Dear XH come November,
Today is the four month anniversary of your leaving. I thought I should record my thoughts on that.
Forgive me, please, for having my own thoughts.
But I am introspective these days. I am acutely aware that your influence on my life is diminishing. I am dog tired of untangling the mess you've left me in - but also realising from your last email, that you are grasping at straws to keep control.
Forgive me, please, for doing what I have to do.
You've unleashed all manner of hell in the last four months. You still assume you are the man in charge: and me supplicant to you. But our marriage was a joint affair - I contributed just as much as you did. Get over your shortcomings.
After all, I'm coming round to the fact that I'm rather glad your shortness has fucked off.
Several neighbours popped over today, or picked up the phone to check all is well. These days that's pretty routine.
I find it amazing, given I've only lived here for 15 months, just how much care and assistance I have received in the last four months. People are really amazing. That said, you're just a person, albeit someone I used to think was an outstanding one.
Now I think you are an outstanding twat. I don't understand you. If you're giving the line "my wife doesn't understand me".
I concur.
I've talked about what I'm having to do with my neighbours/local acquaintances. I told them I will never know why you've done what you've done. But I just have to deal with it. I acknowledged that I still worry about you. They all said the same thing: Fuck him - he's a twat.
I concur.
Forgive me, please, for what I say.
Everything I own, my whole way of life, is now up for sale. I am jobless, husband-less, and where you are concerned, empathy-less. But the community I am in are hugely supporting me; for thinking about what I need, and helping me solve my problems. They haven't changed: they've been like this since day one. I haven't changed either.
But when you fucked off you lost the right to influence what I think, do or say.
It's only now, that I can truly say: just fuck off.
The only thing you have over me is money. And yes, now that you've got your own solicitor, I suspect you've been given the bad news:
You can't control what I think, do or say.
Which is why you have mucked about with the money - the only precious weapon you still believe you have.
Which is why you are now going to be sent a missive to make you put down your ammunition.
I suspect you've be told that all the assets in our names are to be shared.
I suspect you are furious that divorce sucks.
I suspect you are outraged that I'm not as dumb as you need me to be.
And that's why you've done the one thing left to do. How predictable. I anticipated this months ago. In fact, so did my SHL. We were contingent for it. In fact, I asked you three times to mitigate it - and you refused, choosing to take the route of the 'martyr'.
Just like we asked you three times to co-operate with this divorce you instigated.
Now you've taken the cheap trick. It tells me you are running out of options.
Yes, it causes me problems. But, not insurmountable ones.
I'm so over you. Your pathetic attempts to make my life difficult just instill the best of me - I'm great at coping in difficult situations. I keep my head when others lose theirs.
What's ensuring I KOKO, is the fact that I've got tremendous support. I don't have to be bitter, or twisted, or bosom hoiking. I just need to be me.
So, just to remind you, when you fucked off without notice you took your perceived rights to tell me what to think, do and say.
They were only your perception anyway.
I genuinely loved you.
These days I genuinely despise you.
I am free to think, do and say. My only regret is that I remain in law, married to you.
November can't come soon enough. Please, forgive me, but I'm relying on you to make sure it happens. I don't want to be attached to you in 2015.
Quite frankly, I don't need the liability.
Your independently thinking, acting and doing wife.