Why would anyone combine their money?

[Peonysandblueglass]

Hi Im about to get married, have no DCs.
Dp and I both work, im a full time student so get grants/loans to live on and Im a self employed Nanny so get money for that too.
We both go halves on all of the house hold expenses, we're also both going halves on all wedding costs, if we drive on holiday we go halves on fuel.
I can understand that when i have a baby he will support me because it will be our child.
If we joined our finances as some people seem to, I would feel like I need to justify my luxurious clothing purchases buys to hi
Or i'd be concious of everything I bought.
I like it as we have it as it feels like a power balance.
Is there something I'm missing here? Thanks.

We've been together 20+ years and sharing our money has never been a problem. I work part time and dh works ft. I make sure all the bills get paid and put money aside for holidays etc from the joint account. We draw out spending money as and when it's needed and neither of us take the piss. If one of us want to buy something expensive then we'll discuss it but nothing is begrudged. We've plodded along nicely without any problems.

"Is there something I'm missing here?"

Yes. OH and I have been married for nearly 33 years. We opened a joint account as soon as we married and have always trusted each other. He earns far more than I do. My earnings potential was never going to be as high as his. What's his is mine and what's mine is his. It makes the financial admin side of things much easier and we don't have the faff of his money/her money.

Both of us are boringly sensible about money and have never done anything to abuse the trust that we have in each other - financially or otherwise.

We do have separate savings accounts, pensions and ISAs though.

Never have a joint account. No joint savings account either.

I spoke at length to Martin Lewis on Moneybox about this once and he is also adamant about it.

Be hard-nosed. Agree some other arrangement.

If you DO feel ok with having a joint account then make sure it's a SIGNATORY account - so that one partner can't take out large sums/obtain the overdraft limit, without the express signature of the other.

One in three couples break up. Joint accounts get very, very messy if one has an agenda in such circumstances.

Smokin I would say if you can't trust your life partner enough to share an account you probably shouldn't marry them!

In my 25 year marriage we started with nothing and shared it! By the end we were high earners with large assets and in the divorce we split them 50/50. We still have a joint account to support our DC which surprised the solicitor but we still trust each other financially.

In my new relationship my DP/fiance earns less than me but he really doesn't care about money and spends very little. We have more than enough for our cheapskate modest life together. So we will pool resources because neither of us gets worked up about it and I trust him absolutely. Also I can't be bothered with all that counting who spent what and splitting it!

There is more of a problem for us with how much we can afford to give to our DC as we have 3 each. Mine get more which troubles me but maybe that's life.

Im part-time self-employed. OH works full-time. 50/50 would never work for us. Id be broke. He pays majority of the bills. We dont have joint accounts, wee discuss large purchases together. But for day to day stuff or if I want to buy a dress or shoes etc I don't have to justify anything at all. Not that I would, anyway. Ive a friend like that, her DH is very focused on what she earns. I couldnt stand living like that. Partnerships work best when you're on the same page moneywise, anyway

I used to have separate finances. It was all fine till I gave up work to look after the DC. Joint decision, unfortunately he managed to throw it back in my face time and time again and I wasn't really allowed accy to the 'joint' account. I had to tell him exactly what I spent. Oh and the child tax credit and child benefit went in there until recently. I'm no longer with him and will think very carefully about finances if I ever end up in a relationship again.

*access

All our money has gone in to one joint account since we were aged 19. Its just easier and simple

We're a team, a family. We have family money, there is no 'my money, his money'
We've been maried 21 years. Through me being on maternity with very little pay. No income, Very part time, increasing hours, and now full time and on way more than him; it's never been any different. One money. We pay the bills. We pay the credit cards. We never scrutinise who spends what.

I am constantly amazed by threads on here about separate finances.

This is an amazing thread; married, or soon to be marrieds going halves on petrol for holidays :)

I'm not trolling, but that has to be one of the funniest things I have ever heard - or one of the saddest things I've ever heard. Odd for sure.

With this much trust going on - why marry? Why are you, supposedly, forming a life long partnership. (You do know what 'partnership' means?)

My wife and I have had periods where both are working and earning well, or when one is studying and not earning, or one had several years off work to be with the young 'un, and never once have we had discussions about paying 50/50 for a dinner.

Like I said - amazing.

We have joint accounts as in both names are on them but one bank is "his" account and the other is "mine".

He pays all the household expenses such as mortgage, elec & gas, water, cable and phone. He also pays for the vehicle repair costs (he fixes them so buys the parts).

I pay extras like medical expenses, groceries, car insurance and things like that.

We each pay for our own clothing, fuel etc.

It works great for us. I can ask him for money or vice versa but it's rarely needed. I did warn him recently that I might need to ask for a couple of hundred at the end of the month for car insurance (we just added 2 more vehicles so have 5 insured now) so he just said to let him know.

I didn't have a job when we first got married (immigrant and all that) and I hated having a "joint" pot. I always felt like I was spending "family" money or "his" money and had to ask. He didn't make me feel like that, he told me not to worry about it, but I just don't like co-mingled funds like that. I pay my share of the bills and what's left is mine to do with what I want. But it's available to my husband, and vice versa, if needed/wanted.

I feel like I should add, we don't go "halves" in gas for holidays etc. We wouldn't keep count like that. We might switch each fill up. Or one would do gas, the other dinner. It will end in pain if you keep count, or feel like you need to keep count to make sure it's exactly 50/50

Why wouldn't you pool your finances if you're committing to a lifelong partnership? Assuming that's what you're intending with marriage and children anyway.

Pre DC we had separate accounts. We paid our respective mortgages, I bought all the food in my house / ran my car / paid my bills & he did likewise.

Once we were engaged he sold his house, proceeds went into paying off some of his debt (parting gift from his previous gf) and he moved into mine. I paid mortgage, bills & food, he paid off his debt.

After marriage, kids and now debt free - one joint account. I earn our family income and he manages it. Two joint credit cards, one of which all our spending goes on & is paid off in full every month. He makes sure all bills are paid, we discuss big (>$200) purchases but otherwise neither has to justify spending on anything to the other. It's much simpler, much easier and much less headachey hassle.

Talk about this. Now. Before you get married. Talk about how it will work if you have a child and one of you is a SAHP for a while. Talk about how it will work if one of you loses your job. Talk about how one of you being the one that is flexible for any children and career takes a back seat is not going to be massively disadvantaged financially.

We've been married 10 years, we brought roughly equal equity into our first house and at the time earned similar salaries. We've both had short periods of unemployment, I've had 2, soon to be 3, children and 3 periods of mat leave and only returned to work part time. I now earn significantly less than DH and my career is stagnant whereas his is flying.
All our money goes into one pot, joint account pays the mortgage, bills and all necessary purchases, we have seperate fun money, ISAs and pensions. Has worked for us.

If this is a life partnership it needs to work financially for all that life can throw at you.

DH and I have all joint accounts. We've been together over 20 years, no children of our own. We discuss any major purchases. I'm the major wage earner and manage the finances but there's no sense of it being predominantly "my" money or him having to ask permission. I couldn't be doing with working out percentages of who should pay what; it's "our" money. This works for us.

Meant to add, neither of us have any credit cards and the only loan is a tiny one of my DH's where the payment is about £30 a month, so it's not as though one of us is frantically trying to save while the other is merrily running up massive debt.

We didn't combine our incomes on marriage because we earned about similar. So it makes no difference either way. As marriage partners you are supposed to be equal. If one of you earn a lot and the other a lot less, you will end up with the husband buying a new BMW every 3 years, while the wife scrimp to buy from primark. And god forbids if they plan for a nice holiday overseas, she will have to feel grateful he paid.

As equals you don't ask him if you want to buy nice clothes. We joined finances when I became pregnant with DD. I would have only maternity pay to live on. So I suggested our income goes into a joint account and all expenses paid from them. DH has no problem with that at all.

For spending money. We agree what our savings goals are and all remaining sums at the end of the month in the joint account is split 50/50 back to our own accounts. Our toys are bought from this personal amount. We don't ask each other what we buy. I love cookbooks, clothes etc. he buys gadgets.

I actually earn slightly more than him now bit I don't begrudge him taking my hard earned cash. It doesn't work that way.

People are saying 'if you don't trust someone enough for a joint account, why marry them?'. I would cite the pragmatic proverb Trust in God, but keep your powder dry in response. :) i.e. Even the most faithful, lovely, honest, reliable person can be stupid where cash is concerned and, if all the family money is in one place, it is financially risky.

And it's a fact that many relationships end badly and conflicting attitudes to money count for a sizeable proportion of arguments. In a society where there nothing we are shy of talking to a partner about, it's amazing how many still feel uncomfortable asking about earnings or see it as intrusive. They spend longer picking out place-settings for the wedding than they do on finances. If 'SAHP' was a job in the traditional sense, would anyone sign up for it with no contract, no rights, no protection, relying solely on the goodwill of the person providing the money?

So whatever approach people take, it's vital it's agreed up front and regularly reviewed so that it is fair, open & risks are reduced

cogito but joint finances doesn't mean he can run off with a lot for many. It's a months wages in the current account, plus whatever is saved for holidays etc. we also have joint credit cards but because I use it for cashbacks. But you could just go with debit cards. I can't see how that's dangerous.

As it is ofc I'm in charge of the finance and have the only passwords to his ISAs. He's hopeless with money. So maybe I'm taking the rosey view.

We've been married for 3 years. We have a joint ac but that was mostly for the purposes of mortgage payments. Our salaries go into our own ac then we transfer by dd enough £ to cover mortgage monthly bills food and "sundries". We both have separate savings ac, separate credit cards etc.

For us this works. I don't have to feel I have to justify (as a friend does who has complete financial togetherness with her dh) why I bought new shoes or a dress etc. as long as I'm able to pay mortgage I do what I want with the rest.

It's not a rosy view OneLittleToddleTerror, but you have come to an agreement between yourselves on a shared attitude and approach. You've discussed it, he is 'hopeless with money' and is happy to let you manage the day to day..... that's an agreed solution so no problem at all for the present.

Many others never give it that much thought, make assumptions, row everything together for traditional reasons without talking or without having witnessed their new partner's true attitude to money.

We have a joint account for bills and our own accounts for everything else. We each pay a portion of our salary in to the account. When I was a sahm dh paid for everything including my spending money which went into my own account . Basically it works for is and we tweek it over the years to what we earn. When out we go halves on meals etc. Petrol comes out of the joint account. My mum finds our set up odd she thinks it should all be in one account. I would not like that as I don't want to justify every expense and also Dh JAG rubbish with money and would spend more than his share of the joint money. This way he only has so much in his account .

I actually think is is a very polarised issue. There are very clearly going to be two groups, those who combine finances usually in their first/only marriage or co-habiting relationship however long that has been and those who will not combine under any circumstances usually those who have experienced or witnessed financially difficult relationship breakdown.

I would liken it to the breastfeeding v formula feeding debates, each side acknowledge the pluses and minuses of each position but neither will change until circumstance forces them to.

When we first were together and got married I was very much against combining our money.

Even when I had my first dc I was adamant about paying my 'half'. I saved up loads of money for maternity leave as I'm self employed. However I soon got into difficulties. It was ridiculous. Dh suggested we have a joint account and everything just be 'our' money.

I felt really relieved.

These days, 'his' money pays all our bills and 'my' pays for all our extras and savings. I love it. We've never had an issue with spending. For massive things we discuss, but that's part of a marriage isnt it?