Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

i should imagine now that he really is gone it will be 'safe' for all sorts of feelings and memories to come up of ways he has badly let you down before. i imagine when you're 'in' the relationship it's not safe to see things like that and they can get buried.

it's awful that he didn't support you through a horrible experience. have you noticed how the people who never take responsibility for their own actions are incredibly fast to point the finger of blame at others?

I think your STBXH is becoming rather nervous of the woman you are becoming.

I am sorry that you had an awful experience last year, it was not your fault. It sounds a though justice will prevail in this case just as it will in your divorce.

BTW your STBXH is behaving like a fool, his bark is getting louder and louder but his bite is lessening with every empty threat he makes.

Good grief.
You really have been through a tough time.
I'm so pleased the police have reassured you that it's not your fault.
I cannot believe what a low life piece of scum your shitty STBXH was that day.
But you are going forward and still writing your inspirational posts.
Keep going.
Thinking of you.

It sounds as though you are finally allowing yourself to go over a horrible event and see it afresh. How wonderful that you can do this! Your strength is inspiring once again.
I know you are aware of this but your ex is trying every trick in the book. I've seen all of these reactions with my ex and you are doing the right thing by NC. As far as I remember it was: indifference, tears, NC, rage, NC, rage, NC, rage, poor me, poor me, you are nuts, I can't work, NC. In that order. It feels like an eternity at the time. Hope you enjoy your luxury day today.

Don't ever think that you are weak. You are so strong, even in 'weak' moments. Strong and with a great heart.

I hope all went well for you today.

Strong ... and resilient. And with a backbone of steel!

Keep on talking.
DON'T SHUT UP EVER AGAIN.

Dear STBXH,

I am a very mysterious person at the moment. I'm in a new situation of having to meet new people and dealing with very personal questions.

Are you married? Do you have kids? What do you do?

You know, the innocuous questions that we bat away without thought in ordinary life. Those questions which enable people to sum us up.

So what do I say:

Yes I am married.

Yes we have a child.

I don't work.

You can see the flash across the face: oh, so you're a SAHM. But, I'm not. I never have been. The child concerned is an adult now. I am a fraud by answering those innocuous questions. I am not even 'married' in the true sense of the word any more. So I say I am not married.

Are you married? No.

Do you have kids? Yes.

What do you do? I don't work.

Oh, now I'm a scrounger.

Here's another approach:

Do you have a job?

No. But I'm studying.

Do you have kids? Yes.

What do you do? I'm a solicitor in training.

Now I'm a respectable human being.

What about you? What do you say?

Are you married? No but I have two ex-wives. We'll overlook the technicalities of this question.

Do you have kids? Yes. And they are my be-all and end-all.

Do you have a job? Well it depends - are you in anyway connected to my WIFE'S solicitor?

Yours,

Wife, whose occupation is forensic semantics.

Dear STBXH,

It's Saturday and I'm not up to much, I've done a bit of house cleaning, and quite a bit of paperwork. A pretty humdrum day, given I have nothing to do.

I'm wondering how you have spent your time as well. Have you worked overtime today? You kept saying 'we' needed the money and I justified it because I thought we were both making the sacrifice: I had to accept us not spending time together in order to get the pounds in the bank. You felt it was the right decision to ensure our future.

Now that I've been sacrificed, I wonder whether your commitment to work is as hollow as your commitment to our marriage.

I wonder whether if you have worked any overtime for quite some time.

In a funny way, though I hope you are having a fabulous Saturday. Just because I like the idea of you having a good time, while the rest of us work to get my life back on track. I like the irony.

After all, today, my solicitor gave up time with her children and family to work on my case, to make sure that we get the paperwork completed correctly on Monday. She's working tomorrow as well.

I realise she is just a faceless woman to you. She's just a woman doing her job. But for her to give up her family time, to take care of me, to make that kind of sacrifice, when you could not, is very ironic don't you think?

I respect her a lot. She is the person who is actually having to deal with you, when I am the woman who has chosen not to. She is so fucking angry on my behalf, of your treatment of me, that she chose to make a very precious sacrifice for me.

It kind of brings things home to me, that someone who could quite frankly work 9 - 5, and usually does, has gone the extra mile. You have upset her that much. And yet, I remain calm, and quiet and devastated.

Mind you, if you have worked overtime, may I remind you, you're still working for my future.

Your idle wife.

De-lurking to wish you well.

Good luck monday! I will be thinking of you x

Just found this thread again WWK - so glad to see things are moving on and your SHL sounds an absolute star! I hope she takes your STBXH to absolute pieces because oh boy does he deserve it. I don't know the nature of the attack on you, but it doesn't matter because no one ever deserves to be attacked or causes it and he is a grade 1 shit to have even suggested that it was in any way your fault. I'm actually glad he has instigated all this mess, because now you realise what an utter bastard he is to have even said that - and you might not otherwise have done so.

Good riddance to him. But do kick him hard on the way out.

Good luck tomorrow WWK!

Dear STBXH,

Well this week is sure going to be an interesting. What with it starting by your emailing to demand that I file divorce sooner rather than later in order to reduce your maintenance payments.

You know that document where you slagged for off for a page and a half, and then signed and dated your name at the bottom and then sent it to the court.

That is your divorce petition. I don't need to file.

You are nuts. Just plain fucking nuts. It's official.

Your sane wife, with a more sane solicitor.

Good luck today. You are a woman of dignity and fantastic humour. Kick his arse.

destination total plot loss fast approaching then. i think the only word that wouldn't be accrediting him with too much stature is TWAT. he is just being a silly little twat now.

the paper trail for the court is going to be so clear. not that they care really because as you say it isn't a dramatic play for them but a simple matter of law. the amateur dramatics is only really serving to make him look like a narcissistic twat who doesn't grasp that he isn't the ruler of the world.

Lordy, he hasn't a clue, has he? He's just trying to confuse you but luckily you're ok and he isn't, and as you say, your SHL is even more sane and together.

Field day approaching...

What a damned idiot! I'd like to be in the visitor's gallery to see his face when it all comes tumbling down on his empty head.

Well you have our permission to look at the judge, give a small smile, and roll your eyes to the ceiling.

Dear STBXH,

I'm watching Countdown these days - well I'm trying to work out if I'm more like a student or an old gimmer. I like how the clock goes tick, tock, tick, tock.

It's our two month anniversary of being apart today, and I thought it important to mark the occasion.

With some regret, I really didn't have anything witty or cutting to put in the card I should have bought.

So instead I signed my name against the legal paperwork you're about to served. I'm afraid I didn't put kisses, I didn't think it appropriate given you hate me right now.

I don't know how I feel about you anymore. Do I still love you? Then it begs the question: who did I love? Do I hate you? Sometimes, yes. But then why would I cry so much? Do I pity you? I don't know. Am I embarrassed by you? Yes.

Today, I came home and basked in the sun. It was the first time I have felt at peace for a long time. The first time, since you left that I haven't been angry or sad, or numb, or hurting. I just lay there and absorbed the warmth.

Nothing shat on me. Nothing interrupted my semi-slumber. Nothing ruined my little me moment. For the first time since you left, I let go and just forgot for a moment.

And for the first time since you left, that ever pervading knot of anxiety and fear I have had in my stomach evaporated.

I think it's winging its way over to you.

Yours,

Wife, whose face is rather red, but not from crying!

What a lovely moment

The first of many.

wonderful as always to make your face even more red

Lovely. May this be the first of many moments of peace and sunshine. And heartburn and sunburn for him.

I found that the percentage of time that I was sad diminished steadily over the months - by the 6m mark, it was down to about 50% of the time. Still had 2 steps forward, 1 step back days - but then it became 4 steps forward, 1 step back, and then more and more steps forward until eventually they were all forward and no back. After a year I was able to laugh uproariously at some misfortune my ex suffered - no pity, no sorrow, nothing but laughter (made more exquisite by the fact that his lovely grandparents phoned to tell me of the misfortune, bless 'em! )

You're getting there - and your days in the sun, real or metaphorical, will increase steadily. :)

It's only 2 months? Oh WWK, you are doing so well.

Hoping you have many more moments in the sun.

Dear O' Deluded one,

Thank you for your email - and offering me 90% of the assets in my name, whilst not offering any of the assets in your name. How very kind of you.

It was so nice of you to go through my form E line by line and make helpful suggestions on how I can cut my outgoings. I'm amazed you found the time since you are unable to find the time to do your own Form E.

I am spectacularly impressed by your suggestion that you buy me a caravan and I live in that to save my rental costs. How utterly spiffing of you.

Anyway, all very good ideas. Here is mine:

Fuck off.

Yours, wife who likes to be surrounded by bricks and mortar.