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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 75

999 replies

DeliberatelyDreaming · 15/05/2014 13:54

For everyone OLD or even RL dating. Tell us your stories, share your woe's and get and give support.

OP posts:
gigglygirlygirl · 04/06/2014 21:21

Maybe men think differently - it just baffles me that he has no doubts about me at all and hasn't since the first date. I am such a worrier by nature.

Rummikub · 04/06/2014 21:41

Uncomplicated?

BeforeAndAfter · 04/06/2014 22:11

So my Match experience thus far:

A few winks received. Why wink? If a man can’t find the gumption to write to me I just know we will not be compatible.

A few messages like “you look lovely” (one from someone 17 years my junior - hmm, I wonder what he was after?)

A couple of “hi, how are you” messages - that lack of effort does not merit a response.

Messages from men who include body parts in their profile under “her best feature / my best feature”. Irrespective of what my legs/boobs/hair happen to be like they can and will change according to where I am in my life. I shall not be defined by a body part.

I’ve messaged two blokes. One replied saying no thanks another has not yet read the message - can I even tell if he’s still alive/still a member?

Finally, a glimmer of short-lived success: an e-mail ‘conversation’ with a chap. It was clear he was googling the stuff I was referring to in my e-mail so he could reply and didn’t really understand half of what I was saying even though he claimed to have a Masters in the subject (my area of professional expertise so that was unfortunate for him). I was bored within 20 mins so he got the old, 'sorry we're not going to be compatible' line.

Interweaved with all that I have been sending e-mail warfare to the ex because it makes me feel good and I very much hope that my words will make him feel shit. I left him so why oh why oh why does the fact that he’s already back with his ex hurt so much? Because that news was the only reason I signed on to Match in the first place so for the ex's sake I hope I find a bloke I exchange an entertaining message with soon.

Bigbird01 · 04/06/2014 22:17

neil I listened. I went off line and left it with him...

We are meeting for coffee this weekend Grin.

Consider yourself back on the 'good advice' list!! Smile

Pinklaydee1302 · 04/06/2014 22:31

He does give good advice that Neiljames Smile

jesy · 05/06/2014 06:35

It's been a week since I saw him and miss him so much
He still texts and is being so supportive and kind .
I woke up in night and the dog was snoring but I thought it was him , he joked about his snoring but I liked it odd I know.
I'm going away tomorrow I'd planned to ask him along for weekend but not to be now.

It just me and my dog and a book x
Sorry feeling a bit low today
Lots to do at work but it a shorter day

Pinklaydee1302 · 05/06/2014 07:59

I know how you feel jesy in going through same but I've found cutting off all contact much easier to get on with things. Each day gets easier Smile

jesy · 05/06/2014 11:16

Pink
I know tjat the best idea but if I did that I'd be totally alone x

Pinklaydee1302 · 05/06/2014 11:27

Don't u feel like dating again, might boost your confidence and take your mind off him a bit....it's working for me. This is first day I've got up not thinking about him and I have a coffee date this afternoon so I'm feeling quite happy

jesy · 05/06/2014 14:57

Not ontrested In anyone I have looked but nope.
I worry if I do date I'll make a mistake

Maisie0 · 05/06/2014 15:09

Take a break Jesy. Nurture your spiritual tree. Smile Which you were trying to do before you encountered that situation with the friend and the partner, remember ? Why not do something which you love and enjoy? Continue that for a bit.

I've also kind of resided to the fact that OLD is not my forte. Lol. I re-read the ones I responded to, and I didn't get many responses back either. I do not know whether my messages were too impersonal. The idea bothered me a lot. Then there were some responses from people that I did not like the look of, and I tried to be nice to turn them down, and they got a bit more erm... keen ? It really is so weird. I've decided to take a break, cos I feel like it is messing with my mind.

I've turned down more outings from ex-colleagues and kicked away the idea of drinking, and is staying at home more and listening to music, and joining the odd walks. I feel so energised doing this. Can you do something similar ? I'm trying to stay grounded. Even though it is very hard to do so..

jesy · 05/06/2014 15:39

I lost intrest in most stuff tbh I go to work n come home n do nothing but that been like it for ages x
I hurt my knee weeks ago so long walks are no longer possible.
It was funny today tjat I was gutted I was let hone early from work so that means I won't see him on wAy home

louby44 · 05/06/2014 18:21

I've messaged loads of guys over the past week...one guy said hello, asked me out for a coffee, I agreed and he disappeared!!! What is the point.

Another guy messaged me (he's 53 & I'm 45) I want someone closer to my own age and 49/50 is my top age.

It's just rubbish! I'm a decent person, good job, attractive, interesting!! My friends all tell me how lovely I am! What do men want? A bimbo?

I just think the women out there must be absolutely stunning and mega intelligent because I can't compete and am getting zero interest!

My only issue is my height - I'm 5'10" so I limited straightaway!

I've decided I'm not gonna stress about it, I'm not going to look online all the time and I'm going to get on with my life!

But the thought of the next 30-40 years on my own is bloody miserable!

BeforeAndAfter · 05/06/2014 19:09

I've just broken my OLD virginity (or at least one of the OLD hymen...). I've had my first fish photo. So that's a no then.

neiljames77 · 05/06/2014 19:27

What's a fish photo? Is it as simple as it sounds and it's someone holding a fish up or am I being naive?

BeforeAndAfter · 05/06/2014 19:35

Yep - a huge cod, or haddock, or similar held up in all it's non-glory... Definitely a penis substitute thing going on there. The OLD fish photo is famous on this thread.

neiljames77 · 05/06/2014 19:41

It must be to give the impression that they're a hunter gatherer or something and they need to show off their catch.
Maybe that's where I went wrong. I'll see if I've still got that photo of the giant giraffe I won at the fair.

louby44 · 05/06/2014 19:58

The fish photo thing is just plain weird! Some of them are even kissing their fishes!

Pinklaydee1302 · 05/06/2014 20:24

Haha that's funny Neiljames but yes true n don't they just love it when they get messaged from a bimbo who will coo 'my what a big one you have' Grin

Pinklaydee1302 · 05/06/2014 20:27

Louby don't despair I just had a coffee date with a guy whose 6'4!! He made me look like a dwarf n I'm 5'7 Grin

It went well, I had to take along my 17 month old DS but tall guy seemed to take it in his stride.

Minime85 · 05/06/2014 20:29

On louby I'm feeling exactly like that today about OLD so disheartened. You've just summed up perfectly how I feel about it all Hmm

And what is it with the bloody fish!
And holding guns and that's not a euphuism! or naked torsos or completely naked which is just down right wrong! But gives u a good laugh at least Smile

Rummikub · 05/06/2014 20:29

Photos with Fish, cars, pets and young women. No thanks!
My absolute favourite one was of a guy with a flaming guitar. Yes a guitar aflame! I felt compelled to reply to his message and asked why that photo. He claimed its the only one he's got!

steelchic · 05/06/2014 20:30

Well I've just been dumped, gutted.
We went for dinner last night, he came back to mine and had an amazing time. I felt so close to him and I felt he felt so close to me...how wrong could I be !
So get the call tonight. Someone he met and was close to when they were both students years ago he's not been a student for 30 years, has got in touch. He has always felt that she was his soul mate but they were with other people so they never got together. Now she is single and he wants to get into a relationship with her as he feels if he doesn't he will always wonder what could have been. He said he wanted to be honest with me and has been trying to pluck up the courage to tell me for the past couple of weeks.
I said to him "so I was just a stop gap till you met someone better and that it was just sex to him" He assured me that it wasn't just sex blah blah. He was in tears on phone said he will always be my friend and will always be there if I need him for anything.
I'm gutted I was really starting to fall for him but I knew it wasn't going anywhere and I felt he was holding back. I really like him as a person and I do want him as a friend.
Thing is I didn't fancy him to start with physically he's not my type but his personality and sense of humour did it for me.
He is a lovely guy and I appreciate that he didn't want to string me along and has been honest. What I don't understand is, why didn't he just slow down the text messages, he would initiate text messages not just me, he did the asking for our meet ups.
the worst thing is the thought of going back to OD

Minime85 · 05/06/2014 20:46

Oh steel I so sorry. Hope u are ok x

Pinklaydee1302 · 05/06/2014 20:48

Oh no sorry Steelchic Hmm what absolute bad timing for you.

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