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Original poster

Why would anyone combine their money?

160 replies

Peonysandblueglass · 18/05/2014 19:11

Hi Im about to get married, have no DCs.
Dp and I both work, im a full time student so get grants/loans to live on and Im a self employed Nanny so get money for that too.
We both go halves on all of the house hold expenses, we're also both going halves on all wedding costs, if we drive on holiday we go halves on fuel.
I can understand that when i have a baby he will support me because it will be our child.
If we joined our finances as some people seem to, I would feel like I need to justify my luxurious clothing purchases buys to hi
Or i'd be concious of everything I bought.
I like it as we have it as it feels like a power balance.
Is there something I'm missing here? Thanks.

OP posts:
Minime85 · 18/05/2014 19:43

ex and I only joined finances when had dcs as I went part time then. before then shared bills etc but I earned a lot more so paid more for hols etc

RiaOverTheRainbow · 18/05/2014 19:44

Is he happy to have more spending money than you?

sandgrown · 18/05/2014 19:45

In our case I am major earner and I have the child benefit and buy all things for DS. I also buy all the Xmas and birthday presents from us and pay for the holidays. If I left it up to DP we would never go anywhere because he thinks we cannot afford it! DP was unemployed for over a year so I paid almost everything. Now he is working again I think we might have a joint account for bills only to which we both contribute but as he earns less we would have to work out the shares. I would hate to have to ask before spending anything !

MinesAPintOfTea · 18/05/2014 19:46

Also if he earns multiples of what you do and the two of you want to move do you limit yourselves to a house where you can pay half of the mortgage alone? Or do you change the balance so that the spending limit isn't tied to what the lower earner can comfortably afford?

Original poster
Peonysandblueglass · 18/05/2014 19:46

I don't know about that, but I don't want his money I want my own money that I earn. Is that normal?!

OP posts:
MagnaCharge · 18/05/2014 19:46

We combine our money because we are married and have joint expenses. I have never had to justify my spending to DH if there is money in the account .
I can't understand people who don't, I don't understand the mine and yours mentality. My parents have joint finances as do PIL neither of our families have any divorces l. This probably plays a part in our decision to share.

DramaAlpaca · 18/05/2014 19:47

When we first got married & before DC we had a joint account into which both salaries were paid and which covered all bills, but we transferred money each month into our own individual accounts for spending on whatever we wanted. It worked because both of us were happy to pool our finances, but neither of us ever needed to justify our spending. We have our own savings accounts too, but a joint credit card.

When I became a SAHM after having DC we changed the way we managed our finances. We still have the joint account but we increased the standing order into my account to cover groceries and all stuff for the DC and for me. The child benefit goes into my account as well. Any extras come out of the joint account, and the credit card is paid out of the joint account.

We kept up this arrangement even after I went back to work full time, and it works well for us.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 18/05/2014 19:48

I earn twice what my DH earns but he won't let me pay more on the mortgage or bills. So I pay for our holidays and other luxuries. Do whatever works for you

Original poster
Peonysandblueglass · 18/05/2014 19:51

I think as well because we bott have our own credit cards/ loans, I don't want him to be burdened my debt or me to be burdened by his.
I like the idea of working my way out of debt but he's just happy to continuosly make monthly payments so we differ there.
Hmm I hope my attitude isn't heading me for a fall.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 18/05/2014 19:54

I like the idea of working my way out of debt but he's just happy to continuously make monthly payments so we differ there.

That doesn't bode well.

MagnaCharge · 18/05/2014 19:56

We have been together since we were very young, neither of us brought debt to the relationship. I can see that you wouldn't want to burden your partner with debt they had no say in taking out.

MinesAPintOfTea · 18/05/2014 20:05

But won't you feel burdened by his debt when you've cleared yours, he's not cleared his on a higher income and its affecting your ability to get a mortgage? Married or life partners your limits in many things are dependent on your partner even if you keep your accounts separate.

Have you discussed how you will jointly handle attitudes to spending/saving?

ChazzerChaser · 18/05/2014 20:06

Once you have children or own houses together you are financially linked. If one of you runs up huge debts, or spends lots of money on booze/gambling/cars whatever it impacts you all as a family.

We pool money to pay for bills etc, then share what's left. I earn lots more than my husband. He's earlier in his career. But that was a decision we took together to improve our overall lifestyle. There a whole package of things we bring to the family, skills, money, time etc. We share it all. Why would I get to have more money if he earns less by virtue of being able to bring more time? Should I then pay him for his time when he's doing house stuff rather than earning money? All this stuff is linked.

Personally I would think very seriously about having children with someone who had very different attitudes to the management of debt. It's fine if it doesn't impact on you, but it's unavoidable when you have children.

NerdyBird · 18/05/2014 20:08

I prefer to keep finances separate at the moment. I pay DP a proportion of the bills (we live in his house) according to my income and that he has two children that live with with us. It works for us. I'll be on maternity leave soon and although I should have enough to maintain financial independence for that, going back to work might be hard. I really dislike the idea of having no independent means and being fully supported by someone else, I would much prefer to contribute if I could. If we were both earning I could probably cope with a joint account as long as we each had a separate one for personal spending. DP is more of a spender than me and would probably spend more if we had joint personal spending. He has debts, and although he's paying them off and is better with money now he did recently admit he shouldn't be trusted with a credit card again!

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2014 20:08

Because over the course of our time together we've always earned roughly the same and we feel the money we have (or don't) is jointly earned. Eg I help DH get jobs, he does the same. When I gave birth to our children, my income dropped. When he moved to another city for my work, he was out of work for a while. In none of these situations is it fair for the higher earner to have more money. We don't want to feel we 'owe' each other anything. Everythign we have is family stuff.

Viviennemary · 18/05/2014 20:13

Everyone must make their own arrangements for their finances. But we've always had a joint account and neither of us spends on a large purchase without mentioning it to the other. But some of the financial abuse that SAHM's put up with is dreadful. Or when people work part time and still are expected to pay half the household bills. A fair system is needed.

kinkymouse · 18/05/2014 20:16

My DH earns more than me, I work part time self employed, we also run a small business together. We have been married 15 years and have two DCs. The logistics in having seperate finances gives be the heeby jeebies and we have always had a joint account. However, it's what works got you both that's important.

When it becomes an issue is when one person in the relationship feels unfairness.

TeenAndTween · 18/05/2014 20:18

As you are about to get married, have you actually had the discussion as to what will happen with finances when/if you have children?

Better to have the discussion now that when your DC is a year old and you've spent all your savings still paying half.....

Featherbag · 18/05/2014 20:18

I don't understand why we wouldn't combine our income! We share our lives, we were together 10 years before getting married and have built our little family of 4 together since. To me, a part of being a married couple and a family is becoming a single unit as far as things like money go.

ClashCityRocker · 18/05/2014 20:19

We're on similar income, and have completely separate finances. I pay a set amount of money each month and he pays the bills. We're not very rigid about paying 50/50 on everything - I tend to pay more for holidays, he tends to pay for the household things and it pretty much evens out.

Married with no DCs though - I can imagine wanting combined finances to some extent, if we did have DCs.

RudyMentary · 18/05/2014 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lavenderbongo · 18/05/2014 20:29

I think it comes down to what to you think a partnership or marriage involves. I believe that in a true partnership or marriage you agree to go through life together sharing everything wnd facing all the adventures/trials/tribulations that it entails together.
So therefore it doesn't matter who earns what you are working together to make your life work.
DH and I have a joint account. We both work (me part time) but he earn way more than I do. I however do the bulk of the childcare and housework. I have no worries about spending our money on whatever I like ( within reason:)) but we always discuss big purchases.
This is just what I consider normal. I have never understood the worries about sharing bank accounts.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 18/05/2014 20:31

We combine money precisely because I would otherwise have to ask for money. He works FT, I am a SAHM with a very part time job. We have similar attitudes towards money, so it works. All money is family money. I can see how it could be difficult if one of us were a spender and one a saver, but we discuss large purchases and each have a small amount of personal spending money each month, about £25 which we can spend or save up for something bigger for ourselves.

MorrisZapp · 18/05/2014 20:34

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. Of course where one partner earns lots more than the other, or one partner is part time or at home with kids or whatever, finances need to reflect that disparity.

But when you and your partner earn roughly the same, why have a joint account? I earn my money, it's mine. I can spend it entirely as I like. DP feels exactly the same.

For me, joint accounts are like engagement rings and changing your surname. I get that many people are very keen on them, but I must be missing the gene or something.

wallypops · 18/05/2014 20:36

We had a joint account for all bills, including childcare but not food. We then decided what each would contribute to that. I had the greater revenue so if it needed topping up I did that. My house, so I paid the mortgage.

He had a gambling problem, spent more than he earned every month by a considerable amount, but it wasn't my problem so one of the few things we didn't fight about. He took out endless loans and is generally financially irresponsible.

Come divorce, my house still belonged to me, and it was financially simple. Not saying it will end there, but I would say that finding ways to avoid arguments happening might not be a bad thing.