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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OMG OMG Single seven years and I've been asked on a date?!

114 replies

Fontella · 31/05/2014 11:40

Had completely resigned myself to singledom forever and completely, and I mean completely, out of the blue this happens.

I have known this fella - for well over 20 years in a professional capacity. He was sort of a friend for a while in the beginning, in that we would socialise with him a bit when I was with my then partner, a long time ago. Not a close friend as such, but he was in our social group and he was a lovely bloke, really nice and always good company, but sort of on the periphery if you know what I mean.

I moved away for the best part of 15 years and when I moved back here, I reconnected with this chap through my work. He by then, was in a long term live-in relationship (I'm not entirely sure if they were married or not).

Anyway long story short I've had contact with him three, four times a year through doing work for him, since then. Always friendly and smiley, and I was chuffed that he'd found someone and was obviously very happy as he was always single when I knew him socially back in our early 20s.

Not so much as a hint of any kind of attraction or anything like that between him and me. Just a really decent, genuine lovely bloke who I'd have a bit of banter with when we met up, spoke on the phone through work etc. but who didn't really enter my life or thoughts other than that.

A couple of years ago, I had done some work on a project for him and he rang me out of the blue and asked me if I could pop down to his office to pick up the cheque. I told him I wasn't in a rush for payment and he could post it or whatever, and he said no, he wanted to pay me as he was closing down the office and 'going away' for a bit.

He sounded really weird on the phone so I jumped in the car and went down there. He was waiting there outside with my money and to be honest, my first reaction was 'what the hell have I done?' He handed the cheque to me through the window and he looked terrible, absolutely terrible. So I got out and asked him straight up what was wrong - and he just broke down sobbing in front of me.

Turns out his wife was dying and they'd only just found out!!! Absolutely tragic circumstances. She'd had a minor injury that wouldn't heal, further investigations revealed she had inoperable, terminal cancer. (Three weeks later she was dead!)

It was utterly heartbreaking and I just gave him a hug and said a few words, as you do. Didn't know what else to do or say really, I wasn't close enough to intrude if you know what I mean, but I just said 'if there's anything I can do' and the usual platitudes and that was it really, but I did think about it and him a lot after that and wondering how he was getting on.

I didn't hear from him for about a year or so, and then he got in touch one day to ask if I was interested in doing something for him again. Went to see him and it was obvious how much it had affected him, he'd aged, there was a deep sadness about him, inevitably. We had a bit of a chat and he told me he'd thought about selling the business but had decided after much thought, to start it back up again, but he had sold the home he'd shared with his wife/partner and had moved to a new place and was doing his best to get on with his life.

So that was that. I've done bits of work for him since - not seen him in between - that has never been the nature of the relationship - it's only through work that we have any contact. I did some work for him a couple of weeks ago, we had a bit of a chat as usual when we met up, and that's that!

Then this morning the phone goes and it's him!

When I heard his voice I naturally assumed it was work, but after a few umms and ahhs an clearing of his throat, he says "I was wondering if you fancied coming out for dinner with me next Saturday and then a mate of mine is having a party and we could go on there afterwards".

Just like that!?!

Before I had a chance to reply (I was that gobsmacked I couldn't think of anything to say anyway) he said "I'll leave you to think about it but I would love to see you" .. and put the phone down.

Now I'm all over the shop! What the hell? Never in a million years would I have thought this ... wow! Just wow!

OP posts:
ohldoneedtogetagrip · 31/05/2014 11:43

Pick up the bloody phone--now Smile

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2014 11:43

Only reasonable conclusion is that you're a complete babe... :) Are you wavering towards yes or no?

ThePost · 31/05/2014 11:43

Go! Go!! you know that he is a nice, genuine bloke and even if no sparks fly, I bet you'd have a lovely evening.

Snapespeare · 31/05/2014 11:44

Go!!! I hope this turns out amazingly!

FunnyFoot · 31/05/2014 11:46

If you are attracted to him then stopping dallying. Ring him back and say YES!

His story is a sad one but it does sound like he is ready to move on and has thought about asking you out so not an of the cuff thing.

Please let us know how it goes Grin

LoveBeingInTheSun · 31/05/2014 11:48

Do you want to go?

TitusFlavius · 31/05/2014 11:48

Awww! I have a total soft spot for "comrades for years, finally find each other" stories.

If you like him, pick up the phone and go for it! The really nice thing in a situation like this is that it is the very opposite of a blind date. Just try to forget that it's a date and chat like you usually do.

...here I am, writing like I have ANY idea of what to do. I haven't had so much as a hand-hold from a prospective romantic attachment since I threw ex out, eight years ago. So, have all my best wishes, but take any advice I dish out with a pinch of salt!

PedantMarina · 31/05/2014 11:54

WooHOO! What are you going to wear?

ravenmum · 31/05/2014 12:01

Someone who has known you for years and seen different sides of you thinks that you are a great person? Has been thinking about you and takes the risk of asking you out without knowing what your answer will be? I want some of that.

Fontella · 31/05/2014 12:02

Thanks ladies.

I don't know is the honest truth, - I'm still at the WTF stage?

  1. I don't want to eff up a good working relationship and 'friendship' (although as explained it's not really what you'd call a true friendship in that it doesn't exist outside work).
  1. I haven't been on a date for donkey's years - the whole thought of what to wear, what to say etc. scares the shit out of me.
  1. Yes, as a person I like him very much. He is genuinely lovely, kind, gentle fella - when you know someone as long as I've known him, then the one thing I'm certain of is his character.
  1. Yes, he is fanciable (has the most gorgeous Paul Newman eyes which I'd be lying if I said I hadn't noticed on more than one occasion) but I have never really looked at him in that way if you know what I mean.
  1. Yes, we have a lot in common - age, background etc. and also shared interests, which I've discovered through our chats.
  1. WTF?
Confused
OP posts:
ToAvoidConversation · 31/05/2014 12:06

Just do it. If it doesn't work just be honest with him.

BecauseIsaidS0 · 31/05/2014 12:07

Go go go. I once went out for dinner with someone I knew from work. A lovely, decent, intelligent man. We married last summer Grin

KaFayOLay · 31/05/2014 12:11

Have a fab time Smile

FunnyFoot · 31/05/2014 12:13

Font

Have you rang him back yet??

Worry about the what to wear bit after you have agreed to the date.

Grin
pleaseaffixstamps · 31/05/2014 12:14

He's already seen you a million times in work clothes! It doesn't matter what you wear - he will still like you!

Paul Newman eyes. Mmmm-hmmm.

Crazy8 · 31/05/2014 12:19

Please please please calm him now. Then come back here and we can help you figure out what to wear. Smile

bauhausfan · 31/05/2014 12:19

Oh Jesus - just go for it!

Crazy8 · 31/05/2014 12:19

Call not calm

Fontella · 31/05/2014 12:26

Both my (late teen) kids are away for the weekend, so I'm here alone. Had the weekend all planned out (work - self-employed, a few chores, a bit of gardening) now I don't know if I'm on my arse or my elbow! Confused

I've just pegged out a load of washing (lovely day here) made myself a coffee and am going to go and sit in the garden and have a 'think'.

Taking my mobile with me ....

OP posts:
Drunkendonut · 31/05/2014 12:31

He sounds great! If nothing else you are having a nice night out with a bloke you find interesting!
Ring him (or text if you're not brave enough) saying you have no plans and it sounds good. Doesn't have to be anything, can be no strings, just friends enjoying each other's company and if something comes of it then all the better.
What have you got to lose?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2014 12:53

I agree.... don't call it a 'date' because that's a word with more strings than the LSO. Two old pals going out for the evening and seeing what emerges. Could be a deepened friendship, could be more.

Hogwash · 31/05/2014 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mammadiggingdeep · 31/05/2014 13:06

Oh wow....exciting! Ring him back and put is all out of our misery!!!

Granville72 · 31/05/2014 13:53

Ring him and accept. He sounds lovely and clearly likes you enough to ask you out.

Who said romance was dead, you lucky lady.

Hickorydickory12 · 31/05/2014 14:00

Please call him and say yes. He us probably agonising now poor chap.
He sounds fab. Ultimately you have nothing to lose abd everything to gain.