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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Offered a all expense paid trip abroad.... But there is a catch

173 replies

Ibizababe · 03/06/2014 22:30

Met someone through work 9 months ago while they were were the main contractor to carry out refurb at my place of work. Got on great, lots of chemistry, flirting extra!

There contracted finished beginging of this year and he went abroad (Spain) to work on his next contract and he is still there!

We have kept in regular touch through phone text and email and yesterday he has offered me a long weekend (all paid for) to fly out on visit him in 2 weeks time!

Course I would usually jump at the chance, and why not never know what might come of it!

Catch is I found out around the time he was leaving that I was pregnsnt, now I'm 24 weeks, I'm not with father we split just before I found out I was pregnsnt!

I did tell him last night about the baby and he didn't seem to concerned and it looks like offer is still on!

I can't go can I?

OP posts:

FreckledLeopard · 04/06/2014 16:09

I feel a bit odd about the idea. I guess if you want to go for it, then go ahead, but I just find it icky.

I was pregnant at 18 and not with the father. I absolutely, not in any circumstances, considered getting together with anyone during my pregnancy. It just felt totally wrong to me. I had offers and turned them down. I just don't think that getting together with one guy, whilst pregnant with another man's child, is particularly classy.

LEMmingaround · 04/06/2014 16:09

Andy you actually sound jealous! The guy wants to take her away for the weekend. They fancy each other. They get on. They might have shagged already. Maybe he fancies some company on his holiday. The holiday may or may not be the start of ssomethig. It may not. I dont see what the pregnancy has to do with it. He hasnt asked her to marry him ffs. You really sound like you dont like women very much but if you are secure in your misogynistic opinions then you go ahead. Personally I think they ming!

LEMmingaround · 04/06/2014 16:10

Not classy??? P.M.S.L!!!! Really??

livingzuid · 04/06/2014 16:11

What difference does it make if she is pregnant or the child is born before she dates?! Is she supposed to wait till they leave home???

Cardinal · 04/06/2014 16:12

Who cares if it's considered 'classy' or not? Surely you know that classiness is a completely societal, made up concept - and not an actual barometer of how to behave!

Tell me, would a single man with a pregnant ex be this chastised for dating other women? Because the baby is inside the female and not the male isn't a good enough reason to justify this response IMO.

FreckledLeopard · 04/06/2014 16:13

As I said, perhaps it's just me projecting my issues, but it seems wrong. Nothing to do with having sex whilst pregnant. Just to do with having sex with someone other than the father. Not something I'd do.

Cardinal · 04/06/2014 16:14

That's exactly it... Your issues. You can put whatever you want in your fanny, but nobody has the right to judge others for doing differently do you.

LEMmingaround · 04/06/2014 16:21

Freckled you were 18 and the op much older.bi think its very different actually. The op is mature enough to make rational decisions about what she wants to do sexually. That is to assue there will be any taking on of cocks in the first pace. I had my dd at 19 so im not judging. I just know I wasn't mature enough at that time to do anyrhing other than focus on my baby.

bakingaddict · 04/06/2014 16:23

I would err on the side of caution. No problem starting a new relationship with a man while pregnant but as for going on an all expenses paid trip to a foreign country i'd feel a little uncomfortable, out of my comfort zone,not in control and v vulnerable if things went wrong.

Why not suggest for him to come over here, stay in a hotel near you or even with you and take things slowly from there

youbethemummylion · 04/06/2014 16:36

Its Spain for a weekend not Borneo for a month OP has managed to get to her 30s looking after herself im sure she will cope and take appropriate safety precautions.

youbethemummylion · 04/06/2014 16:38

Oh and im sure Borneo is lovely btw

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 16:39

Spain has some of the best healthcare in the world. Even for them minging single pregnant women who take on other cocks.

Original poster

Ibizababe · 04/06/2014 17:12

I'm amazed how this whole thread has turned into me wanting to go to spsin for a "shag fest" sex hadn't come into it at all!

We had a few dates before he went (evening meal, walk down river, and pub lunch) but knee he was going away do left it at that and agreed to keep in touch! He was only meant to be there for 12 weeks but contract has been extended which is why he has asked me to go out, he will also be returning back to the uk for a few days in the summer when we plan to meet again!

I have been hearing from him again all day and his intentions she honest enough, nothing smutty about him at all

OP posts:

OnlyLovers · 04/06/2014 17:17

Go, OP, as long as you feel that he's not a lunatic. Sounds amazing.

AndyYorke, off you fuck.

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 17:18

Good for you, OP ?

I am assuming this is Ibiza ? I love Ibiza. I am off there myself in a few weeks for the gazillionth time. I will be taking on cock, but it should be ok by the judgers as it is attached to the father of my children

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 17:18

Sorry, mistaken question mark in my first sentence there

OnlyLovers · 04/06/2014 17:20

I will be taking on cock

oikopolis · 04/06/2014 17:23

Crying laughing at this thread.

In terms of the OP, I think you should go. Nothing like some sun. And if it does end up being a shagfest, even better. The second trimester is the best time for that sort of thing ;)

captainmummy · 04/06/2014 17:24

Just to do with having sex with someone other than the father. - although, as a PP pointed out, the 'father' is under no such obligations. He can stick it where he likes. (and the 'father' is just a cock, like anyone elses)

so can she.

The total problem is - she's pregnant. That foetus is the sum total of the judgements.

An all expenses paid trip and he expects nothing in return? who knows what he expects. The will be a subject for negotiation when they get together. Her body - if she wants sex, then she can consent to have sex. If not, then he backs off. She is not a thing to be bought. This attitude died out years ago - he buys flowers? That means a snog, at the very least. He buys you dinner? That's sex. Jewelery? A BJ....

AnyFucker · 04/06/2014 17:25

I know

It's like feminism never happened in some tiny minds...

skyeskyeskye · 04/06/2014 17:32

OP, it sounds like a great idea and if he is happy with the pregnancy then that is good too. My BIL met a woman when she was pregnant. He "took her on" and brought up the child as his own and they were happy together for 18 years before divorcing.

Go and have a good time and have sex if you feel like it and its on offer

QuintessentiallyQS · 04/06/2014 17:33

Go and enjoy yourself.

But, as with any new (sexual) relationship, if sex is on the agenda, use a condom.

MaliceInWonderland78 · 04/06/2014 17:34

I think some people are being unduly harsh on those that have expressed doubts.

The OP is free to do as she wishes (If I'm being brutally honest I think I'd personally be uncomfortable with the situation) but you have to acknowledge that she herself has doubts - otherwise she wouldn't be posting.

impatienceisavirtue · 04/06/2014 17:38

He sounds lovely, if you're comfortable with it and he's comfortable with it, go for it.

Ignore the judginess (I really don't think that's a word). You're an adult, you've clearly thought it through. obviously the most important issue here is that you keep us updated on the whole thing

Celestria · 04/06/2014 17:39

OP he sounds lovely and I bet if you go you will have an amazing time soon enough you will be fed up and heavily pregnant. Enjoy a break whilst you can.

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