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Original poster

Best Friend or New Man? Massively complicated situation!

150 replies

MoonshineWashingLine · 01/06/2014 14:54

I am in a bit of a pickle... a while ago I had a "whoops I slept with one of my best friends" thread on here and since then we have slept together a couple more times and it is apparent that we do like each other, which is great. But its complicated. Very complicated as one of our mutual friends is in love with him and he has messed her about a bit over the years in as much as he would sleep with her when he's drunk but not want anything other than to be her friend when sober. They have never kissed in public and never officially been an item. Even though he has told her several times that he doesn't want a relationship with her, they are still good friends and she is clinging on to the hope that one day they will be together.

Anyway, last weekend I flirtatiously asked said male friend if I could stay at his house after a night out we were both going on but he said he needed some alone time as he had just got back from holiday. I took this to mean that he wasn't really that interested in me and it was just sex. So... I ended up meeting a guy while out! We have been on one date, he is not my usual type but seems like a nice bloke. He lives quite far away so for me that's good as he seems rather keen even though we have only met each other twice Confused he texts me every day and is very keen to meet up again. He is also loaded haha :) I don't think we have much in common though. He drives a sports car and I am a massive hippy...

But then it becomes apparent that my friend of 15 years has always wondered what might have happened between us if we had got together and he does have a bit of a thing for me. And I do him. We get on really well, talk for hours and hours, have lots in common plus the sex is fantastic! I feel really comfortable with him and it feels good to be with him.

But I also feel that if we became an item it would break our mutual friends heart and possibly drive a wedge between other people in our friend group...

Its a bit of a mess to say the least! Wwyd?

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 02/06/2014 19:08

i wouldn't touch your man friend with a barge pole. he's playing games. he wants to see if he can stop you seeing this other bloke. he isn't interested in a relationship.

plus your friend's involvement will make it all awkward.

this new bloke sounds nice. keep seeing him.

Dozer · 02/06/2014 19:10

He admits he's "shit with women" (treats people badly?), has strung your friend along and is now blowing hot and cold with you, but that's OK 'cos you'll somehow be the one to make him see the error of his ways. Hmm

Bogeyface · 02/06/2014 19:11

I will cheerfully eat my hat if he doesnt suddenly go cold again within days of you dumping your new man.

He wants what he cant have, when its there on plate he isnt interested. I also think that you are massively naive if you think that you are not the only woman he is playing in this way.

Squeegle · 02/06/2014 19:13

Agree, he's playing you both. I know you think it's different with you than with your friend, but from where I am it sounds the same!

flippinada · 02/06/2014 19:25

One day OP you will look back on this and cringe with shame.

Not only at your own naivety but at the shameful way you talk about a woman who is supposed to be your friend and has done nothing wrong apart from think herself in love with this bloke who you've also slept with.

With "friends" like you two, who needs enemies?

somewhatavoidant · 02/06/2014 19:26

OP trust your instinct. What man turns down a girl he's into cos he needs some time alone after a holiday? Ehh sounds like an excuse to me. Then he realises that you're not gonna play the game cos you've met someone else and now he's interested again? I think he's playing you. Probably no malice in it, he's just not that into you/not ready for a proper relationship etc. Maybe you're not either so play the game if you like but one thing is for sure; you'll lose your friend without a doubt. Is he worth it?

rootypig · 02/06/2014 19:38

we are obviously attracted to each other but whether or not that's a good idea is another thing

yawn.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 02/06/2014 19:59

I suppose you all can't be wrong! Hmmm... I am in two minds about the whole thing to be honest. Plus new man is really lovely. Maybe I will just have to not give in to his offers of sex so easily and concentrate on new fella...

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/06/2014 20:01

Do you NEED a man, OP? The player doesn't want you and you don't want new man. Are you now becoming a player yourself? Why not spend some time finding a man that you DO want to be with; perish the thought - actually being on your own for that time rather than settling.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 02/06/2014 20:02

Also if some people find this thread boring, why are they reading and posting on it?? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 02/06/2014 20:03

Wise words Lying I may end up doing just that!

OP posts:
Dozer · 02/06/2014 20:13

Suspect the yawn relates not to the thread but to this man's use of an old stock phrase.

Itsfab · 02/06/2014 20:19

Seems your words are not the reality of the situation.

You seem massively unaware of the game he is playing with you too.

I would also give this new guy a break and finish things. Being with someone because they have money doesn't make you sound very nice.

Original poster
MoonshineWashingLine · 02/06/2014 20:49

I was joking about the money thing! I am not like that at all, if anything I have shacked up with skint losers my whole life and it would be nice to change that. Money is not a priority in my relationships at all. And I diubt it ever will be. I always end up following my heart and not my head. Maybe in this case I should listen to my head for a change.

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 02/06/2014 21:02

I think you should listen to your head and some of the great advice given on this thread.. This man friend is a little like my 5 month old daughter (except she is very innocent). At any given moment she loves the toy she is playing with but after a while she gets a bit bored and if a new toy is introduced she throws the old toy to the side and gets all excited and wants to play with the new toy BUT inevitably she always gets bored!

Bindibach · 02/06/2014 23:09

You are chasing him. I know you don't think so but you are. Smile How old are you if you don't mind answering that.

pictish · 02/06/2014 23:23

I only have to get the faintest whiff that he's not interested and I'm off with someone else

Sounds good but it's not true. he didn't want you staying at his after a night out because he 'wanted to be alone after his holiday'.
That reeks of not-really-interested to me.

You may think there's more to it, but he thinks of you like that sap you call a mutual friend. At his disposal.

So yeah...stuff that.

Bogeyface · 02/06/2014 23:31

LittlePea uses a good analogy.

You know how toddlers have toys that they get bored with and wont play with for anything? Then you introduce toddler 2 to the scenario who picks up the old toy, at which point toddler 1 goes crazy with "MINE!!!!!". He doesnt want the toy, he just doesnt want anyone else to have it.

Your FWB is toddler 1. As soon as he perceives that the threat to his cosy set up has gone (ie, you have dumped new man) he will go back to not wanting the old toy.

Bogeyface · 02/06/2014 23:33

Oh and as no one else seems to have mentioned it.....do you really think he spent his holiday days wandering around old churches and the days reading a good book alone in his room?

Bogeyface · 02/06/2014 23:33

and the evenings reading a good book, not days!

unrealhousewife · 03/06/2014 00:20

You shouldn't need to concentrate on the other fella as you put it., you should want to. But you know he's not right for you so why waste your time and his? You sound really like you are taking what's on offer and not prioritising your needs, what is good for you.

God I hate all this commitment free sex thing, complete waste of time for most women and really exposing yourself for what? I just hope you're young and haven't got children.

stolemyusername · 03/06/2014 00:37

So you have slept with your friend, whilst knowing that your other friend has genuine feelings for him. You also know that he treats her badly (but that's ok as they have never kissed in public), he has also treated you badly and seems to be using you in the same way.

You met someone else, who turned your head as he is 'loaded' and drives a sports car, not your usual type bet hey, the moneys right, right?

Now your 'friend' is jealous as if you're in a relationship the whole FWB thing disappears......

You and your 'friend' sound like you need to grow up, and 'loaded' man needs to run for the hills while he still can!!

ADishBestEatenCold · 03/06/2014 00:44

"whereas I only have to get the faintest whiff that he's not interested and I'm off with someone else"

You just keep telling yourself that , OP. It won't make it true, but carry on telling yourself.

(and if you end up believing what you're saying, then at least there will be one person on this thread that's swallowing the bull)

Doinmummy · 03/06/2014 00:54

All three of you sound a bit messed up TBH . Boundaries are blurred and no one seems to have much self respect.

You for sleeping with a twat that sleeps with other women he doesn't really like much.

Your girlfriend for throwing herself at a man who's happy to use her and you for sex

Him because he's using women and playing them for a fool

Bogeyface · 03/06/2014 01:04

Boundaries are blurred and no one seems to have much self respect.

I have to admit that I wouldnt be surprised if the OP posted that she and the other girlfriend had a threesome with him, because he managed to convince each of them that it would allow him to let the other one go, or some such shite!