Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

.

Forensic accountant...and it does rather seem that one would have fun with the form E as it currently stands.

That's the word, I was looking for.

Mine your post is lovely, thank you. I'm sure you are aware, behind the 'scenes' there is a whole other story.

You make a good point, I have to face this every day. I have to deal with it. I'm probably just very good at reporting irony (always had a dry sense of humour)

But possibly because there are others out there - who are dealing with it differently, I do feel it important to state:

For three months, I really did curl up into a ball.

Abandonment makes you say out-loud: Yes, I'd quite like to die today, please. But please make sure no one else suffers for my demise.

But you wake up the next morning. It hits you again. Hard. And that's assuming you've managed any sleep at all. And if you do, the dreams are a torture in themselves.

I fight hard to find humour in this (I really always have been quite droll).

Reality is: even some days I don't believe this is happening. I routinely have to go back and check the facts - because none of it feels real. I do feel madder than a hatter.

But I don't wear hats!

These days, I have moments of despair, moments of anger, moments of enjoying the sun, a bit of laughter and a lot of 'fuck you'. That's after four months. It is no longer the utter 'manic and panic' of the first few weeks, nor the 'shock and awe' of the last few. It is now 'each day as it comes'.

On the bad days, other people get me through it.

But when anything happens I have the motivation to ask myself: but how can I make light of this?

And thinking that way: I get me through the hard yards.

I will call you tomorrow. We're now at the same stage. Who do they think they are? It is insane, luckily we are 'kinda' sane after all this crap. I will call you tomorrow. xxx

he will tie himself in so many knots he'll disappear up his own arse….Captainmummy that had me in stitches! If only WWK should be so lucky!

WWK I know you play down your role in this, but you really have brought courage and humour to many who read your thread. I'm in a happy marriage (touch wood!) and I must admit I've felt vicarious enjoyment at your triumphs over and refusals to be crushed by STBXH. After all, pretty much every woman has had a man in her past who has done her dirt and gotten away with it! I'll even admit that when DH and I had a spat the other day I secretly thought "Don't fuck with me Buster, you don't know what I've learnt!!!" LOL.

This is a very interesting thread. I hope things go well for you OP.

Not posted for a while WWK but still wishing you strength and serenity. I am in awe of the way you are dealing with this, and understand that there is a lot more beneath the tip of this particular iceberg.

Very sorry about the young lad

How are you WWK? Thinking of you and hope you are ok

Okay, all things considered Thename. A lot to take in this week in learning how much of my marriage was a lie, but I'm getting rather numb to it all these days, and still don't think I know the full story as to what caused the sudden 'implosion'.

As Team WWK's Sanity Checker (counsellor) pointed out: I no longer need to feel worried about him anymore.

I couldn't put my finger on what had changed in me, but yes that's it. I can be hurt and angry, and sad but I don't have to feel guilty. It's a large stride towards freedom.

I'm waiting on news from my solicitor with what has really happened with the Form E, whether it really is a draft, whether the court house has the same copy.

Seeing my solicitor again on Sunday so hopefully more news (and giggles) there!

That's good, you sound upbeat! things all ticking along by the sounds of it then and I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor too

I have heard about this Form E from a friend who has just been through it. Sounds a bitch of a form to fill out why would his solicitor send a draft to court though? Baffling. Nothing new there though I guess X

My solicitor and her lovely paralegal did most of the work to be fair - I just spend days and days doing the paperwork to handover.

I know someone round these parts has just sent hers off today, she's DIY-ing, and it's driven her to distraction! Sounds like she's done a good job on it though - but her STBXH has decided that he 'can't be bothered'.

So I thought my STBXH was a unique arsewipe, but no there's plenty of them around...

Wow, you're seeing your solicitor on a Sunday? She really is invested in your case then! Round these parts most lawyers don't work on Fridays, let alone weekends!

Since I was curious, I took a look at the online Form E. Goodness, it certainly is thorough, to say the least! Seems to me it would be hard to 'forget' something since it asks such very detailed questions!

Yes, arsewipes abound. And divorce & 'my money' brings out the worst in them!

Yep - she's absolutely flat out with work, is it any wonder? She has a very strong reputation, which I only found out about after we agreed terms. I'm lucky she took me on, but I don't think she knew what she was letting herself in for...

...or maybe she did, and it's me that had no idea! She said she does love her job because generally she gets her own way (!).

I would imagine she's enjoying having a case she can really get her teeth into WWK!

Cripes I've just had a look at Form E as well online - my eyes had crossed by page 17!! Good Lord.

To anyone looking at Form E, just be grateful you didn't have to do it twice!
But it does turn up some interesting things....

Well, they do say everyone has a book in them!

It's called a Form E! Once you have added all the attachments it's like a PHD dissertation!

TheName don't panic about it - you've got a SHL who will be more than used to them and will guide you through it...You haven't started divorce proceedings yet, and you only have to do it if you have a timetabled divorce (I think). Lots of people negotiate outside of the courts, and if you know pretty much everything about your husband's accounts, then negotiating away from court is an option.

If, on the other hand, you have a twat of a husband who tells you what your financial settlement is going to be, you have the sheer joy of Form E.

But then again, so does he! And you know how much they love being told 'what to do'...

Ah thanks that's interesting wwk, maybe I won't need one then, don't know yet obviously - my friends exh was very financially controlling (not in the same way as mine who takes no interest in finances and more often than not fails to get paid) - but had been hiding money, syphoning it off to his parents, buying an expensive car outright as soon as he knew divorce proceedings were going to start, leaving her skint and struggling to feed the kids by the end of the month while he was hoarding thousands!

He was a shit, absent, drunk Dad - he bought his kids a loom band box set recently and then turned round and told my friend she owed him £20 for it - he was going to fight her all the way and she sweated over Form E for a good couple of weeks, I think it went back and forth a couple of times - he was trying not to pay her anything, trying to 'get' the kids for at least 3 days a week so that he didn't have to pay her maintenance. Absolutely obsessed with money.

Anyhoo - divorce is all sorted now and she got Everything she asked for haha! She's going to better off divorced than married. He had no choice to agree everything eventually, not because she was ruthless either, he must have eventually been told by his lawyer to just pipe the hell down! He can't have enjoyed the Form E experience either haha!

I digress anyway - you're doing great WWK

Ah! Yes, I rather suspect I am also already better off during the divorce than in my marriage - I even used to give him my monthly salary when I worked - although in his Form E he claims he paid for 'everything'.

I wasn't so much mugged as I was a mug.

Leave and learn, I s'pose.

Goodness! Well koko wwk hope you're enjoying a as it's Friday! X

You seem very positive WWK. Good for you!

I'm a person who had to do 3 x Form E's...& go to mediation & court. All because xh was totally manipulated by his shl. They know which clients to milk!!!!

They're all taunts.....live and learn, I agree WWK.
Koko my love x

I hate to think what that all cost, Zebra! Was it worth it in the end?

Dear STBXH,

I am not writing with news of our pending divorce, that's for tomorrow, if indeed there's any news. Whatever.

I'm just writing to say I've had a fabulous day. I decided to put my loathing of 'Famous Train Service' to one side to go and do 'lady who lunches on her husband's money with style'.

It cost you a fortune.

Even more when 'Famous Train Service' did its thing, ending up with me stranded in the middle of nowhere and a long way from home.

A familiar feeling given our long relationship with transport.

And, err, you.

And you know what I did?

I solved the problem with the minimum of fuss and drama.

Not even one word was shouted or sworn before.

I didn't even have to do an Erin Brokovich clenching of cleavage.

It wasn't even stressful. I smoked a ciggie, thought 'fuck' then went and chatted to someone, who couldn't help, but found me a person who could, and I got myself home via very friendly taxi driver who, during the long drive, told me a lot about his life, and I, a little of mine.

I told a complete stranger my husband left me suddenly four months ago. My voice didn't even crack.

I just got myself out yet another mess - and the best bit: you weren't there to make it stressful.

But the best irony of the day: The conversation at lunch turned to famous people we'd met, and I recalled spotting a famous person at Heathrow, but you were too busy ranting and raving at me, that you nearly missed it. I had to interrupt you mid-flow to point out who it was (someone you admired). A distraction technique saved the day, that time.

All the way to place of strandedness, I sat next to a famous actor on the train, who was the epitome of politeness and civility during the train journey from hell to everyone around him. Ever pestered, not once, did he express irritation (and we were all hot, irritated and fed up in the Famous Train Sardine Can).

So, from now on, just for perspective, I loathe you more than Famous Train Service. And despite Train Travelling's damnedest efforts to ruin my day, it's been fabulous.

I am not writing with news of our pending divorce, that's for tomorrow. But I do want to record that today is a day when I've learnt my life is better for you not being in it.

It truly is.

Zen Wife.

I've spend the past 3 hours reading this and I applaud you.

You are fucking awesome.

That is all.

wwk

Sounds like you had a great day.

fwiw when anything goes awry in my life, my standard response is usually "fuck" and a ciggie!

Giz a clue.... who was the famous one on the train nosy