OMG OMG Single seven years and I've been asked on a date?!

[Fontella]

Had completely resigned myself to singledom forever and completely, and I mean completely, out of the blue this happens.

I have known this fella - for well over 20 years in a professional capacity. He was sort of a friend for a while in the beginning, in that we would socialise with him a bit when I was with my then partner, a long time ago. Not a close friend as such, but he was in our social group and he was a lovely bloke, really nice and always good company, but sort of on the periphery if you know what I mean.

I moved away for the best part of 15 years and when I moved back here, I reconnected with this chap through my work. He by then, was in a long term live-in relationship (I'm not entirely sure if they were married or not).

Anyway long story short I've had contact with him three, four times a year through doing work for him, since then. Always friendly and smiley, and I was chuffed that he'd found someone and was obviously very happy as he was always single when I knew him socially back in our early 20s.

Not so much as a hint of any kind of attraction or anything like that between him and me. Just a really decent, genuine lovely bloke who I'd have a bit of banter with when we met up, spoke on the phone through work etc. but who didn't really enter my life or thoughts other than that.

A couple of years ago, I had done some work on a project for him and he rang me out of the blue and asked me if I could pop down to his office to pick up the cheque. I told him I wasn't in a rush for payment and he could post it or whatever, and he said no, he wanted to pay me as he was closing down the office and 'going away' for a bit.

He sounded really weird on the phone so I jumped in the car and went down there. He was waiting there outside with my money and to be honest, my first reaction was 'what the hell have I done?' He handed the cheque to me through the window and he looked terrible, absolutely terrible. So I got out and asked him straight up what was wrong - and he just broke down sobbing in front of me.

Turns out his wife was dying and they'd only just found out!!! Absolutely tragic circumstances. She'd had a minor injury that wouldn't heal, further investigations revealed she had inoperable, terminal cancer. (Three weeks later she was dead!)

It was utterly heartbreaking and I just gave him a hug and said a few words, as you do. Didn't know what else to do or say really, I wasn't close enough to intrude if you know what I mean, but I just said 'if there's anything I can do' and the usual platitudes and that was it really, but I did think about it and him a lot after that and wondering how he was getting on.

I didn't hear from him for about a year or so, and then he got in touch one day to ask if I was interested in doing something for him again. Went to see him and it was obvious how much it had affected him, he'd aged, there was a deep sadness about him, inevitably. We had a bit of a chat and he told me he'd thought about selling the business but had decided after much thought, to start it back up again, but he had sold the home he'd shared with his wife/partner and had moved to a new place and was doing his best to get on with his life.

So that was that. I've done bits of work for him since - not seen him in between - that has never been the nature of the relationship - it's only through work that we have any contact. I did some work for him a couple of weeks ago, we had a bit of a chat as usual when we met up, and that's that!

Then this morning the phone goes and it's him!

When I heard his voice I naturally assumed it was work, but after a few umms and ahhs an clearing of his throat, he says "I was wondering if you fancied coming out for dinner with me next Saturday and then a mate of mine is having a party and we could go on there afterwards".

Just like that!?!

Before I had a chance to reply (I was that gobsmacked I couldn't think of anything to say anyway) he said "I'll leave you to think about it but I would love to see you" .. and put the phone down.

Now I'm all over the shop! What the hell? Never in a million years would I have thought this ... wow! Just wow!

Ring him now! He rang and you cut him off! He could be really nervous so I would text saying what shesasillybitch says which is YES PLEASE then say 'can you call me' or 'can I call you' after yes please.

This all sounds so so lovely

Very of the Paul Newman eyes.

Please put him and us out of his misery.

And say YES!

But then we've got a whole week to wait

Oh I'm smiling at how lovely this is.

No weird online dating crap, just a nice single like... Nice single lady... Both like and know each other.. It's how its should be... Now PHONE HIM!!!!

And then go and rifle through your wardrobe.....

Come on now, Fontella - he really couldn't have behaved better over this, keen to grab your call but still respecting your boundaries; the poor man must be in agony. Real gentlemen like that aren't easy to find and the longer you leave it the more nerve-wracking it will seem

As others said, just send a quick text blaming your phone if you must, but that you'd like to go and you'll call later - that way you avoid the poor guy chewing whatever's left of his nails and give yourself a bit of calming-down time, which is fairer to everyone

He sound amazing and I only wish it was me

Just text him
even if it won't end up like big fairytale you both deserve a good time

It's very difficult to do the first step esspecialy for people with baggage

Please please go. It's a date. You'll either love it or hate but I think you'll love it.

By of fun, get dolled up, lots of flattery :)

You have to go!

At the least it,s a dinner out with someone you get on with and with beautiful blue eyes

At most you could meet more lovely future friends at the party.

Any update, OP? It was about 3.30 when you called him before and he must be beside himself by now. Surely you wouldn't leave it overnight before texting him or whatever??

OMG, where are you OP? Please tell us you called him back!

We need an update! Ooh such a lovely story... I'm not jealous at all... No of course not

I know some of you are probably going to pissed off with me, but I'm not going.

I have had the shittiest day because of this. All over the shop, guts churning, have got bugger all done workwise, mind going back and forth.

I eventually spoke to him and it was an awkward, stilted conversation, more so him, than me. This is a bloke I have very easy banter with normally and it was all umming and ahing and neither of us really knowing what to say. He also mentioned a mutual acquaintance. Turns out another chap I work for from time to time and am more friendy with on a personal level - lets call him Otis, is also really good friends with Marvin. I had absolutely no idea they knew each other until today.

Back story – Otis also knew the fat bastard my ex (and doesn't have a good word to say about him) and knows about all the shit he put me through.

Reading between the lines I have a feeling that Otis might have been doing a bit of matchmaking. Marvin never actually said that, it was more 'oh by the way, I didn't know you also do work for Otis. He's a really good mate of mine' type thing, but my hinky meter was going off during the phone convo, and I'm pretty good when it comes to things like that. If this is some sort of set up then I'm not interested.

I haven't shut the door entirely but left it that I'm doing something next Saturday but maybe another time.

I'm going to try and get hold of Otis in the next couple of days and find out what's been said.

I know you'll all think I'm nuts but I've been on my own a long time and have got used to it. I wouldn't say I'm deliriously happy but I've got a good life with my kids, my work etc. and I enjoy my own company. Most important is the emotional stability I now enjoy compared to some of the turmoil I've been through in the past. I have no desire to get back on any kind of emotional roller coaster and to be honest it's felt like that a bit today.

Not the update I expected OP but I understand your cautiousness.

I suppose the match making thing is off putting but then again where do people meet each other these days. At noisy night clubs, on-line, work or through mutual friends. This sounds like the latter (and a bit of the work one) to me and a perfectly normal way of meeting somebody.

Take your time and only accept a date if your ready. Plus the way you said you feel is what I loved most about dating, the butterflies

Nothing wrong with that, good for you. You were caught on the hop.

fontella I quite understand your caution, it's so much easier when someone we know doesn't know someone we know if that makes sense. All I'd say is, don't close your mind to it, end of - who knows - sometimes the most unlikely things happen and it's meant to be.

Best update because you are listening to your gut feeling, not in a position where you have to have a man and aren't duty bound to date someone because MNters want you too.

Hope you get your work done now.

You know your own feelings best, OP; you could possibly be over-thinking it, but you know that of course

If it's meant to be, he's not going to disappear ...

I just don't like the idea of one bloke putting another bloke up to asking me out if that is what has happened, no matter how well intentioned. I don't know as yet, but as I said earlier the hinky meter was going off, and something definitely isn't quite right here, I can just feel it.

I'm really sorry to put the dampeners on it (all your replies were so lovely and encouraging) and I did get a bit carried away there for a while, but I would have found it hugely difficult to go on a date anyway. I've been on my own such a long time, not had so much as a sniff of a bloke for seven years and can't even begin to imagine being in that situation again, if I'm honest. I thought it was game over manwise. I said as much to another male friend of mine (completely unconnected to the Marvin/Otis scenario and lives in another country), a few weeks back in a phone convo (who also knew the fat bastard my ex, and who has also been through hell himself, because his wife cheated on him with not one, but two blokes) and he said to me 'don't be daft Fontella, you never know what's around the corner'

How right was he? You bloody don't!

However, summat is off here and until I know what, I'm steering clear.

However, summat is off here and until I know what, I'm steering clear

Don't go by me, but isn't it possible that "Otis" just said something about how lovely you are, and "Marvin" - who'd probably thought about it often - felt encouraged enough to finally ask you??

As I said, though, you know yourself (and the two men) best; luckily you left the door just a little open, and if you ever decided to go for it, all it would take is "I'm free this weekend - wonder if you still fancy that dinner you mentioned?"

Sorry for cross post, Hogwash - great minds think alike!!

Hahaha! Yes I am making the names up. I'm a huge soul fan hence the 'Fontella' as in Fontella Bass.

I know I sound 'over cautious' and suspicious and all that, but what's been going through my mind today is that I have to maintain a professional relationship with this man. He gives me a fair bit of work and I don't want that going tits up.

Something else that's been playing on my mind a lot today also, and something I may or may not have written about on here before, but
when I split with FB ex, I stupidly (regret till my dying day type stupid) had a relationship with a very good, longtime male friend.

Stupidest thing I've ever done.

My excuse is I was just a mess, he was there, single, we got pissed up one night, me crying into my wine glass, one thing led to another and after years of purely platonic friendship we ended up in bed. We limped along for a bit after that trying to keep a relationship going, but it was never right and it ended badly. I lost a truly good friend in the process. This is always at the back of my mind.

Not that Marvin is what you'd call a friend, but still he's someone I interract with on a purely platonic level and to switch that to something else - well, like I say, past experience does make me doubly wary.

As you can see, all this has been churned up today and my mind has been whirring away all because I got asked on a date. Normally I'd be pottering around quite happily without all the angst. Sounds boring I know, but quite a nice safe place to be and one I've waded through a lot of (emotional) shit to get to.

Fontella do excuse me if I get it all wrong, but don't let past experiences colour this one. Sometimes something grows out of something very unlikely and I quite understand your reticence. Of course it's safe to stay where you are and I understand that, but maybe don't write it off - that's all I'm sayin' !!

Totally hear you, Fontanella but even if you decided to leave it at that, at least you know that Otis, a mate of yours has vouched for him. Which is a zillion times better than online shizzle which is completely scary and bonkers. So if after a bit of time things happen naturally then you know he really is a good bloke.

I don't think you should overthink it, just go on one date and see where it takes you, you won't be committing to marrying him - just finding out if you can have fun together!

Think of it like a meal in a restaurant - you're not fretting about what's for pudding while you're trying to choose your starter, are you?