Dear STBXH,
Yesterday, you broke me. You took me back to day 1. The most precious of "things" we had was taken away, and the same day something utterly symbolic was also removed. Everyone who turns up to remove our 'capital assets' have been very nice people, whether they've come from near or far.
And yet, I ended up married to you. Where the fuck did I go wrong?
Your surprise divorce petition reads as 'woe is me'. What kind of pitiful human are you? Really?
I ignored you one night over a year ago; I didn't understand you buying pills online; I once shouted at you in front of your family - once (and recently, when you had had your sudden personality transplant); I asked you to make some phone calls.
All of these caused you 'upset and hurt'.
It's not like I shagged anyone else. I never hit you, I never lied to you, I never gambled, I never beat the children or the animals. I never even had a shopping habit.
I couldn't: you ran the bank accounts.
They have no idea that you are the driving force for the sales, or of my despair. After all, they haven't done anything wrong. I treat them as decent human beings: it's not their fault they are benefiting from the demise of my life as I knew it.
Everything I have, every asset in my name, is now sold or up for sale. I have lost my marriage, my best friend, my home, my career, my future, my dreams and my hopes.
How is your sex life? Is your dick working now?
Oh, no - I can't ask. After all, I'm also being divorced for asking whether or not you were having an affair. You made that my fourth crime. Me not asking after your health also made it into the divorce petition.
So that makes six.
Technically, if you've had sex since we last did, just before you fucked off, I can still cross petition - for adultery. So be careful who you boast to, because you'll be paying the court fees all over again.
Isn't the law a wonderful thing?
But I'll KOKO.
And yet, I am still making arrangements for you and your belongings to be reunited - and you're pissed off I won't give you free storage in my home. You're bleating to everyone how selfish I am.
More to the point - you have yet to pay the rent, your maintenance is late.
But the upswing of being forced to sell the capital assets, is that I don't have to move them to the client account until you pay the maintenance.
As an aside, Team WWK is now welcoming a Financial Advisor. The best deals they can get for my savings is 3.4%. You know that court ordered late payments come with a surcharge of 8%.
Be as late as you want, my dear, it makes for an amazing investment.
Put 'prison time' on you bucket list.
Hilariously, I've just completed my Form E - something you are uncannily occupied about - and with your maintenance payments: I am now 'earning' more than I have ever done when I worked. And when I worked, I worked hard. You asked me to give up my career. You know exactly where it took me. You know exactly what award I was given for it.
And yet, I prized you.
No one can take my award away from me. Not. even. you.
When I'm a snotty mess on the floor, dealing with the demise of our marriage - I am the epitome of the women you hate.
I am learning to like your hate.
Wife, calculating.