Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Dear STBXH,

It behoves me to write to you today but my solicitor and I have taken the decision to not repeat what we have already said to you three times before.

You cannot dictate your wife's divorce. There's a small matter of law at work, and you are not above it. Agreed, you are such a nutjob right now, that we are both wondering whether you could claim in the future that you are of diminished responsibility.

Only people who are genuinely suffering from diminished responsibility cannot get up, go out, go to work, meet people, play sports and generally participate fully in normal life.

I just have to sit here and do nothing. I don't have to get up, go out, go to work, meet people, play sports or generally participate fully in normal life right now. Sure I will in the future, but today no. Today I can just be angry and sad, hurt and bewildered.

Isn't that ironic.

Your self-repping is actually hilarious, Dr. Google LLB, has misdiagnosed your health, and is now misdirecting you in your divorce.

I've been reading Family Law made simple by Slater and Gordon. I tell you, it's a great read. It'll stand your hair on end! I really like the "Warning Boxes" - you seemed to have fallen head first in to each and every one of them.

It's making me giggle just a little. And I thought today was going to be a sad day.

Anyway, must dash.

Wife, the co-operative person in our marriage.

Is this boolox still going on? Ah well, it's keeping you occupied at least!

'laughter through tears is my favourite emotion' - dolly parton in that film

I love the thought of him falling into each of the warning boxes!

I hope you're managing to have some more time in the sun too - and not think about anything and let SHL do that for you.

So he's blundering from one legal error to another on a steep road to complete losersville? Fabulous! couldn't happen to a more deserving bloke. No really - I love it when people do get exactly what they deserve in life and I think he's going to be shocked rigid whenever he realises that!

Some men just never get the wakeup call, do they? "There is none so blind as he who will not see" and all that. I can't decide whether I'd rather knock him upside the head to wake him up or sit back & watch him self-destruct.

Probably the latter. Much more entertaining, as I'm sure you're finding out.

What I love is that the men who are the most deluded about their "Rights" are always the ones that self rep and therefore bollox it up the most :o

Their arrogance at their own cleverness never ceases to amaze me, how it never occurs to them that a judge will have seen it all before, that laws apply to everyone and not just lowly people.

I would love to be a fly on the courtroom wall when his carefully constructed house of cards comes falling down!

i half wonder if it is some kind of entirely unconscious self destruct mode programmed into people when they are being a completely unreasonable, narcissistic, arsehole but cannot cope with facing it. they disappear into a protective bubble of fingers in ears foot stamping arrogance. some kind of weird arsehole version of cognitive dissonance or the like.

it wouldn't be like a self defense mechanism actually it would be more like a 'everyone defense' mechanism built into the universe whereby if someone picks up enough total arsehole momentum there is a point of tipping over into the equivalent of an alarm system that warns the universe and anyone with 10 brain cells in it loud and clear that you are in full on arsehole mode. a bit like making poison brightly coloured in nature very often.

not helpful but wow. he is certainly screaming it from the rooftops and oozing it from every pore now.

Dear hitherto doubted mother nature,

thank you for the failsafe, built in, tripswiitch arsehole alert mechanism. please could you consider designing an early warning system with a predictive algorhythm?

many thanks.

some kind of weird arsehole version of cognitive dissonance or the like.

I have just looked up cognitive dissonance, and related it to his behaviour.

Cognitive Arseholeonance!

Cognitive Arseholeonance

Yay!!!! New MN phrase!

I will be shamelessly pinching that one :o

Dear STBXH,

In the end, as you know, I, the unreasonable one changed my mind and asked my lovely SHL to send a marginally sanitised version of 'ODFOD' (to quote someone above).

And you have!

Praise be to God!

You've got yourself a solicitor. No more long deluded emails. We'll get long expensive misinformed emails but at least you'll be getting some sensible advice.

If you choose to ignore it because you know better, then hey I can understand that. You will always know best, after all.

I did particularly laugh though when you wrote that despite your best attempts to negotiate a fair settlement, I the unreasonable one, would prefer my day in court.

No, we just wanted you to complete your Form E and supply supporting documentation. Had you done that, we might not be heading to court.

You remain a twat. Albeit a twat with a solicitor.

Guessing I'll be getting your Form E soon though as it is part of the legal process.

Yours, wife who has already done both her Form A and Form E truthfully and honestly and sent them off to the court house.

Wow! I have to say I have been following your thread and 'YOU ROCK' lady. And some!

You have a wonderful way with words, and in that you are most inspiring. :)

"You remain a twat. Albeit a twat with a solicitor"

And you OP remain a class act. Albeit a class act with a twat STBXH.

at least things will get moving now. his solicitor will be able to say err no it's not something she's made up or that you can choose doesn't apply to you, it's the law sir, this is the way we do it!

I wonder what the odds are on the solicitor being summarily sacked when he/she inevitable disagrees with the deranged STBX.

I'm fairly sure that's why XH changed his solicitor fairly early in the proceedings, but I shall probably never know. (Either that or he insisted on some money up front. The replacement didn't, and was badly bitten in the wallet as a result, so I heard.)

Ahh well that's one relief - the delusional shit should stop now. That is, until and unless he doesn't think his sol is doing enough in the haranguing dept.

Hopefully things will progress in a more sane manner now for you. x

This is the first time I've seen this thread. I've just read the whole thing, and I am awed by your strength and dignity WWK. I will be following from now on, and waving my pom poms for you!

I've followed it for a while, OP, I quite often wonder how your week's gone and feel pleased when you have moments when you don't feel constantly wrenched. Originally I was waiting for exciting SHL news but now I pop in to see how you are.

meh at least if the solicitor gets him to fill in the forms that need submitting before they get sacked it will be a step in the right direction.

I am now taking wagers on how long before he sacks this solicitor AND the total number of solicitors he runs through. The result will be the same, though. well will be the winner in the end.

Dear STBXH,

Well aren't you just a barrel of laughs at the mo?

First of all you try to pretend that you aren't earning anything, and now we have a court date due, you've written to the court to say you are too busy to attend.

Incidentally, you do know your chosen legal representative appears to be too busy to write to us, or the court, don't you?

Perhaps you have been hanging out in bars with your new best friend? Or have you sacked him already?

We were most amused when you misunderstood the court process and cited a piece of irrelevant legislation.

Best wishes,

Wife with two solicitors now! I must be breeding 'em.

My word, you are a greedy STBXW, WWK. This is two in addition to the one he kindly treated you to back in May, right? He seemed to like them well enough then.

It's been a while since I had anything to do with divorce courts, but I rather think the answer to "too busy to attend" is likely to be "be there or don't, but the hearing will take place regardless". Courts have a hell of a workload these days and they don't like to be dicked around.

They are also, in the most part, not staffed by idiots, so what this unemployed person is so busy doing that he can't turn up to his own divorce hearing is likely to make them go . Unless it's his signing on day, of course.