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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dear STBXH

973 replies

WellWhoKnew · 10/05/2014 22:44

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

OP posts:
Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 03/09/2014 16:40

Don't say that getthefeckouttahere - I was actually thinking last night that people keep making predictions on here - and they come true!

I'm guessing they are less predictions and more life experiences. Divorce is so new to me, I am the only one who is surprised every single time this goes pear shaped. It should be so simple! Fill in form. Tick box. Sign name. Get divorced.

Mrs Naivety is quick to learn though - I read other people's threads and see that they are about to go to divorce and think (Hold to your hats, the ride is a shocker!). At least it's a timetabled divorce. We are aiming to have the financials resolved next year - as now it doesn't suit us to settle any earlier. Isn't it funny how the worm turns?!?

Anyway, I was in a good mood - I've been for tea and cake with another neighbour, and he gave me jam! Then I've just come home to be presented with yet another problem...so I've added to the list of things to discuss with the solicitor....Fucker.

I do think you're right that he's in a blind panic. So was I four months ago when he dropped me into this mess. These days I'm just serene...(sometimes!).

OP posts:
Loriens · 03/09/2014 23:58

So sorry to read he is still playing silly games, KOKO.

whitsernam · 04/09/2014 00:39

He never thought the law applied to him; why should it? He gets away with so much... so now he is desperate. You are so well rid.

startinoveronmyway · 04/09/2014 07:09

It's amazing what strength we have when we HAVE to be strong....... I bet you never would have thought 4 months ago how strong you are today. You are doing brilliantly and I am rooting for you all the way! KOKO

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 17:02

Dear STBXH,

I have taken the difficult to decision to molest you on matters of personal administration, which you have previously decreed that you must be consulted on.

I await your fuckwittery.

In the interim, can you wind up the Internet machine and send your Form E.

Wife, busy personally administrating.

OP posts:
AltheaVestrit · 04/09/2014 18:42

Hi WWK

Can you just confirm what I read on another thread you posted on?

That STBXH has stated that all the money ever made available to you during your marriage was actually A LOAN? And he wants it repaid?

If true, it takes the biscuit.

Have some Cake

Wow, just wow.

FantasticButtocks · 04/09/2014 18:58

I await your fuckwittery. Grin

It must be a relief to you to discover that you no longer love this idiot him.

Well, well well bloody done! Thanks

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 18:59

Yep! That is true - although not all the money available to me during the marriage, just a very large chunk of money that he spent during the marriage on marital capital assets and which I may now benefit from when we divorce.

And he keeps the assets in his name. Go figure...

I think I'm allowed to keep the fresh air and rainwater I've lived on years....

But he's so very changeable that sometimes I'm scared when it rains for long periods Wink.

OP posts:
freshstart4us · 04/09/2014 19:43

WellWhoKnew I've said it before and I'll say it again - you're amazing!

The idiocy of your stbxh however does leave me gasping for air.

Sending you another Wine to help blur the edges a little...xx

Karenthetoadslayer · 04/09/2014 20:01

Hi WWK [lemsip] same here!

I too have been informed via solicitor's correspondence that everything I bought since 2001 (when I started working for the family business) belongs to him, because he paid my salary. I wonder if he goes round all the other staff's slaves' houses claiming their assets.

Karenthetoadslayer · 04/09/2014 20:06

And while you are at it, could you please send a second set of instructions how to operate a computer and print off 12 months' of bank statements to Toad? 20point letter size please with lots of pictures.

Whereisegg · 04/09/2014 20:24

This thread is enthralling and horrifying in equal measure, you are bloody well inspiring wwk! Thanks

Karenthetoadslayer · 04/09/2014 20:30

Whereisegg that's so true.

Bogeyface · 04/09/2014 20:31

Hang on, have I got this right?

YOU have to pay HIM back half of the value of the assets acquired during the marriage and HE gets to keep the assets? So you get to pay twice (once out of marital money and once "paying him back") and gets to pay nothing but keeps the assets?

I am sorry, I cant get my head around that one, that anyone would be such a fuckwit that they would think that that is perfectly acceptable! No wonder your SHL and the judge had a field day with him!

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 21:03

Sort of, Bogey. He keeps the assets in his name. I give him the assets in my name but in May, before I got a SHL, I could keep 60% of them (e.g. to sell when I needed the money).

Each time my SHL has written to him, the proportion of the assets I could have 'fairly and generously' was reduced.

Until finally, just when SHL and I were busiest preparing the divorce petition (mine) and me trying to sort out how to finance the payment of - I was left brassic after all. He made a very 'fair and generous' offer stating:

The petitioner gets 80% of the large assets, and 100% of the smaller assets.

I had 7 days to accept.

Thankfully, I prevaricated. This is a useful life skill because before he made that very generous offer, he had completed the now second divorce petition and submitted it, which arrived the day before I was due to go to my solicitors to sign my divorce paperwork.

Therefore, it can be assumed he is now claiming 80% of the large assets in my name and all the small assets in my name. I have yet to claim anything because the fucker won't send his Form E!

His 'defence' of his stance is that all the assets in my name were loaned to me. Now he has decided he wants out of the marriage, I need to sell them to repay the loans. The current value of the loans is the purchase price of the capital assets, most of which have depreciated, and a few of which have appreciated. I am effectively in 'Net Equity' by virtue of this loan.

The emergence of this loan only began when he was informed that I was taking him to court for spousal maintenance....

Until he can establish whether or not there is any truth to this loan, all of the assets can be sold but I have to put all of the proceeds into an escrow account.

So effectively yes - he will 'kindly' allow me to write off the 'loans' on condition I give him X percentage of these assets acquired in the marriage, and do not make any claim on the assets in his name.

As I said, I'm waiting on fuckwittery this evening. I can't do wine tonight because I have a 'reality check' appointment that I'm not going mad in the morning.

I used to be an intelligent, very well educated woman who didn't suffer fools gladly. After 15 years of marriage, she is coming back to life!

OP posts:
Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 21:11

Net Equity should be "negative equity" and with no current income, I have no way of paying for anything...but apparently his financing of the marriage at no time paid for any of my living costs.

I have therefore proven the MumsNet boast that a chicken can feed a family of four for a month.

I have lived on fresh air and rainwater for years.

OP posts:
Karenthetoadslayer · 04/09/2014 21:42

But he is so generous! I had 45 minutes to accept (we left after 5 minutes) from 14:45 until 15:30.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/09/2014 22:10

WWK my head is spinning just trying to understand his fuckwittery. Was this all done under the advice of a solicitor or out of his own stupidity initiative?

I admit that maths are not my strong suit, but his 'division of assets' and 'loans' sounds like the fuzziest of maths yet devised by troglodyte man.

Original poster
WellWhoKnew · 04/09/2014 22:32

Dunno Across it has always been believed he is getting some assistance with the paperwork because of the contents of his correspondence.

However, there's never been any evidence aside from him saying he's getting a solicitor, that he's got a solicitor, and then none being forthcoming. [And repeat for the three months].

The first time we were certain he has got a solicitor was a week before Form E point of the timetable was due asking if we could exchange early.

There remains no exchange, and no further communication from his solicitors at all, aside from a phone call from my SHLs firm to ask if they were still instructed, which they confirmed they were.

I live in a constant state of bewilderment - hence the weekly 'am I going mad' meetings, which confirm that I in fact am not going mad.

I rather suspect that he may not be getting substantial sensible advice because of the very odd decisions that he has made, but on the other hand, he's made a few interesting ones that have given us pause for thought.

I have a SHL, it's her job to deal with this, it is mine to make sure I don't put a foot wrong.

Some days I work really hard.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 05/09/2014 07:51

As I said on the other thread it's a shame you can not invoices for 'services rendered' i.e. cooking, cleaning Ect during your marriage.

EarthWindFire · 05/09/2014 08:00

My DPs ex can beat that one. They wanted 100% of everything after a very long marriage. Why?... Because she should Shock You can guess what DPs solicitors reaction was to that one and what the Judge thought when she spouted that out in court!

captainmummy · 05/09/2014 08:20

What a deceitful bastard - allowing a very generous offer to the 'petitioner', rushing it past you (the petitioner) and then making himself the petitioner at the last minute (hoping you'd signed...) words fail me.

How long can he keep this up? Once it's been decided at great cost that in fact the 'loan' was a marriage and living costs, what next? All it's doing it racking up your SHLs costs (which I believe he has to pay?) Angry

Karen - your solicitor is going along with the stupidity that your stuff is his because he paid your wages?

Karenthetoadslayer · 05/09/2014 10:06

His solicitor informed us that my wages are in fact his money.

captainmummy · 05/09/2014 11:18

Sorry - i meant your solicitor

It's unbeleivable. How can someone trained in Law think such...such...

lost for words......

captainmummy · 05/09/2014 11:18

Oops HIS solicitor

3rd time lucky

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