Why would anyone combine their money?

[Peonysandblueglass]

Hi Im about to get married, have no DCs.
Dp and I both work, im a full time student so get grants/loans to live on and Im a self employed Nanny so get money for that too.
We both go halves on all of the house hold expenses, we're also both going halves on all wedding costs, if we drive on holiday we go halves on fuel.
I can understand that when i have a baby he will support me because it will be our child.
If we joined our finances as some people seem to, I would feel like I need to justify my luxurious clothing purchases buys to hi
Or i'd be concious of everything I bought.
I like it as we have it as it feels like a power balance.
Is there something I'm missing here? Thanks.

If it works for you then that's fine but we have always had a joint account , I work very pt ( always have ) and I manage all the finances . In theory I'm always spending the money DH earns but I've never in any sense felt that I needed to justify anything or be conscious of how much I spend on myself . I think if that's how I felt I would question whether I was with the 'right' man.

I don't really understand the practicalities of having no joint account. Do you have to give each other half the money for bills? What about food and joint household stuff and petrol and car insurance? It's sounds like it would be a pita with dcs when you have clubs and dinners and clothes to pay for.

DP and I have individual accounts to, for our individual spends. I don't understand people who only have a joint account but I think they are pretty useful.

Oh its just so much simpler, surely? Who seriously can be arsed with dividing the supermarket shop down the middle?

Married nearly 15 years and never had a joint account. I pay for all the food, my car, everything for DC and obviously my own direct debits and spending.

DH pays all the household bills and for his car and spending. He's also paying the majority of a huge holiday this year.

Works for us. If we go out sometimes he'll pay and sometimes I'll pay.

Perhaps the key point is that we do discuss savings and any big expenditure.

I would actually find it very, very strange to now have a joint account after all this time.

Cant speak for anyone else but for us it's because it is SO easy. Not a deep or complicated reason, really simple... cant be arsed with the faff of seperating it all. Chuck it all in and jobs done.
everything that comes in is ours.
there are bills to be paid and so they get paid.
then what's left, we save a bit and spend a bit.
if its a big purchase we agree it, if its a little personal thing we just get it.

I am lazy and could not be arsed with percentages and you pay this and I'll pay that and lend me x for a week and you have that and I'll have this.
same as its not my kettle and his toaster and my fridge and his washer.
the beauty of being shacked up is you dont have to give a crap about all that. You just share it.

We are all different. I've known people who've found it very very difficult to have no money 'of their own' when they were on maternity leave or had become a SAHM. I found that an utterly alien concept as when I was in that position his money had simply become our money. We'd made the decision jointly that I would be a SAHM so the money side of things just followed. I didn't have to ask for money nor did I have to ask approval before buying things for myself (and neither did he).

However, it's not difficult to see how difficult it can be if a couple split up and one person makes off with all the money, or if one person has a gambling/spending habit and the other one doesn't. Keeping things separate might be safer for the more vulnerable partner in those circumstances.

It's very easy. We take turns, roughly, buying stuff for DS. We shop separately and take an equal responsibility for buying all the household stuff. We don't divide it exactly. Days out etc we just share the expense as we go, taking turns to pay for things.

My DP pays all the bills, makes a note of it, and I give him half the money at the end of the month.

The OP has no kids. I don't see the point of SAHMs coming on and saying well it works for us, that's a different scenario altogether, as the OP pointed out.

Well DH and I have separate current accounts. We also have a joint account into which we pay an amount for mortgage and bills. DH earns substantially more than I do (I'm pt) so he pays more in. The idea is that we end up with about the same amount of disposable income and it seems to work out about right.

Morris I am concerned because I keep reading threads on here about couples who start off paying half, and when they have a child, the SAHM is still expected to pay half .... better to discuss it up front, and I'm not sure the OP has done so.

We have seperate accounts

We just split bills. I pay everything (dh moved in with me) and at the end of the week w figure out what I've paid for cm, food, bills, clothes for DS and dh gives me half in cash. I pay all the mortgage but we are buying a new house soon. Dh owns a house and it he pays the equivalent I do even though its tenanted so it works out fair,

Also I got my full pay for ML or I don't know what would have happened

If you're moving in together you have to, for reasons of sheer practicality, combine your finances in some manner or other. Doesn't mean you have to have all your money in joint accounts - in fact I would urge everyone to maintain a personal account of some kind whatever their relationship or employment status - but you have to have some kind of way of managing things so that it's fair, above board and accountable.

Well I just pay a monthly amount into his account which covers half of the bills/rent then we split food in half We half talked about him supporting me when we have dc's and he's more than happy to do so.

I agree with WorkingBling.

When I married I didn't want shared finances as DH was not great with money. I'd had joint everything with my ex but just didn't want it with DH.

Twenty odd years later, he earns 3 times more than me, inherited a substantial amount off a relative and I have a CC debt of 2.5k. He knows I struggle (I buy all the food) but has never offered to help towards the CC bill, even though he has 10k in his current a/c ( I snooped and discovered this).

Let's say you earn 20k per year and your spouse earns 100k per year. Would your spouse be dining at Michelin starred restaurants and you eating tins if beans? Would he have a Ferrari and you have a push bike? You see where I'm going wit this? When you get together you become a couple and do things together. I'd therefore have thought that you'd both have a similar standard of living regardless of who earns what.

I can't imagine how seperate incomes can work. It may work whilst you both have a similar income but if one of you earns substantially more then I don't see how that could work.

Just my opinion though.

A reasonably famous lawyer who has represented some household names during their divorces told me years ago to never have a sole joint account. He was very emphatic about it and I've never forgotten it.

My DH earns double the amount I earn so he pays the mortgage and household bills and I pay the childcare and food. We don't have a joint account and we never will. It works perfectly for us.

Peonies, when you have children, if you have to give up work to go on maternity leave or even sahm for a while, your dp won't be "supporting" you. That is a really unhealthy way to look at it.

You will be a family with less earning power and the smaller amount of money will have to go round to look after all of you. But it isn't "his" money any longer. You will be a unit, with joint responsibilities as parents. This includes joint financial responsibility whether one of you is able to earn money or not.

Yes I know its unhealthy, thats why im getting your help to unpick the crux of the matter.
Dp said yesterday that very thing: 'just because you're not earning money for what youre doing doesn't make it any less valued and all money coming in will be for all if our welfare' he is a good and fair man.
I think its just the transition from moving in just as his girlfriend to being engaged, it's made me think about this.

We have no DCs but my DP is currently not earning (he's starting his own business while renovating our house) so my salary is supporting us both.
What I have found the fairest is to subtract all bills from our income and then divide the rest equally into "personal money" (that goes inot separate accounts) so we can spend what we like without consulting the other. Joint savings go into a savings account which needs both our signatures to be accessed. Personal savings come from our personal accounts.

That works for us, but different things work for different people, obviously. But one thing my mother always drummed into me is to protect yourself financially in case things do go tits up in your relationship.

For us it's very simple. We c

I think I'm imagining it as it was when I was a student. You pay the gas bill and ask everyone for their share and it takes them a fortnight, by which time you've stopped eating. Probably easier as an adult when aren't on the bones of your arse.

... Combine everything because I earn nothing. What DH brings in is our money, for our family.

I haven't really worked post dc, about 22 years now and have never had to ask for money.
I trust dh and he trusts me to manage the finances.
I don't have to justify any spend except to myself, he doesn't really care about money at all.
Anything we need I take care of buying anything expensive we want we discuss before I buy.
I don't understand couples keeping it separate, to me its part of marriage.
Its what's right for you not what others do that is important.