be pathetically grateful, regret not begging him to come back as he is so wonderful and promise to look after him in eternal gratitude. What was last year's birthday like? Is he actually good about birthdays?