How can you tell if a man is interested romantically? Confused

[ToniHalliday]

I have/had a male friend at work; we sort-of had a (very) minor flirtation until the last two weeks where things stepped up a bit (I think). I've moved onto another job and since he knew I was leaving, he's been much more attentive.

Long story short: lots of emails, small personal gifts, attention....but we haven't actually met up since I left. (We did agree that we'd go for a drink.) So I'm a bit confused. He contacts me virtually daily, emails into the night/early morning...but no drink invite. Friendly but not really that personal emails, if you see what I mean.

So I just don't know. He's had a relatively recent divorce (less than a year) which was v traumatic so maybe he's taking things slowly? Ah, I dunno. I was getting good vibes (eye contact, affectionate, very friendly) but now I'm thinking I got it wrong.

I know I'm being stupid but he hasn't emailed me in a couple of days and I think maybe he's got cold feet. I know this is silly, I've only been gone from work about 2 weeks. Tell me I'm an idiot. :(

I know I should just ask HIM out (after all, he did suggest a drink (twice) so it's not like he'll say no, will he? Will he?!!! Aaargh!) I am so shy, I hate this stuff.

Unless you're a heroine in a Jane Austen novel, it's actually OK to invite a man out for a drink. If he says no, he says no. #faintheartneverwonfairgeezer

I know. It's just scary. (I totally accept that it's scary for him too and I should just bloody do this.)

I know you're right. It's just hard for me, I dunno.

Ok so you can do this. Send him an email, something along the lines of

'So you remember we said we'd go for a drink sometime? Do you still fancy it? I could meet you after work on Friday if you're not busy..'

You reckon you could do that? I bet he'd get straight back with a yes.

Thanks, good idea. Oh crap, I suppose I should just do it. yikes

Will report back. :)

I have to keep telling myself that he did suggest it, twice....aaaaargh.

Go on, be brave. !!! He obviously likes you.

By the way, I've met a guy online a bit like this although he was holding back because I was the one who'd had marriage trauma. We chatted by text for ages about nothing really. In the end I decided he must like me or he wouldn't keep texting so I suggested we met. He said he actually stopped the car to reply straight back when he saw it

Go for it!

It's hard for everyone :) Few people like sticking their neck out and risking rejection. Would it help if you did something specific rather than just went for the clicheed drink? What did the pair of you e-mail about all that time? If there's a shared interest it can be easier to say 'I've got a spare ticket for the do you want to join me?' than a more traditional date.

You think so? Ah I dunno.....aaaargh.

OK, will do it later. :) Bath and bed now for the little ones but I'll have a go at emailing later on.

Thanks.

Good luck! Let us know how you get on.

Cogito yeah maybe the shared interest would work....will think about it. There is an event coming up that might be suitable, hmmmm. Good idea.

Thanks Roller- great story!

Thanks all, will get some courage up later. :)

Well it sounds to me like he's pretty interested.

God I bloody hope so!! :)

I'd go for it too but be careful, he's not long out of a bad divorce.

Is he actually divorced, definitely, one hundred per cent?

Thinking about it again, maybe he was testing his prowess again whilst you were around and knew you liked him. Now you've left the contact has lessened, if anything he should have stepped it up and asked you out. I'd not go forward on this.

Well, I chickened out in the end.

Something is nagging at me, along the lines that Tinks42 stated. I dunno, should he have made more effort by now? Am I being unfair?

He does have 3 girls, corporate job, and is busy with that (and to be fair I'm busy with my own DCs and job) so I dunno, is this going to go anywhere anyway?

I think I'm just rationalising chickening out, but hey ho. :(

I think you're massively over thinking this.

He may or may not have end of marriage trauma. He may or may not be a player. He may or may not be swamped with work and being a dad. It may or may not go anywhere.

Right now, you don't know. You're speculating and letting MN fuel that speculation.

If you like him, and you think he likes you, send the sodding email. The worst that can happen is that he says no or doesn't reply, and then you know exactly where you stand. If he says yes, it might be the start of a beautiful relationship, it might be a nice stop-gap, it might not be what you're looking for. But you won't know until you try.

I agree with SelectaUser, and I think you should just ask. To avoid embarrassment make it as casual and un-date-like as you can. Maybe mention that you will be in his neighbourhood on a particular day with an hour to kill (if that is plausible); does he have time to fill you in on the gossip from work?

Yes, massively over-thinking; it's what I do best. :)

I know you're both right. Let me think about what to do. I know I need to do it...argh.

OK I'll just send it.

It's pretty easy, really. "Hi X, how are things with you? Hope you're okay and not too swamped. I wondered if you fancied catching up over that drink we keep talking about having sometime soon - you can fill me in on all the work news. Speak soon, love Toni".

He'll either bite your hand off, make an excuse or ignore your email. But at least you'll know the score.

Thank you. That's very helpful and a really good template. I know i should be able to do this, it seems so simple!! :) Thanks.

If he wanted to take the friendship further then he would.

Just because he's male, it doesn't follow that he'd be any happier taking the lead on this than the OP. I remember once playing matchmaker on a holiday with two people who clearly had a lot in common but were too lacking in confidence to take it further.

But he has been taking the lead anyway. Maybe he will go out for a drink with her because he feels obliged now after all that e-mailing.