Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Gosh wwk he's abhorrent! Absolutely hateful, you on the other hand sound so amazingly strong even if the wavering can be there occasionally - well not now hopefully since the emergence of OW as you say.

Just about sums him up and the fact that this is his second divorce! So he's spending on his new woman now, reeling her in, desperate for support so has to buy it.

Your legal team sound fantastic - he's no match for you or them the worm!!

Keep on as they say! X

Well - now you know it wasn't just the pills. Or to put it another way, why he felt he needed the pills. Someone to impress.

What an absolute idiot.

So the secret bank account has now emerged... What a surprise. Ask your SHL if you can search for more - there may be, especially as you can't find transactions you know about. He's not doing very well is he? KOKO as they say.

Hi thename,

You know if he'd been a decent human being since he decided to leave the marriage, then the emergence of the OW would have hurt more.

The fact that I'm having to fight endless fuckwittery means I can calmly rely on my legal team to do their damnedest, and feel a lot less guilt about it.

Naturally, I do feel bad, I have no motivation to cause harm to anyone, but I didn't ask for this divorce, I was utterly blindsided by it. I don't want him back, I want me back.

Me was a happy person.

He has not made me happy at all in 2014. He has actively made me sad. I don't feel comfortable with any of this but I always do what has to be done.

I've read your thread: for you the FOG has lifted and you're on your way. Your story is a little too close to mine, that I found reading your story very difficult. I should caution you though: I suspect that this fuckwittery is heading your way.

It ends - but it's just a trauma to get through.

And thank God for Mumsnet posters who take the time to walk us through this!

Take care, WWK.

Mine There is definitely more - unfortunately he didn't take with him all the paperwork.

Some of it got left on the mantlepiece.

So of it he has alluded to in his own testimony in court and in correspondence to my SHL.

His whole story has never added up.

It still doesn't.

In my former career, trying to get the truth of the matter was what I did. Trying to solve problems was what I did. I am very well trained for this.

The biggest, crying, shame of my life is that I have to use my professional skills on him.

That kills me - how did I get him so wrong?

so - some!

When this divorce is over, I will be able to focus effectively on my typing!

His 'defence' of his stance is that all the assets in my name were loaned to me

Has he got "paperwork" to prove this?

Dear STBXH,

I have no humour. I am raging. I am so sickened by you. I have dealt with your Form E. I am so sick of you being alive.

Whatever you think about your pill taking, whatever you think of me, the reason I put 2 + 2 together was because of the village gossip of a lad who started taking steroids, and the behavior change.

Your buying pills online is very significant. The receipt is still in my inbox. The evidence is in your divorce petition.

He was 22.

It was the village gossip that got me thinking. I wrote about it on here long ago.

He dropped down dead yesterday.

I've just been told.

I know his parents. They know me.

They were totally in supportive of our business. They knew me. They have been very supportive of me since you left - you know how people 'just give me little tokens'.

Their son dropped down dead, aged 22.

Yesterday.

You're 50 and claiming a heart condition. You have sleep apnea (you don't mention that in your Form E)

He was 22.

He was 22.

He was 22.

His parents are younger than you.

I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you.

I really fucking hate you.

You know, the soothsayers are right: at least you have your health.

And at least I have my sanity.

Today is worse now than I thought it could even be.

I fucking hate you.

Wife - just fucking hurry up with the divorce. I fucking despise you.

Ahh, an OW. How cliche of him. WWK, hate him for the moment if you need to, but don't waste too much energy on him. He just isn't worth it.

The loss of a young person is doubly hard. My sympathy to you and to his family.

The ultimate irony of the OW winning her prize is that she gets what she deserves.

My heart goes to you and that young mans family over his loss xx

Yep - an OW. No wonder he is adamant that you don't get any money - he needs it for her.

So... he's lost:- his marriage, you, his business, his money, his reputation

So sad about the young lad (same age as my ds1, near enough ) - God, tell us HE didn't have anything to do with it? (recommendations, peer pressure, dealing?)

So sorry to hear about the young lad in your village WWK. I really hope that Twat had nothing to do with it and the only connection was you putting 2+2 together.

The OW - well it is perhaps not that much of a surprise.. his expenditure on her is going to raise some eyebrows in court given he wanted you to live in a caravan.

I hope that your meeting with SHL goes well tomorrow - and that, between the two of you, you're able to pin point all the gaping holes and perhaps fill a few of them in.

Do you think WWK that he has something to do with these steroids?

Do you think he has given him steroids?

I have not read your thread about the village gossip, do you want to link to it?

Important: You are not responsible for him, you are not his mum, you are his STBEXW.

I am so so sorry to read this.

(toad also has sleep apnea and a heart condition and has written extensively about it in his form E, oh and diabetes too and ... )

Form E is very upsetting, there is no denying it, even if you don't mind there being an OW. I don't give a shit about the OW, except that he was lying about her and got lice when he was still living here and the family GP informed me that Toad had lice, through close body contact in cheap hotels which is one of my treasured memories of this relationship.

What is upsetting is that they are tight with money regarding the children and their barrister informs you with a cold stare that they will only do the minimum for the children and then you look at their form E and rage when you see that they are taking the OW out for dinner every week at the cost of two sets of school uniform that they refuse to contribute to.

Thank god there is MN with lots of lovely posters who remind us to stay calm and reasonable at all times.

Leave the Form E for a while and go for a walk. .

Dear STBXH,

I have had a lovely morning at my solicitor's this morning, that in fact I got two free cups of tea. Well, they are not really 'free' are they?

But they went down so well until the bit where we both chocked at the realisation that we think your shit hopeless solicitor may well have sent us a draft copy of your Form E.

Never mind, my SHL has contacted the court direct, because we had to ring the court after your shs firm couldn't find your Form E to check we'd been sent the right one, and the one we had been sent was missing some vital pages.

And some of your appendixes demonstrated bank accounts not listed in your Form E.

We are assuming court has the 'real' one, and we have a duff one - for now. All the same, we are now suing you for wasted costs.

Never mind, eh!

Wife, diligently drinking tea.

How do you do it WWK? How do you get up each day and face whatever shit may come your way? You are so incredible strong to be dealing with all of this solicitor crap as well as the pain of him leaving you and hurting you. I am so sorry you have to be going through this torturous process. Un mumsnetty hugs. I know you never asked for this, but you are a special someone that has helped me day by day as an example of strength and perseverance.

WWK, looks like you need to get a money forensic person (right term?) to ferret out all this missing cash and then charge stbxh for the privilege.

It will certainly be interesting comparing the 'draft' with the real version and picking out the discrepancies. I can't imagine that any judge is going to look on all of this in a positive light.

KOKO WWK. Thinking of you still x

Because, Start what's the alternative? There's none. But I take it one day at a time. I am sardonic here - but I cry privately.

I'm in touch with other people on here going through their own private hell - who provide huge amounts of support, I live in a very supportive community, I have a SHL, a good counsellor, and because too many MNetters promise me: It gets better.

It's other people getting me through this to be fair!

But I'm one of the lucky ones - I can just about afford to get through this - and it will be worth it.

I firmly believe: The decision to divorce relieves him, and devastates me. The act of divorce, devastates him and relieves me.

I don't want to let anyone think that being abandoned is a walk in the park, it's not - but each day you get battered toughens you up for the next round. I am not going to roll away and give up, I've come too far now, the worst is over.

My SHL was raging though...to be honest!

We're kind of hoping that is the real Form E though. Because, well, just because...

And he is no longer a litigant in person anymore - so can't hide behind the defence of "I didn't know, your honour". Not that that worked last time.

Because his honour will look at his legal team and glare, whack his hammer down and make his final order.

He's fucked in more ways than he imagined.

And I'm just a silly little woman.

looks like you need to get a money forensic person (right term?)

Forensic accountant...and it does rather seem that one would have fun with the form E as it currently stands.

WWK, you are doing brilliantly!

Don't really need a forensic accountant...I have some skills and my SHL has some skills...and my SHB has some shocking powers of persuasion....

and the judge has some serious powers.

I am (sob, sob) not a 'big money' divorce alas! But not quite so poor that I need to live out my days living in a caravan...

And the weirdest thing ever: He hired 'shs' ten days before our last court hearing...so he's had a lawyer for months.

'shs' is a she so I'm guessing she's been told 'Don't you worry your pretty little head about, babes' I am the MAN.

He never truly disappoints, does he? Shocks the shit out of me: but never disappoints!

Oh that is Brilliant, WWK! He has a shs that he thinks he is better than!

Great. More hilarity on its way then, while he will tie himself in so many knots he'll disappear up his own arse....

Completely agree about Shocks the shit out of me:but never disappoints

I am surprised he has a female solicitor.

WWK, actually, you could have just curled up in a corner.... But you didn't. You came on here and posted in a style that demonstrates your eloquence and dry sense of humour. I take my hat off to you (and will be shaking pom-poms on the day of your hearing).
As for the Form E, give them enough rope, eh?

WWK you suggest you have been supported through this process/debacle by MNetters & I, about to set off on this difficult journey am inspired by yours.
I'm grateful for your kind messages to me when asking advice & have been to the library to gen up on the book you recommend (plus a couple on how to support children through this time & minimise their experiences)
I too have a devious twunt, but he refuses to leave so am forced to tolerate the fuckwittery in my face via lying on my sofa night after night (not during the day, but thats cos I'm working full time while he is 'off sick' but secretly sordid shagging)
When things are mildly/wildly frustrating I know I can click on this forum & see some light. Some progress will come from the baby steps & legal process Ill put my trust in. Thanks WWW & MN
(Can't wait to read the dramatic episode when the Judge will roast over coals your STBXH)