Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Oh, shit - had forgotten about that one.

Three solicitors!!

Three!

Fuck, I hate getting things wrong.

I don't think the first one counted though, really. You rejected his kind offer. And even insisted on signing your own papers when he'd tried to save you the trouble. Such ingratitude!

I have cried more over your posts than I have over my own, similar situation.

full of admiraton for you and I wish you all the strength in this world to deal with this.

Please don't think that you should show him any loyalty, I also have questioned if my stbx may be mentally ill, but have come to the conclusion that infact he is completely selfish.

xx

Please don't cry! I've done more than enough already...

I'm just hoping that the divorce process is so thoroughly tried and tested that I'll come through this in one piece, humour intact, and with my 50%!

I hope the same for you too.

As hard as I have found this, and it is far and away the hardest thing I have ever had to cope with, there's enough women knocking around MN to assure me that life indeed will get better. I'm determined to be one of those women.

Slowly, slowly I'm getting there.

WWW I salute you.

Aww, bless the STBXH...Too busy? What a shame.

This is one of the few threads where I wish I had the ability to "like" a post. Actually, I wish it had a "fucking brilliant" button.

WWK - you are getting there and you will continue to do so, one step at a time. Sometimes there will be backwards ones, but always the progress will ultimately be forwards. x

Although you write with great humour, just checking in that you are ok... Do you have friends to talk thus through with? As well as your SHL? And how is your adult child taking this? Take care...

I've followed this but not commented yet. You are doing so well and your STBXH is a knob.

Keep on keeping on x

Thanks Skye. I've also silently followed you over time too! I've done the silent 'whoop whoop' for you in recent past. (Actually I did post on your mainstream thread under another name a long time back).

It's women like you, who have struggled to come to terms with...., but ultimately are doing, and writing about it, that gives women like me something to strive for.

Keep on, keeping on.

thanks. It is a long hard journey for some of us and when you think there is light at the end of the tunnel, it all goes tits up. but never mind.

onwards and upwards. we deserve better x

i do hope your shl has recorded that he sommitted fraud by signing papers for you. i'm sure it would help make clear his utter contempt for law and legal process and help them see the 'too busy' crap is just more contempt and to go ahead with hearing.

what a tosser.

I can see it now; 'Mr wellwhoknew deeply regrets that he is unable to accept Mr/Ms Justice X's kind invitation due to a (nonexistent) prior commitment'. What a fool! Sounds to me like he's fired his most recent solicitor since he sent the response himself.

Dear STBXH,

I have come the sorry realisation that I want this divorce as much as you do - so can we just get on with it?

Our marriage is no more, well it won't be soon enough - I'm okay with that, except for one thing.

If you wish to make decisions - make them. I cannot for the life of me fathom why you are writing to me to make a decision for you: whether or not to hire a solicitor.

How you manage your side of the divorce is up to you. How I manage mine is up to me. I will live with my consequences, you will live with yours. We will both learn to live with the consequences of our marriage in time. Or not - but I will fight to the dying of the day trying.

But I'm fucked if I am going to let you take decisions over my life, and then expect me to take responsibility for yours.

I do not want to read your sniffling, your woe is me, your blame, your angst and your problems. They are all yours. I have my own set, I'm dealing with them as and when I can. I am a real person. I have feelings, worries and hopes just like you.

You wanted this divorce. You got it. So your feelings, wants and need trumped mine when you exited stage right. Now mine trump yours since I'm a one woman band.

So just fuck off and play with your new toy.

Now, please.

Right now.

Thank you, your ranty but decisive wife (and her lovely SHL).

PS "Ding ding" Round 1 to me. You have been ordered to attend court.

Time to (re?) hire a solicitor, I think.

I knew it! He HAD fired solicitor number (too many to keep track of). And now, with court looming large, the reality begins to sink in for him. And he wants you to make his decisions so he can blame you if things don't go 'his way' (which they won't). It really angers me that he forced this situation on you and now he wants you to bear the entire burden of it! Grrrr!!!

wwk you must just be so weary of this. You are doing remarkably well. I hope you are planning a holiday or something for when it's all over. You will soooo deserve the 'me time'!

It's only just beginning - there's a helluva fight building up but in a way it's good as it's something to focus on. I still need to figure out what to do with my post-divorce life - which is looming large. But I suppose when this is all over, I'll know what I have in the bank and can work something out from there.

Scary times.

You're amazing wwk - I am looking to adopt a similar attitude with my own STBXH!

Dear STBXH,

You may well already have a replacement 'companion' for all I know but I have to boast right now that I am the woman magnet!

It transpires my barrister is a woman and both my solicitors are women. More by accident than design, but hey - I can't help it if they find me irresistible.

They have the privilege of spending time with you in ten days' time. I bet your ego is going to love that - after all, it truly is good to be surrounded by women, I'm learning.

Being someone who has often worked in male dominated environments, this new female dominated environment is proving to be enlightening.

The judge is a man, so if you're still bleating on about how unfair divorce is for men, rest assured you've got one on your team to represent you.

It's interesting to note that he has written to you this week twice already. Once to say that you cannot cancel the court action as it is 'ex parte'.

I admit, not being legally minded, I had to look that up. I got it now though: it means a court hearing that is conducted for the benefit of only one party.

Or to put it in simple terms: who gives a shit about your opinions in this instance.

I am increasingly ex parte about you too.

The same judge also wrote to you to say that he didn't deem your work commitments as being more important that your attendance in his court. Ergo, he isn't prepared to adjourn it.

You've gotta love men and their pissing competitions.

Anyway, I'll be seeing you soon, whereupon your belongings will part company with my spare room. Unless, of course, the same judge agrees that we can have our hearing by phone. In which case, erm, your aversion to making telephone calls is going to look a little ludicrous.

(Just to hit home the point that I asked you to make some phone calls, and you found that so unreasonable, that you made that divorce point no. 3)

You are someone who has always said that if women want equal rights we should not expect special treatment. We should expect to be treated the same as men. That's the great thing about divorce is that it doesn't stipulate the gender - the rules are the same for everyone.

Yours,

The indifferent wife.

I am increasingly ex parte about you too.

Good for you WWK

Send him some more Latin ............ Pedicabo off

Keep on Keeping on

KOKO x

Told you the court don't like being dicked around :) I'm sure the judge will make a fair and equitable judgement, of course, but it can't hurt that he will be p'd off with STBX before they even meet.

Op - do you have a writer / journalist / copywriter background?

Because you write really really well.

Good luck with the divorce and please keep posting.

Xxx

Not a journalist/writer nor had any training. I don't think I could be one -
I'd have to be in a permanent bad mood to feed my creativity!

wwk you have an entire internet of female support rooting for teamwwk I would love to see the look on stbxh's face if he could see us all it would be like the ad for unison(?) with the ants and the bear.
your inner strength flows through your writing. .. even if you feel wobbly in rl. I am one of the many that check in to see how you are too.
Good luck

yes - you should possibly consider publishing some of these later. it would make a fantastic read for women going through divorce.

you should carry on with them as you learn to get your life back.

very glad to hear the judge has told him to bog off. mr i don't work but i have work commitments - interesting that.

presumably he somehow thought it would never come to this, that you were being a silly girl but would see reason soon enough and agree to his ludicrous demands and that would be that.

tough. time to wake stbxh.