Being DRY

[Bigglesfliesundone]

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

Come and have a coffee!

Hi Haggis Yeah I blog like a used to drink, every day and to excess! If you look in the right hand side bar there is 'my journey' with the months listed. Just start on October 2013 and click through from there. Although if you're on an ipad the side bar appears at the bottom of the page I think. Don't think you can flip it so scrolling down it is. PAWS is tough but forewarned is forearmed as they say xx

I'm abstaining from alcohol for the moment. Hope its ok if I join this thread? It's been a few weeks now. I feel better for it. I'm not sure if I'll go to AA or not but I'd like to post here to be in the company of others who aren't drinking, more sober company would be very welcome as I used to think I had to drink to make myself lively/interesting and it's hard feeling interesting without it if I'm honest but know that's my insecurity/lack of confidence so I really want to get past that. I admire people that don't drink - Russell Brand isn't boring, neither is Anthony Hopkins or Robbie Williams so I want to see if I can do it too.

Oh mab, and boots. It's hard to read your posts. I felt exactly the same a few months ago. And for most of my DS's life really. All I can say is stick with sobriety; do whatever it takes not to drink, because life gets so much better as you grow stronger and leave alcohol behind you. In my experience it got better quite quickly. I have a lot more patience and tolerance towards my DC, thank god, as at times I was a total bitch.

Post post post like mad; it helps so much.

I must go to bed, sorry, but I'll check in tomorrow after work.

Hi Haggis, yes that's me. Welcome!

Biggles, DH didn't say that I had to take posts down. When I read back over some of them, there was a lot of things I winced to think he would read - mostly the stuff where I disclose all the hiding I was doing, because he still doesn't know about that. So I've taken those down, for now, on my own initiative.

Queenmab, I'm sorry it's been so hard this week. Your children are the same age as mine; DD1 is 5 and DD2 is 2.5, and your description of DD1 is identical to mine! Mine fell off her chair in a food court the other day, and I snapped at her before I checked that she was alright, because she ALWAYS does that and it drives me bonkers.

Things are much easier now, though. Snapping aside. This has been the major revelation in sobriety for me. I am so much easier in my own skin, and so much easier around the kids. I don't necessarily shout less or say no less often or anything, but...I just love them so much more. Yesterday, and this is going to sound so sappy that you'll probably stop reading in disgust, I deliberately extended their bedtime routine so I could spend more time with each of them in turn. Because I wasn't in a hurry to get to the wine, and because I love them. Mind blowing.

Ah - sorry tortoise, I got confused!

Lovely to see new faces.

Tell me, who is 'Belle'? I'm thinking 'Belle De Jour' the scientist who doubled as a prostitute....no, I thought not. Can anyone link.

I am the one doing weightwatchers and giving up booze and it is grim but I have relaxed a bit since the weekend. It's well nigh impossible, I'd say. I have had alcohol issues and food issues for years and for an addictive personality to cut out all pleasure is grim, and also goes against the HALT guidelines. I have ordered the book 'Eating Drinking, Overthinking'.
Lucy I'd love to read your blog too.

CornChips Sorry to hear life has been crazy.

Mab Are you feeling better today? Are you talking to DP?
Offto Tescoes, I want some of that drink someone recommended 'San Bitter?? Found in Carluccio's, bet I won't find it in Tesco!

mistress & tortoise - that sounds fantastic, that sobriety makes parenting easier. I think you've conveyed that we won't turn into Mary Poppins overnight but it's got to be easier without all the emotions that drinking generates, right?

Lucy - thanks for the extra info re your blog. I'd read quite a few posts last week I realised. So I am working through the rest - thank you so much.

At the moment I am just wondering about the wisdom of keeping social engagements. And also whether I should get the beer and wine out of the house. I don't really drink spirits or ever crave them so I think they'd be fine to remain. Did anyone keep them- along with their partner still drinking? Hmmmm.

I hope everyone has a good day today. Especially those getting back on track & thos starting out.

Hi Ending!!

Belle (I know - made me think of Belle du Jour too!) is a woman about 2 yrs sober who has this blog and runs a group called 100 Day challenge. I think once you make it to 100 you can sign up for Team 180, Team 365 etc. people like Tortoise and Lucy (and I am sure plenty more on this thread) who have actually done it can give you better info than I. I have signed up for her 5 day Sober Jumpstart which is some audio files sent each day and a chat on Saturday. For me it's just a way of getting extra support as at the mo I am not ready for AA. I first heard of her in Tortoise's blog last Tuesday ....

tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com/2013/03/14/100-day-challenge/

Morning everyone. Still here, still reading and drawing strength from you all. Just struggling at the moment. I lapsed last night- just before bed too, which is usually fine for me as I have gotten past the trigger times.

Just feeling a little quiet, but am really enjoying everyone's contributions.

Thanks for all the positive words everyone.

Chips - chin up and keep it simple today. Thinking of you xxx

Day 2 here, which is always a million times better than day 1.

Even though I had AF days I feel like the drinking last weekend was part of the lapse that really started two weeks earlier. I stopped drinking for days at a time within that but my head was never in the right place, the place it gets to at 2 or 3 weeks sober.

For those concerned about weight gain / wanting to lose weight: for me, low carbing goes really well with being AF. I totally get why many of you will just say "one thing at a time" and not worry about weight, and that's great. But if you do want to lose weight and WW doesn't work for you, well it doesn't work for lots of people for lots of reasons explained very well on the low carbing threads. I think low carbing and going AF are a good combination because

• low carbing attacks sugar cravings head on. If your wine craving is part sugar craving, it gets to the heart of this instead of moving the craving to biscuits (which is tough in the first few days but not after that - after that much easier)

• low carbing can be expensive, but you will be saving money on booze and can buy nutritious expensive foods like good fish and meat as a statement about taking care of yourself

• low carbing at least at first means going totally AF. If you want to, you can use this as an excuse for not drinking socially

• low carbing shows very fast results in getting slimmer fast, which is motivational, and can form part of a positive feedback loop with the other beneficial effects of being AF

• I believe, for me at least, it is a way of eating that is genuinely good for me, so it ties in with the whole message of self care that I try to send myself

I am not trying to sell anyone anything, honestly! I am just agreeing that WW goes with hunger, boredom and slow results for many people and low-carbing is a potential alternative - IF YOU WANT TO. don't even consider worrying about it if not

Anyway I have chucked myself back on the low carb wagon having fallen off over the past months and gained a lot. I always try to eat "good" carbs, "in moderation" but it never works for me... oh look there are similarities here with something...

Have a good day all

ok, here goes. I seem to fit a certain demographic, professional, 40's woman. By anyone's eyes (who doesn't really know me) I have a very successful, happy life with a loving husband and healthy kids. Trouble is I have a big problem with drink. I drink on average a half bottle of vodka a day (usually start around 3pm). I am sick a lot, have diaorreah daily and feel so depressed I often don't want to get out of bed. I made a big effort and stayed AF yesterday which is huge for me. I am scared of posting here as I try often to stop drinking and fail every
time. It's the one thing I just can't manage to achieve in my life. I am so bloated I look pregnant and I know it's the alcohol. Looking for a wee hand hold I think to stay sober today. : )

Mab - that makes sense about low carbing and not drinking. Especially if you associate them in your mind.

cornchips - I hope today is better for you too.

I have just googled this San Bitter Endless mentioned. Hadn't come across it before. They don't stock it at Ocado, Carluccios is a way away from me. Will see if some other Italian deli type places near me stock it. Just did an online order with lots of nice Fever Tree ginger ale and some good cranberry juice. Belle mentions V8 juice but I wonder if I might associate that with Bloody Mary's. Having said that I don't drink spirits I've just remembered that I did sometimes have those

Sonlyme - here's a hand! Welcome (I say that as a complete newbie who is on Day 3). I'm probably posting too much because I'm trying really hard to get through.

Please post and join what seems to be a very welcoming thread.

Ps: I am probably very like you in terms of demographic save that my poison was wine not vodka. But that bits irrelevant isn't it.

Here's a hand to hold, sonlyme. You sound so down. There are many others here who you will identify with and they with you, I'm sure. I certainly do...professional, happy life, loving husband, healthy children. So what is it? What is this 'dirty little secret'. You'd be surprised how many people share the same secret.

You may fine it helpful to look back on previous threads and/or get some hints on books to help motivate in the beginning.

Muminboots made a list of why she wanted to be sober and it was very comprehensive.

Have you support in RL?

Why not post a little bit more about yourself?

I am only 2 2 weeks in myself, others have lapsed but you are among people who will support and be kind to you.

Here is another hand. sonlyme

I am the same demographic too. Professional. High achiever. Bit of a perfectionist. Expect a very great deal of myself as mother,wife, friend, daughter, employee. I am betting that sounds familiar to everyone on this thread.

Thanks everyone for support.

I like what mab says about keeping it simple.

Hello to everyone, and thanks for the welcome. I really miss the person I was when I was 100 days sober and I want her back!

mab your posts made me want to laugh and cry - your mother sounds so similar to mine! There's a reason I live in a different country to her.

I think low carbing could help with crazy blood sugar fluctuations definitely. But a lot of people I've read suggest that at first you need to eat more sugar, as a substitute for the sugar in booze. I guess everyone needs to find out what works best for them and their bodies. Eating enough protein and not going crazy with caffeine is important for me.

One of the triggers for stopping drinking again for me was the total screaming fit I had at my kids a week or so ago, trying to get them both out of the house and ready for an important appointment. I just don't have any patience at all when I've been drinking the night before. It was horrible. I could see myself as if I was watching someone else and it was shocking :( .

thank you all so much for the hands! Feeling a bit nervous as having a birthday tea for my mum tonight (why this has to include a bottle of red and half a dozen double voddies I don't know). The crazy thing is that my mum doesn't drink and my hubby rarely drinks (certainly never on a 'school night'). Just me and my piss head dad then (NO NOT ME!!!!)

Well done on day 3 Haggis! That's amazing. You can be my inspiration as a fellow newbie!
Yeah, it's funny Cornchips, I always have this unreasonable but solid belief that everyone has it all held together and it's just me hiding in a corner with my wee 'dirty secret'

Trying to use as motivation that I invited my daughter and partner over for the dinner and forgot as I was so pissed when I asked her (at 6.30pm)

Off for ANOTHER cup of tea....(usually stop drinking fluids round about now so am nice and empty for my alcohol fix, god, how bad that sounds written down).

Welcome sonlyme
I'm your demographic too!

Haggis - no such thing as posting too much.

Muminboots, I had a nice email from my mum this morning! How am I supposed to know what she is going to do next?!?!?

TMI: I am wearing a pair of shoes very comfortably that were killing me last week. I also got my period yesterday, a week early. I am wondering if I am perimenopausal and this is contributing to all the weirdness. I didn't realise I had water-retention fat feet last week as I thought I was nowhere near the PMT zone. But now I realise I must have been well in the PMT zone.

I looked it up and shortening of cycle is a symptom of peri-menopause. I thought it would get less and less... not more and more. That would explain the hormonal babblings about missing baby-hood....my body saying good bye to baby-making days. Which, tbh, I wasn't all that keen on or good at, at the time.

Looking forward to having a scary hairy chin and a hunchback.... crone-dom, here I come.

Another long time lurker joining the thread.

I am currently drinking a between 3/4 and a bottle of wine a night, most nights. At weekends I have a couple of beers too.

I've tried cutting down, only drinking at the weekends, only drinking on set days, only drinking when I go out. None of it works. I find it very hard to stop at a couple of drinks. I've got into the habit of drinking too much, all the time.

My reasons for stopping:

I want to be healthy. i am terrified of doing lasting damage to my body and not being around for my kids or burdening them with a parent with serious health issues.

I want to model better attitudes to alcohol to my kids - they are 11 and 14 and, if not aware of how exactly much I drink, certainly see me having a drink at every social occasion and a lot at home.

I don't want to be the sweaty slurring middle aged woman in the pub. It's bloody undignified.

I need to stop. This is my second day.

so, I'm not so unique after all hahaha! 3.02pm sober 2 mins after 3pm, yeeah, go me!
Had a big bowl homemade veggie soup and a cuppa so feel full which makes drinking less appealing to me (as less effect).
Deep breaths - I can do this.

yes you can!

55mins Sonlyme! Thinking of you.

Afternoon all and welcome from me as another relative newbie to the thread :)

Haggis you're welcome re the blog and ending you can find it at ahangoverfreelife.com. I'm one of Belle's Team 365 members and she and her blog is fab. Haggis I dipped out of most social engagements in the beginning and all booze was removed from the house. For me it was safer that way.

sonlyme I fit that demographic too and here's another hand to hold.

mab I thought I was having peri-menopausal symptoms too before I stopped & even went and got bloods checked at the GP's. Turns out the symptoms were related to my boozing (night sweats, wonky periods, extra vicious moodiness) as now I've stopped they've gone.

Off to my first AA meeting on Thursday (it's only taken me 9 months to pluck up courage!) any words of advice?

Hi,
Just checking in. I'm 24 days sober,round 2. Not craving a drink. I don't really understand the craving thing because when I lapsed I had massive cravings but now they have just gone.For now,just today.

I feel better sober,everything seems to be a little bit easier and for some reason I have been able to cope with shit by resting or getting out of the situation. And I've been happy which is a feeling I want to extend as far as I can,I intend to stay sober longer this time.

lucy you asked about aa - it is the thing which keeps me sober. I prefer the threads and blogs but if I don't get rl help too then I begin to drift back to the booze.

For a first meeting my advice is to get there 10 mins early. It's hard to walk into a meeting in full flow so get there early to get a seat and cup of tea. People will be really friendly,you don't have to say anything unless you want to. There may be a speaker which is interesting but don't take too much notice if their experience doesn't match yours.I'm a lightweight compared to some but I'm one of those professional,happily married etc etc women who gets home and opens a bottle. I couldn't stop when I wanted to.There will be a serenity prayer at the end which is really nice whether you believe in god or not. Usually I come out feeling a fuck load better than when I went in. The women's meeting is often best (like usual aa but minus the ego)

Think the worst things that have ever happened to me at a meeting are: people go on for ages and someone who is over enthuiastic attempts to insist you do the steps right now- ignore them.
AA isn't really the mysterious place it's made out to be,it's very normal. Think there can depend on where you are though,if you are in a tiny rural location then it might be worth driving a bit further to a bigger meeting,just at first anyway.

Anything else ? oooh- a pot will be passed round at the end for donations but that isn't always taken from you on your first meeting.
Hope that helps.

Guggenheim thank you so much :) I think I've outed myself on here so that I can't back out of it! I know where the meeting is because it is right next to where I used to volunteer as a Samaritan and other vol's attend the meeting. It's in one of my local towns so not a city meeting so hope that it will be okay but I know it isn't a women's group and not sure where the nearest one of those would be. I'll let you know how I get on but honestly I'm crapping myself!