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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OMG OMG Single seven years and I've been asked on a date?!

114 replies

Fontella · 31/05/2014 11:40

Had completely resigned myself to singledom forever and completely, and I mean completely, out of the blue this happens.

I have known this fella - for well over 20 years in a professional capacity. He was sort of a friend for a while in the beginning, in that we would socialise with him a bit when I was with my then partner, a long time ago. Not a close friend as such, but he was in our social group and he was a lovely bloke, really nice and always good company, but sort of on the periphery if you know what I mean.

I moved away for the best part of 15 years and when I moved back here, I reconnected with this chap through my work. He by then, was in a long term live-in relationship (I'm not entirely sure if they were married or not).

Anyway long story short I've had contact with him three, four times a year through doing work for him, since then. Always friendly and smiley, and I was chuffed that he'd found someone and was obviously very happy as he was always single when I knew him socially back in our early 20s.

Not so much as a hint of any kind of attraction or anything like that between him and me. Just a really decent, genuine lovely bloke who I'd have a bit of banter with when we met up, spoke on the phone through work etc. but who didn't really enter my life or thoughts other than that.

A couple of years ago, I had done some work on a project for him and he rang me out of the blue and asked me if I could pop down to his office to pick up the cheque. I told him I wasn't in a rush for payment and he could post it or whatever, and he said no, he wanted to pay me as he was closing down the office and 'going away' for a bit.

He sounded really weird on the phone so I jumped in the car and went down there. He was waiting there outside with my money and to be honest, my first reaction was 'what the hell have I done?' He handed the cheque to me through the window and he looked terrible, absolutely terrible. So I got out and asked him straight up what was wrong - and he just broke down sobbing in front of me.

Turns out his wife was dying and they'd only just found out!!! Absolutely tragic circumstances. She'd had a minor injury that wouldn't heal, further investigations revealed she had inoperable, terminal cancer. (Three weeks later she was dead!)

It was utterly heartbreaking and I just gave him a hug and said a few words, as you do. Didn't know what else to do or say really, I wasn't close enough to intrude if you know what I mean, but I just said 'if there's anything I can do' and the usual platitudes and that was it really, but I did think about it and him a lot after that and wondering how he was getting on.

I didn't hear from him for about a year or so, and then he got in touch one day to ask if I was interested in doing something for him again. Went to see him and it was obvious how much it had affected him, he'd aged, there was a deep sadness about him, inevitably. We had a bit of a chat and he told me he'd thought about selling the business but had decided after much thought, to start it back up again, but he had sold the home he'd shared with his wife/partner and had moved to a new place and was doing his best to get on with his life.

So that was that. I've done bits of work for him since - not seen him in between - that has never been the nature of the relationship - it's only through work that we have any contact. I did some work for him a couple of weeks ago, we had a bit of a chat as usual when we met up, and that's that!

Then this morning the phone goes and it's him!

When I heard his voice I naturally assumed it was work, but after a few umms and ahhs an clearing of his throat, he says "I was wondering if you fancied coming out for dinner with me next Saturday and then a mate of mine is having a party and we could go on there afterwards".

Just like that!?!

Before I had a chance to reply (I was that gobsmacked I couldn't think of anything to say anyway) he said "I'll leave you to think about it but I would love to see you" .. and put the phone down.

Now I'm all over the shop! What the hell? Never in a million years would I have thought this ... wow! Just wow!

OP posts:
BoreOfWhabylon · 31/05/2014 14:02

Ring him. Ring him NOW.

KoalaDownUnder · 31/05/2014 14:07

I am dead jealous! Envy

This is how a lot of really solid relationships start; people who've known each other forever and have a little spark, and finally the circumstances are right and someone makes the move.

Grin
Meow75 · 31/05/2014 14:09

Please call or text him. He sounds wonderful, even as a friend.

Don't leave hi hanging too long. I'd say make up your mind before dinner time and call him by then.

shesasillybitch · 31/05/2014 14:12

call NOW sounds fab -- aaand we need to know

Sneezecakesmum · 31/05/2014 14:16

Do it now! Phone!

TroyMcClure · 31/05/2014 14:18

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/05/2014 14:20

D'you know, your post has made my day Grin Let's just look at what you've got here ...

A guy who had a great sadness, but enough strength to rebuild his life
He had the wisdom to wait and recover before asking you out
You know an admire his character
You have lots in common and shared experiences
You're already "work friends" so won't run out of conversation and will be relaxed with each other
He's attractive and you could obviously really fancy him

Frankly it doesn't get much better than this; GO FOR IT but don't forget to let us know how you get on!!!

GarlicMayonnaise · 31/05/2014 14:22

Completely agree it's best not to think of this as a date. Just have a nice dinner catching up with an old friend :) If you want to go on to the party, do - you might meet some more nice people - if you're bored or squirming by the time coffee arrives, just go home.

Have a lovely, relaxed evening Flowers

calzone · 31/05/2014 14:24

He must be freaking out that you have not called him back! Ring him NOOOOOOOW!!!!!!GrinGrinGrin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/05/2014 14:28

Oh, and I just love the way he ended the phone call - not putting you under any pressure but making it very clear he'd love this to happen

He obviously had to really screw up his courage to ask you, but did it anyway. Please, OP, don't leave him on tenterhooks any longer - call him NOW!!!

Hogwash · 31/05/2014 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fontella · 31/05/2014 15:45

Well I just ballsed that right up!!

So I rang him and it went straight to voicemail - immediately like no ring or anything, like it does when you're on another call or the phone is switched off or on divert.

It was so bloody quick, I wasn't expecting it and left this garbled message - 'oh hi Marvin Grin
it's me Fontella, er um er I'll try again later' and hung up.

Two seconds and I mean two seconds later (he couldn't even have listened to the message) I hadn't even put the phone down and it rings in my hand and it's his number flashing up. I nearly jumped six feet in the bloody air, and inadvertently flipped the lid down (older phone) so it cut the call. That was half an hour ago and he hasn't rang back!

I'm a bloody nervous wreck and I haven't even spoken to the bloke.

Going to try and get my head on straight and quell the butterflies (long time since I've had those). Putting the headphones on, a bit of music on the ipod, and go for a walk around the park. I'm not taking the phone, just going to try and settle myself down a bit and then I'll maybe try calling him again.

This song from my namesake is very apt at the minute!

Confused
OP posts:
trappedinsuburbia · 31/05/2014 15:56

Phone NOW!!
Poor guy must think hes destroyed everything by even asking !

BecauseIsaidS0 · 31/05/2014 16:01

Yes, call him NOW! Poor guy has finally rustled up the courage to ask you out and this has to be agony for him!

FiloPasty · 31/05/2014 16:02

Ring him back!!!! Good luck Grin

BecauseIsaidS0 · 31/05/2014 16:02

Call him and say "hey, bloody technology eh? I cut you out by accident but anyway, yes I'd like to meet you for dinner, that sounds lovely". Text it if you have to, but do it and then we can move on to helping you with the clothes Grin

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 31/05/2014 16:08

I hope this park isn't too far away - come back and ring him!

monkeyfacegrace · 31/05/2014 16:08

Oh poor bloke, you realise he will be sat there watching his phone don't you Smile

At least text him to say something like 'so busy can't talk right now but would love dinner. Will call you in a bit when I get a minute'.

Takes pressure off, he gets his answer, you get time to compose yourself.

Betrayedbutsurvived · 31/05/2014 16:13

Gah, phone him back, now, the poor man must be in bits thinking he has messed up.

shesasillybitch · 31/05/2014 16:32

poor man!!! you must do something ! just txt the words- YES PLEASE

akaWisey · 31/05/2014 16:34

I am so Envy but so very excited for you.

Riiiing him NOW!

m0therofdragons · 31/05/2014 16:42

If you're nervous, think how he's feeling. Text him - sorry we keep missing calls, yes please.

Auntimatter · 31/05/2014 16:43

You were ringing to accept his invitation, weren't you?

Itsfab · 31/05/2014 17:21

Go Smile.

I didn't fancy my date when we met and not for a couple of dates tbh. Been married nearly 15 years now Grin.

You must ring him back NOW. Stop being mean to him though I am sure you didn't mean too. He thinks you have cut him off and is being a gentleman and not hassling you by ringing again. Call him.

Itsfab · 31/05/2014 17:22

Missed out the bit where I carried on seeing him as I knew he was a lovely, decent man. And he is. The fancying bit came later.