Dear STBXH,
I know I shouldn't be surprised by the emergence of the OW at all but it's a bit naff really, isn't it? What with you being a walking talking cliche of a middle aged man.
I see you are so head over heals in love that you've decided that once your contract has finished, you'll be remaining there and require rental property.
She does sound very expensive, I must say looking at your expenditure. Looking at the marital assets in the cold light of day, she is shockingly more expensive than I realised: we have lost an incredible amount of money from collapsing the business we were building up, you are about to lose 50% of fifteen years of your financial investments.
And these are the ones you have disclosed - there's more to come.
And I was worried about how I was going to cope financially post-divorce, it now transpires I don't have to. I'm going to be okay. I'm lucky in that respect. So in some ways, today comes as a pleasant surprise. I haven't quite 'won the lottery' but I have won something much more valuable.
A life free of fuckwittery.
But what about her? What happens if your contract does in fact run out and you become a stay at home husband? After all, it never bothered me - I never even minded paying the child maintenance for your first child. Being a decent human being comes naturally to me.
I wonder if she'll just view you the way you've viewed me - that you're just a drain on the finances and she can do so much better. I wonder, you know, when the honeymoon period ends, what kind of 'prize' she'll really see you as.
I'm such an old hand at MN, that I knew you expected me to 'fight' for you. Only, you've become a pitiful excuse of a man, there wasn't much to fight for really. You chose to leave. I wasn't going to make that difficult for you. Now, you're truly furious that I'm making it 'difficult' for you to leave the marriage. You can't have it both ways: you could have chosen to stay.
But you made your choices. I just have to live with them. So do you. So does she.
That's why you're being such a dick I suppose, because if your job goes tits up, and you've got to depend on someone: you've got a very expensive partner to keep happy. Our acquaintance was wrong: It is she that has cost you a fortune, it transpires. Not me.
I may be bargain basement by comparison - but only in your eyes. One day, you may miss my lack of materialism. One day, you may actually, remember that it didn't take much to make me happy. One day, you may look back and miss my intelligence and ability to communicate.
But I will still be lacking in materialism, still not need much to be happy and still have my intelligence and ability to communicate.
This year has been tremendously sad but that's because of you. Within a year, you'll no longer be connected to me in anyway (well possibly via periodical payments if they aren't capitalised, which I think I might want after all), and I'll be happy again.
I would never have you back because, quite frankly, you'd only be after me for my money.
Ironically not yours.
Wife.