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Original poster

Offered a all expense paid trip abroad.... But there is a catch

173 replies

Ibizababe · 03/06/2014 22:30

Met someone through work 9 months ago while they were were the main contractor to carry out refurb at my place of work. Got on great, lots of chemistry, flirting extra!

There contracted finished beginging of this year and he went abroad (Spain) to work on his next contract and he is still there!

We have kept in regular touch through phone text and email and yesterday he has offered me a long weekend (all paid for) to fly out on visit him in 2 weeks time!

Course I would usually jump at the chance, and why not never know what might come of it!

Catch is I found out around the time he was leaving that I was pregnsnt, now I'm 24 weeks, I'm not with father we split just before I found out I was pregnsnt!

I did tell him last night about the baby and he didn't seem to concerned and it looks like offer is still on!

I can't go can I?

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 04/06/2014 17:42

Definitely go. You have been honest with him. Someone I know fell in love with the someone they met in similar circumstances, they got together when she was pg and now they are blissfully happyily married with three more DCS and he is the best husband ever. He (our friend was him not her) just loved her, pg or not. Good luck!

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 17:44

I think the people telling her to be careful or saying "it wouldn't be for me but you go ahead if you want" are perfectly fine to respond in that way

but misogyny should never go unchallenged

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 04/06/2014 17:49

He'd expect a shagfest? Hmm Not everyone expects to be paid out with sex. Not in my world anyway, with the men I know.

Go OP!

mrsmopps · 04/06/2014 17:54

I don't see how people can say he sounds lovely from the little information we have. Hmm

MiniatureRailway · 04/06/2014 17:58

I wouldn't. But then I wouldn't go near a man with a pregnant ex either, I would also expect him to have other priorities for a few months.

hoppingmad · 04/06/2014 18:05

I would have thought, that if he was the type to expect repayment through sex, then he could most likely find plenty of meaningless sex with a woman a bit closer. Seems unlikely that he'd be flying a pregnant woman out for a dirty weekend when there are probably plenty of women closer.

Op has made it clear that it isn't about sex but that doesn't mean there would be anything wrong with them having sex if they both wanted to. I feel like I've bumped my head and woken up in the 1950's

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 04/06/2014 18:32

24 weeks upduff and you're thinking of taking in another cock? Goodness. Its obviously 'normal' with everyone here but it surprised me. Ah, well.

Did you mean to be such a sexist fucking idiot?

Tbh op, at 24 weeks I really don't think I could be arsed trying to start up a relationship with someone who lived in another country and that I didn't really know all that well etc.

Stay at home eat a doughnut

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 18:34

Eat doughnuts in Spain ! They are much nicer than British ones Smile

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 04/06/2014 18:42

I was pregnant at 18 and not with the father. I absolutely, not in any circumstances, considered getting together with anyone during my pregnancy. It just felt totally wrong to me. I had offers and turned them down. I just don't think that getting together with one guy, whilst pregnant with another man's child, is particularly classy.

What does "another man's child" have to do with it? Are you saying once pregnant a man has marked you? DO they have to actually impregnate you or can pissing up your leg work just as well?

I don't know about you, but I was carrying my child. Dh didn't get any part in it besides 3am ice cream runs until after I gave birth.

violetwellies · 04/06/2014 18:47

Oh go, and if there is any chance you might want sex have it. It could be a very long time before you feel like it again.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 04/06/2014 18:51

Honestly OP, I think you may get more "go go" comments because people are responding to and trying to balance the more horrific comments.

But I actually got with my dh in a similar situation to yours, not pregnant but the whole "in another country, not sure what we are going to do friends or not friends or more.. he's only got one bed where am I going to sleep if it turns out he's a knob and I don't want to have sex with him

And obviously it worked out for us but I'd say we had a good 2 years of turmoil due to our circumstances and I don't think I could be fucked to do that while pregnant. If he lived near by I'd be right there with the others saying go for it... but in this case I'd wait till after the baby and if he comes back on his own etc

Thislife · 04/06/2014 19:25

You've only just told him! Let him get his head round it first.

Personally I think it's very risky, pregnant or not. You obviously don't know him very well and you haven't seen him for nine months!

DistanceCall · 04/06/2014 19:31

@Andy Because pregnant women don't have sex, I suppose.

Well, guess what...

AndyYorkeSingsBetterThanThom · 04/06/2014 20:01

There you are, jumping to conclusions. I'm fairly sure pregnant women have sex - I had plenty, but with the father of my child. I'd have found it strange to accept anyone else. But clearly other people are not like me. Fine.

LEMmingaround · 04/06/2014 20:27

Its ok andy you can't help your issues

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 21:00

"Accept"? is that the same as "take on" ?

Some strange turns of phrase you have there

FantasticButtocks · 04/06/2014 21:20

An all expenses paid trip and he expects nothing in return? Why so incredulous Andy? You must have fallen foul of some really unsavoury characters in your life if your attitude is that the very fact of someone inviting you on a lovely weekend means they expect something in return. Ugh. Is that how you operate then? Do you feel you have to pay people 'in kind' if they do something nice for you? How sad.

And you first comment was disgusting and also betrays some quite unsavoury elements to your life.

FantasticButtocks · 04/06/2014 21:26

Sorry OP had to have a word with Andy but should really have responded to you first.

I think he sounds really nice. The invitation still stands. Am sure if he had wanted to change his mind, on hearing about your pregnancy, then he'd have blustered a little bit and said perhaps you might prefer to leave it all things considered etc. But he didn't. He said even more reason for you to have a break then!

If you'd still like to go, then I hope you have a lovely time Thanks

skyeskyeskye · 04/06/2014 21:35

fantastic I agree with both your above posts.

By the way, I invited the bloke to join us last weekend on a luxurious caravan holiday. Obviously I demanded lots of sex from him in payment Grin

independentfriend · 05/06/2014 02:02

I think I'd be concerned at the offer to pay probably a significant sum for you, when you're friends who've been on dates at this point. I don't see anything at all wrong in going, if you feel like going [though agree with others about travel insurance and making sure you can get away/leave if things don't work out]. I wouldn't feel comfortable with the inequality involved in someone else paying for travel at this stage - YMMV.

WildBill · 05/06/2014 07:10

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livingzuid · 05/06/2014 07:22

wildbill are you on drugs? That's the only possible reason I can think of for your completely random post.

OP - your life is a car crash - bouncing from one man to another, careless breeding - sort yourself out. hmm or maybe a troll to make such an offensive statement designed to have people jumping up and down.

AnyFucker · 05/06/2014 07:53

You are a bit of a woman hater aren't you, bill

On one thread you say women on MN hate sex, on another you diminish them for doing it

Make your mind up, you can't even keep your hate soundbites consistent

captainmummy · 05/06/2014 08:17

Andy - you personally didn't want sex while pregnant with anyone other than the father of your child. That's fine, but what if you'd split up from the 'father'? Would you have got thee to a nunnery?

If sex was solely about the procreation, I'd agree there is no point in having sex while up-duffed. But it isn't. It's about enjoyment (for both parties, bill!) and there is absolutely no reason she or he couldn't have enjoyable sex. There is nothing wrong in that, and a lot that is right.

And as for bouncing from one man to another and careless breeding- do we actually know anything about the sperm donor in OPs life? Maybe he's out every night, bouncing from one woman to another?

Careless breeding is a result of 2 people you know.

ReallyFuckingFedUp · 05/06/2014 09:53

lol this IS mumsnet - you have to understand most of the women here have an extremely over developed sense of entitlement and need to be treated like Disney Princesses on a daily basis before even their husbands are allowed minor physical contact (or sex once every 2 years)......of course accepting an all expenses paid trip means the lady in question is such a princess and the gentleman is paying purely because he is so enamoured by her that he simply wants her to grace his presence all weekend. OP - your life is a car crash - bouncing from one man to another, careless breeding - sort yourself out.

In what way is the OP entitled? He offered to pay for her to go and as far as I can see he didn't have her sign any T&C stating she must pay him off in sex? Are you one of those pathetic men who think they are owed sex because they bought a woman dinner? Seriously, fuck of back to your wank sock.