Offered a all expense paid trip abroad.... But there is a catch

[Ibizababe]

Met someone through work 9 months ago while they were were the main contractor to carry out refurb at my place of work. Got on great, lots of chemistry, flirting extra!

There contracted finished beginging of this year and he went abroad (Spain) to work on his next contract and he is still there!

We have kept in regular touch through phone text and email and yesterday he has offered me a long weekend (all paid for) to fly out on visit him in 2 weeks time!

Course I would usually jump at the chance, and why not never know what might come of it!

Catch is I found out around the time he was leaving that I was pregnsnt, now I'm 24 weeks, I'm not with father we split just before I found out I was pregnsnt!

I did tell him last night about the baby and he didn't seem to concerned and it looks like offer is still on!

I can't go can I?

This is actually quite interesting. I haven't been able to ascertain whether or not sex is on the menu, but in the basis that it isn't "off the menu" I'm becoming (somewhat unreasonably on the ops behalf) increasingly uncomfortable. I can understand the intellectual arguments of the femenists here, but if I'm really honest with myself, I wouldn't want my daughter to be in this situation/conducting herself in this way. There I said it! (again)

What does "another man's child" have to do with it? Are you saying once pregnant a man has marked you? DO they have to actually impregnate you or can pissing up your leg work just as well?

PMSL

I wouldn't want my daughter to be in this situation/conducting herself in this way

Conducting herself in what way and what situation?

All I can see are two people who like each other going away for 2 nights to have a nice time and see where it may or may not go. It's not Gordie Shore we are taking about- there are some fevered imaginations on this thread. How many millions of people do this every day!

The fact that the op is pregnant is irrelevant so long as she is fit enough to travel.

And, if in the unlikely circumstance there is sex, it is no one's business but hers.

And I don't see an intellectual feminist argument here - I certainly wouldn't class myself as a feminist and in no way am I intellectual! I see a bunch of women saying go and have a good time, take a chance and have some fun. Which is exactly what she should do.

He seems like a nice man - he hasn't said 'Errr.... in that case don't come over then' but instead has acknowledged the pregnancy and said that she still deserves a break. The op has known him for a while and still likes him, so he's not exactly a random.

What's the harm?

OP, go to Spain and have a fab time

The intellectual argument is that a woman should be free to conduct herself in whatever manner she sees fit. Despite that (and I understand it) I'd be bening dishonest with myself if I didn't acknowledge that the situation makes me personally a little uncomfortable.

Why wouldn't you class yourself as a feminist? livingzuid

For the record, I'd probably be a little judgemental of a bloke who had a pregnant partner but was out "dating" other women.

Now, where did I put my copy of the Daily Mail?

Wildbill Where exactly have a bounced from one man to another??? I got pregnant by a partner of 5 years, sadly it wasn't going to work out and we split before I even found out about the pregnancy. Oh and for the recorded contraception failed which is why I landed up pregnant!

So sorry if my life is such a fucking car crash, but please do tell us about about your prefect life because I'm premsuming it must be with a attitude like that?

Malice in wonderland - yoy wouldn't want your daughter contacting herself in what way? A single 33 year old going on a weekend to Spain to spend time with a friend she has known for 10 months and already had a few dates with?

Again not sure how this all turned into sex, we haven't had sex, and there has been no talk to suggest that that is what he expects!

"For the record, I'd probably be a little judgemental of a bloke who had a pregnant partner but was out "dating" other women"

Malice - that's not the case here is it? The OP doesn't have a partner.

OP - I think it's up to you. Personally, I wouldn't want to get involved with someone new at that stage in a pregnancy as I'd know my thoughts, and energy would soon be completely focused on the new baby.

However, if you're feeling well, and fancy spending a nice weekend with someone you clearly like then that's completely your choice.

If you do go, be sure to come back and update us all!

In fairness (to me I did say that I hadn't ascertained that sex was on the menu.

Just read the very last part of your original post. If it was just, as you're now claiming: A single 33 year old going on a weekend to Spain to spend time with a friend she has known for 10 months and already had a few dates with? You wouldn't even need to ask the question.

Be honest with yourself.

Yep again I'm struggling to see how this thread has turned into sex!

Clearly we both enjoy each other's compsny and there was a lot of chemistry between us!

Not claiming I want to start a relationship with this msn right now, but would def been keen on spending more time with him and seeing what happens.

I'm going to go, just waiting for my flight details to arrive bavk from him, I can't see any reason why I shouldn't go? Were both adults and we are both single, plus a chilled out brake in the sun for a few days is just what I need right now, it's going to be the last chance I get before I'm to far sling to fly

Enjoy yourself. But why that initial reservation?

crying with laughter at this thread, a threesome whilst 6 months pregnant! urgh!!

I love AF, makes me chuckle.

Op go! he sounds lovely and the break will do you the world of good!

Andy and WildBill have clearly arrived in a time machine from about 1847.

OP, if you want to go, feel healthy, and are confident that this man is the nice person he appears to have shown himself to be thus far, I can't think of any reason not to. But do you/did you originally have some reservations of your own, hence your post?

The only thing which would concern me in your situation is that - even if he is going to be abroad for months to come - it seems potentially rebound-y to potentially get together with someone so quickly after the end of a longterm relationship...? I know this is a weekend in Spain, not a wedding ceremony, but - especially as late pregnancy and early parenthood are such a complicated time - do you feel recovered from the end of the other relationship?

OP where are you going to be staying while you are away? is it a hotel or does he have lodgings?

malice I am into equality and freedom of choice. Feminism and some of the arguments I see around it I don't relate to. Not that this is what the thread is about - except to say the op is a grown woman perfectly entitled to make up her own mind about what she wants to do with her body, and who to do things with (or not).

I don't think there is anything too much to be read into the op asking about it. I jumped on a train to Brussels to meet now dh after only knowing him online (albeit for years) and it was the best thing I ever did. It's just simple reassurance sometimes and interesting to see others perspectives. There have certainly been some rather bizarre ones on display.

On the pregnancy comments - I was very detached from mine, not really focused on it at all aside from the physical changes to my body and making sure both me and the baby were OK. I didn't think much about it beyond that and travelled regularly to 35 weeks. OP might be the same.

Go to Spain and tell us how it went :)

Is the threesome counting the baby on board, or would that be a foursome?

OP, don't forget your sunscreen. I agree with the advice early on about scouting out contingency plans for health/housing/travel. Take care.

So, the op was in a long-term relationship, met a bloke through work, they went on a few dates (op’s wording not mine, but presumably while she was still in the relationship,and sleeping with, her partner), he left the country and op subsequently split up with her partner (even though she’d already been on dates with this other man) and then found out she was pregnant by her ex, but continued to develop the relationship with the new man but omitting to tell him she was pregnant, and people think this is ok and exciting? Really?

Getting into a new relationship when pregnant is one thing, personally I wouldn’t, but if the pregnant woman is up-front about it from the outset then they are on an honest footing from the beginning. But essentially beginning a potential new relationship while still in a long-term sexual relationship, ending that long-term relationship, continuing the new connection and then not telling the new man you are pregnant (did he know you were with someone when you were going on dates?) is quite another.

Imagine if someone posted:

“I met a lovely man nine months ago, we had instant chemistry and went on a few dates, just going out to lunch, walks etc but we got on really well. Then at the beginning of the year my job changed and I had to go abroad. We’ve kept in touch ever since, and I’ve sent him a message suggesting he come over for the weekend. He’s said he really wants to, see what happens etc, but he’s also told me that his long-term partner who he’s now separated from is 24 weeks pregnant.”

Honestly, how many people shouting to the op to go would be telling the op in the above scenario that it’s fine, and that tey should have a lovely weekend? Or perhaps would people be wondering where the man’s long-term partner was while they were going on dates.... or whether she knew they were going on dates..... or perhaps whether the man had told her that the relationship was over despite the fact they were obviously still having sex.

This has nothing to do with getting together with someone when pregnant.

At worst the op has been emotionally unfaithful to her ex before they split, and has been entirely dishonest with the man she has been unfaithful with. The whole potential relationship is built on lies and deception and dishonesty and to top that off there is an innocent child in the mix....

Positive – I think not.

Yes, go.

Apart from the lovely break before motherhood takes over, you might be making a great friend who will be there for you and DC in the future.

And if not, you,ll at least know sooner than later.

Wow that's a whole lot of projection and assumption you are making there wannabe. One could almost call it a work of fiction given we have no details on what happened with the ex. For all you know he could have been an abusing bastard and the op is enjoying her first freedom in years.

but no-one on this thread would encourage a woman to get into a relationship with a man whose ex was pregnant and had fallen pregnant during the time they were going on dates. no-one.

He might well have been an abusing bastard and she might be well rid of him. but fact is she withheld her pregnancy from this new man until she had to reveal it. She was going on "dates" with this man while still in a relationship with her ex.

People cheat, it happens and the world is not black and white. but that doesn't make things uncomplicated.

I thought the OP said was just going for a short break, wannabe? No one is telling her to get down on one knee here.

Wannabe where in earth did I say I dated this man or anyone whilst still with ex????

I fell pregnsnt in December! Our relationship was in lots of trouble before that and I ended the relationship before I found out I was pg, yes I knew this msn before but that's it just knew him, so it was whilst I was single that we had a few dates, he then left the country for work and we agreed to keep in touch (to date there has been nothing sexual between us) it was then I found out I was 13 week pregnsnt.... This of course came as a huge shock! Like I said in previous post I haven't hid the pregnancy from him on purpose and I have only just begun telling people I'm even pregnsnt!

So please be clear if the facts before you make up a story in your head that has no relavance to this post

Oh and for those that asked no def not a rebound thing I ended relationship and have very happy with my decision ever since

This thread is bonkers. I wonder if those who get pregnant by sperm donor are not allowed to have sex with their husbands either then going by this thread. You know, once you have been marked!

I totally get why OP was asking. If she had asked the same question without the pregnant bit, the reaction would have been very different. I expect she was just asking for reassurance regarding him paying and what he said about it.

OP please go, enjoy yourself and ignore the ridiculously judgey comments. And for what it's worth if you were planning to shag him witless that would be perfectly ok too in my opinion.