Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

WWK I dont think you can actually be done for murder as long as you do actually mention it in mediation and they dont query it...

Why didn't I read this thread before? It's Totally Fucking Brilliant!
Rudely marking place, so I can cackle all the way through it tomorrow.
TBXH may have the forgery skills & a didactic edge but, OP, you've got all the wit & brains And the

Apologies, Garlic

I'm just stealth!

Just don't tell the STBXH...

.

I should probably clarify I am not the poster known as 'StealthPolarBear'. Not even sure I've even been on the same threads as her.

Just been on MN for a while.

Pombears, PenisBeaker, T-Rex endorsement of my credentials, blahdyn, blahdy blah.

No, I got what you meant by "I'm just stealth!"

he has a heart condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME. It is for him to prove.... Well at least that will save you the cost of the divorce

Hmmm, he could be using the BMI definition of overweight etc to obtain his classification of obese, many sports personnel are in the overweight and obese categories due to how much muscle they carry (most premiership and international rugby players to start with). This does not in any way mean they are unhealthy/in danger of weight related illnesses, it just means that BMI is not a suitable tool when dealing with muscly people.

I'll be accused of pre-mediated murder.

I had a snigger at that ^

That's exactly what he's doing Andro - he's been telling the world that he's technically 'obese' for years, but he thought it might compel the judge in the telephone hearing, that this was a crucial factor which must be taken into account.

It wasn't.

I wonder why now, we have a face to face hearing, he's shifted from being 'obese' to having a 'heart condition'. FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME.

Same man, different bollocks.

I've been lurking for a while on your thread WWK - glad to see you're still managing to hold your own and laugh with your SHL! - and that your Friday nights are your own once again.

Let's hope that now he has told the Court about his impending death and obesity that you can now move on to the matters in hand.

With much admiration,
Sezam

Somewhat of an aside, but I understand that quite a number of greyhounds and other dogs with greyhound in their breeding have heart murmurs that you would normally worry about in other dogs - but in them its just one of those things and quite unlikely to affect them at all - something to do with their athleticism I think.

What's he going to do with the furniture if you give him 'his half' I wonder? Or could you charge him rent for it remaining in the house???

Whilst I understand SHL and SHB don't really want the same judge for their own reasons, it might be some karma - although I would anticipate that any judge would have a quick read through of previous proceedings in the case?

Exactly, Mistlethrush! Although if I take the greyhound evidence into the courthouse to disprove he has a heart condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME, I will be considered as barking as he is!

His 'heart condition' FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME is about a convincing as me claiming to be disabled on the basis of having a sore verruca. Quite frankly, it's an insult to people who have genuine health conditions which do interfere with their quality of life.

Dunno what's going to happen with the furniture at the moment. It could be very entertaining to say the least.

From what I understand now about divorce, what's gone before is not really taken into account until you get to Final Hearing, if it gets that far. The onus is on us to negotiate out of court.

So far, he has utterly failed to grasp the concept of negotiation, believing that he decrees and I must agree. When I don't, and take it to the courthouse, we get told to take into consideration his obesity/heart condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME.

But to be fair, I'm finding his heart condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME a lot easier to live with than the endless decrees/threats/allegations of yonder period.

Well - have been following, and admiring your tone, and feeling sorry for you for having to deal with someone like this.

But finally, I have to ask,

why two 'FROM's?

Ooooh, d'you think if the judge, for some unthinkable reason, decrees that you have to give him half the furniture, you could get a handyman in to saw each item in two?

My greyhound has a heart murmur... Doesn't slow her down in the slightest!

KOKO WWK, how you manage to stay as sane as you are while dealing with this fuckwit is beyond me.

Also, have to say, nosily intrigued about this heart condition...

Mmm I'm not sure why I felt the need for two 'FROMS' either, but I've now outed myself has having cut and pasted the phrase to save me from getting RSI!

Mine I have a chainsaw, I could save myself the cost of the handyman and then invoice STBXH for the use of petrol! Corking plan! He can have the cat's side of the sofa. Wonder if he's going to ask for 50% of the cats?

Snotty I don't think I am remotely sane at all. On this matter, I think STBXH and I agree. On the matter of him being a Twat, I think we are all agreed bar him.

Back in July, when I took him to court, he submitted the now infamous list of how I could cut down my outgoings (three pages of ideas), and a 16 page medical report, and two pages on how dissatisfied he was with this unnecessary court action, with the wonderful line: 'I am not submitting a Form E because it is too time-consuming and not necessary'.

According to his annual medical report) sent to the judge in the first hearing, his Heart Condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME states he has:

Probable Left Ventricle Hypertrophy. The medical reports states: It can be caused by high blood pressure (which he doesn't have), obesity (which he is not) or occurs naturally as a reaction to aerobic exercise and strength training.

Now he has decided that the Form E is necessary, he put in the box that this Heart Condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME should be taken into account.

And which, according to Dr. Google, I learn "The enlargement is not permanent in all cases, and in some cases the growth can regress with the reduction of blood pressure and controlling excitements/emotions strictly"

So the conundrum I face is that: if he'd kindly fuck off and co-operate with this divorce that he instigated, and give up the passionate new love thing, I think he might help his chances of not dropping down dead. On the other hand...

But, dear Hysterical Women of Mumsnet, please rest assured this is a Heart Condition FROM WHICH HE IS GOING TO DROP DOWN DEAD FROM AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME. It ain't even as serious as a Heart Murmur that all your greyhounds are refusing to drop down dead from at any moment in time.

Note to self. Putting strikethrough --s either side of does not work. Why on earth did I ever think it would?

WWK that did make me laugh...

LVH, eh? Gosh... He really could drop down dead of that at any minute... Any minute at all. It's a wonder he's not followed around by an undertaker proffering a coffin!

(You could, however, flummox him and ask him what his left ventricular ejection fraction is, and if he doesn't know, then perhaps make the point that if he was to drop down dead of this at any moment, surely, they would have done an echocardiagram to check...?)

On another note entirely, you write extremely well, I'd certainly buy something you wrote.

Yes, I agree with Snotty, your style of writing is great! (Sorry that you've had to write it though).

Athletes heart?

Hold just looked that up, sounds about right, don't it.

Whereas I have a much more serious medical condition: TwatBrokeMyHeartByRunningAway.

I'm recovering though.

Dear STBXH,

All this talk of splitting furniture has got me thinking...if you wanted 50% of the cats which one would you claim?

The skinny one with the very minor heart murmur
The fat one with obesity ishoos.

Just pondering...

Mad Cat Wife.

He can't have a condition of the heart if he doesn't have one!

And he can't have the cats either!!

You are so well rid wwk!

At least you have an even number of cats, re the 50% question.

Now you just need nil husbands.

I cant find the clip on line but this reminds me of when Dorothy and Gary split up in MBB and he goes up to Deborahs with a chain saw and cuts a stuffed cat and a cat basket in half and also their tent "shouldnt be such a bitch to put up now!".

Might be worth doing with anything you are getting rid of just for shits and giggles and your own MH!