How can you tell if a man is interested romantically? Confused

[ToniHalliday]

I have/had a male friend at work; we sort-of had a (very) minor flirtation until the last two weeks where things stepped up a bit (I think). I've moved onto another job and since he knew I was leaving, he's been much more attentive.

Long story short: lots of emails, small personal gifts, attention....but we haven't actually met up since I left. (We did agree that we'd go for a drink.) So I'm a bit confused. He contacts me virtually daily, emails into the night/early morning...but no drink invite. Friendly but not really that personal emails, if you see what I mean.

So I just don't know. He's had a relatively recent divorce (less than a year) which was v traumatic so maybe he's taking things slowly? Ah, I dunno. I was getting good vibes (eye contact, affectionate, very friendly) but now I'm thinking I got it wrong.

I know I'm being stupid but he hasn't emailed me in a couple of days and I think maybe he's got cold feet. I know this is silly, I've only been gone from work about 2 weeks. Tell me I'm an idiot. :(

I know I should just ask HIM out (after all, he did suggest a drink (twice) so it's not like he'll say no, will he? Will he?!!! Aaargh!) I am so shy, I hate this stuff.

He asked twice. You didn't say yes. Maybe he thinks you're not interested. I'd just casually email and ask, in the context of a friendly email.

'P.S. Do you fancy going for a drink next week?'

If he doesn't take you up on it, let it go, as you have your answer. If he does (he probably will!) then you can get a better sense of if you are in friend territory or something more.

Just do it! I thought a guy I'd been seeing had lost interest as he didn't text me while I was on holiday for a week. I was wrong. We've been together 12 years and have two kids

Suggesting a drink and actually asking you on a date romantically ate two different things. If he really wanted to see her he would have asked her out. This texting stuff seems to be rife nowadays. It's easy, picking up the phone is harder and much more real.

What's the worst that could happen? He says no, you cringe a bit and say 'no worries' and that's it. You don't work with him any more so you don't even ever have to see him again. It can all gently fizzle out.

On the other hand he could have been doing exactly the same overthinking that you have. He could be sitting there kicking himself for not asking you properly before you left.

Ask him!

Right, will do it.

I do accept that there is a difference between going for a drink casually and having a romantic intention, and I think that's what's making me cautious. But only one way to find out, I guess. :)

Thanks all. This could go either way, I know, but at least I'll know. Will report back. I much appreciate you listening to me fannying about. :D

Great! Good luck!

My point was that there is a big difference between a man texting you all the time and "suggesting" that at a future time the two of you could go for a drink and a man who actually picks up the phone with all that stress it entails and asks you to go out for a drink with him. When he does that his intention is perfectly clear and you don't have to wonder or second guess anything.

Generally when I man is really into you, you will know about it. He will make sure you do.

Generally when a man is really into you, you will know about it
...that's why I sometimes wear a long jumper or cardigan.

email or text the guy, he's already asked you twice. He clearly likes you in some form (friend or romantic) or wouldn't spend all this time contacting you and getting you gifts

Sorry but I wouldn't, call me old fashioned if you will, in my estimation you've now left meaning now's the time to ask you out, he hasn't, he seems to want to just be friends. Men do the asking in most cases, esp if they are interested.

Then again, if you text him then you will know and not be stressing.

but it's not just daily e-mails, he gave OP 'personal gifts' and shown attention/lots of eye contact. OP, definitely e-mail in a friendly tone - it should be very easy if you are emailing daily. You COULD wait for him, but I agree that he suggested drinks twice and is kind of waiting for the response still, but happy to tale it slowly (good sign, he's not just after sex).

Well, it's done now. Now begins the waiting. :)

good luck, OP! can't wait to hear the result

Well done!

Keep us updated!

Just read this and it cheered me up:) hope he writes back positively op:)

Shamelessly marking my place.
Fingers crossed for you on this one.

He hasn't asked her twice to go out properly, he has mentioned the two of them going for a drink sometime maybe. Big difference. They were emailing daily until he stopped for some reason a few days ago. Now the OP is feeling insecure in his feelings towards her and is initiating fresh contact.
Men flirting with you will always give lots of eye contact and attention that's why its called flirting. Lots of men and women do it all the time, doesn't always have to go anywhere. These days people online dating seem to think its appropriate to have great lengthy conversations and contact by texting and emailing continuously but then it doesn't go anywhere.
Sorry but in my opinion when a man is interested he will pick up the phone and call you to arrange a proper date not send endless texts late into the night.

I too wish you good luck OP.

Fingers crossed Toni!

Oooooohhh

Sending good vibes, hope he says yes (think he will)

Rooting for you Toni!!

Thanks. Nothing yet, although I think there is a training event/away day this week. (Can still check emails/texts though obviously).

One thing I have to remind myself of is that its not shameful to find someone attractive. I know it feels like 'OMG if he found out I liked him it would be so embarrassing' but in reality, a respectful, straightforward offer of a date from one single adult to another is FINE.

Think about it, have you ever thought LESS of someone for wanting to go out with you? (provided it was done in aforementioned polite fashion) Or is it actually the single most attractive thing you can find out about someone?

That's a very interesting comment, tigermoll. I am actually finding the whole thing embarrassing and shameful, somehow. Yet of course I have never, ever thought any worse of anyone liking me, even if it was unrequited.

'Not ready to see anyone yet'.

Ah well. Explains the mixed messages I guess. :(

Thanks for the hand-holding, everyone. Feel OK, bit disappointed.

Ah a shame but at least he's being honest. He's obviously still hurt from his previous relationship. Hope you can still stay friends?