Dear STBXH

[WellWhoKnew]

Thank you for trying to save me costs of divorce by selecting a solicitor for me and by covering their costs, you are doing me a favour, I know.

Thank you for being fair by offering to take only 40% of the assets in my name to enable a quick resolution to the end of the marriage, which is what you want.

Of course, I realise that the assets in your name aren't mine because you are the man. Sorry you are THE MAN. I do keep getting things wrong, so I perfectly understand that you want a divorce.

All the same, thank you for offering me a speedy divorce by asking me to agree that we have been separated for two years so that I can move on with my life. Okay, we both know it's less than two weeks in actualment since you walked. I remain in shock but I'm so grateful that you have my best interests at heart during this difficult time.

So, Soon To Be Ex-Husband, thank you.

Because you are a twat and I'm so much better off without you.

Wow what a thread! Have just read the whole thing while I was supposed to be watching my kids swimming lesson! Looking forward to updates. Well done OP!

Just read the whole thread too, you are amazing. Wishing you the best of luck.

WWK...

Please can I come to the court and watch your STBXH squirm while you emerge phoenix-like from the ashes of the relationship?

I promise to sit quietly at the back and silently cheer you on.

I'm not sure that they allow people into the court room in divorce cases (from what I've gathered) but I'll be sure to write to him my inner-most thoughts afterwards...

I am REALLY looking forward to that 'Dear STBX' letter outlining his 'courtroom demeanor'. It will be funnier than a Monty Python sketch, I'm positive!!!!

It will be a trying day for you, I'm sure. But your iron-will and confidence will carry you through.

fuck you thread

well said
x

Just delurking to wish you all the best tomorrow. I've been exactly where you are, and can raise with all your emotions, grom beginning to end. It ay get harder yet, but DO NOT give in, and let your amazing SHL do her stuff to the max.

Much love and strength to you

*empathise with, even. Not 'raise'

Oh. I've just re read all of that. My spellcheck hates me.

Could be worse - you husband could hate you!

OP, you're fantastic. And I now vow to you that I will adopt this attitude whenever dealing with my ex partner in future. Seriously write a book. You're fucking fantastic.

My actual EX husband >>small dance of pure joy

We aim to please...and we succeed!

Good luck, WWK!

he doesn't hate 'you'. he hates the charicature of you he's had to mentally construct in order to justify his own actions and make himself the good guy or the victim i'd guess.

but it isn't you. none of this is really about 'you'. whatever version of you he's talking to is one made up in his head - if he was really seeing or hearing or comprehending 'you' he'd have to face him.

Dear STBXH (the Good Guy and Victim),

Still no sign that you've instructed a solicitor and hired a barrister to cross-examine me in court. Not long to go...

But that's got me thinking about fairy tales.

Dear Mr Snowy Whitey,

Hi ho, Hi ho
It's off to court we go
(whistles)
Hi ho, Hi ho, Hi ho

At the court's opening, Barrister representing Queen WWK informs the Judge that Evil Queen WWK is now the fairest in the land. The angry Mr Snowy Whitey, orders his absent and reluctant legal representative to take Queen WWK into the forest and force her to live in a caravan for the rest of her days. He further orders the absent yet still reluctant legal representive to return with an affidavit, signed with kisses as proof that they have been separated for two years.

The absent and reluctant legal representative encounters Queen WWK but decides not to harm her. He tearfully begs for her forgiveness, revealing Mr Snowy Whitey wants her to live in punery, and urges her to flee into the woods and never come back, instead bringing back knowledge of the facts of the case instead.

Lost and frightened, Queen WWK is befriended by Mumsnet Creatures who settle her into a Vipers' Nest in the Forest. The Vipers' Nest is is inhabited by lots of Mumsnet Creatures, none of whom are called Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, or Dopey.

Queen WWK awakes to see through the fog of her marriage. She is welcomed after they learn she can cook and clean beautifully (not sure about this bit?!?!?), but also writes rather well. Queen WWK cooks, cleans, and keeps house because she has nothing better to do. The Mumsnet Creatures mine for jewels and at night sing, play music and dance (drink Gin and swear a lot).

Meanwhile, the Mr Snowy Whitey discovers that Queen WWK is still alive and living in a Naice House,

Her SHL again says she is the fairest in the land. Using magic to disguise herself as an old hag (Gin, Wine and fags), Queen WWK discovers she has paid for a poisoned apple (in tablet form) on the internet unbeknowst to her - "Are you sure you want to eat those?" She asked, the embodiment of naivety and stupidity, having read the receipt in her email account.

The EVil Queen WWK had no idea that it would put whoever eats it into the "Permanently Angry Rage"

The "Permanent Angry Rage" can only be cured by the power of "DIVORCE" on Mr Snowy Whitey's terms. Mr Snowy Whitey reasons that this divorce should be no danger to his future plans, as Queen WWK can only benefit from fucking off with no money for a 100 years, it'll teach her a lesson, he says to himself. He can think she is dead, and, besides it's likely she'd freeze to death in a caravan anyway. 'Cognitive Arseholiance' he says to himself - she deserves it, being so freaking useless that she couldn't even keep herself alive on fresh air and rain water.

Meanwhile, reality comes crashing into my little fairy tale. What's really going to happen is my barrister will be cross-examining you in a court appropriate manner, drawing on years of legal training and a close working relationship with my SHL. You're not 'entitled' to legal representation, unlike the common criminal, because this is a civil court action. You don't pay, they don't say.

So you'll be asking me a load of questions directly.

I can see it now:

Judge: And would the respondent like to cross-examine the petitioner?

MrSW: Yes, very much so. Question 1 do you agree that blah blah blah.

WWK: No, what I recall is...

[loudly interrupted by] MrSW: Yes you do. You're just being difficult.

WWK: No, my recollection is...

MrSW: Stop interrupting me, I'm talking. And if you don't like it, you know what you can do.

WWK: No, I'm not sure right now that the most appropriate thing to do is to fuck off.

MrSW: You'll go when I tell you to go. Stop provoking an argument. You always try to wind me up, you're always having a go.

WWK: . I just don't agree with your version of events. My recollection is....

MrSW: ARE YOU SAYING I'M RE-WRITING HISTORY? ARE YOU SUGGESTING I'M LYING. I AM PERFECTION. IT IS YOU THAT IS MAD.

WWK:

Judge: Mr SnowyWhitey: Do you have ANY questions that you wish WWK to answer?

And on and on it will go....

Eventually a medic will call a halt to proceedings because we're all thoroughly bloodied from banging our heads against the nearest hard object (strongly resisting crass joke here).

Oh, well t'is only one day of my life, and I've coped with worse. There was a time when you'd treat me like that and I wanted to remain married to you. A bit like I've been looking at you asking if I was the fairest of them all, and now you've decided I'm not, I am still not fucking off to the caravan.

Now I just see our marriage as a corrupted fairy tale - It sure ain't having a happy ending.

THE no-where-near-the-END.

Hi ho, hi ho it's off to court we go.

We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in a court the whole day through
To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we have to do

It ain't no trick
To get rich quick
If you dig dig dig
With a barrister or your (ex) prick
In a court (In a town)
To get what's mine (mine)

And this is just for maintenance - you've got months to prevaricate over getting a barrister and solicitor before we start the divorce proper.

Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho...

Yours, The Evil Queen WWK.

It's going to be "fun", WWK. But in the end, Mr SnowyWhitey is going to be MrInTheShitey, especially if he continues to represent himself (of course you know what they say about the man who represents himself having a fool for a client )

When is court?

WWK

Absolutely Brilliant!

OMG, I hate to admit it, but I just did a little pee I was laughing so hard.

But you forgot the last line;

"Snowy Whitey fucked off to the far side of the Kingdom of Fuck and Queen WWK lived VERY happily ever after in her lovely castle (with a handsome prince to be named later)".

And the Court banished Mr SnowyWhitey to a teeny tiny caravan in the depths of the Darksome Forest.

Not good enough, Annie.

And the court beat MrSnowyWhitey to a pulp, starting a legal precedent that it was okay to beat up twat asshole husbands who abandon their wives without any income. Known affectionately as Queen WWK's Law.

(I am pissed off today as I've just discovered he has taken receipts from files hindering my effort to sell assets off in order to fund my legal fight). I thought it was bad enough that he took his documents, but mine as well is cunty.

What a complete and utter twatbadger he is, WWK.

Get one of these: www.amazon.co.uk/Kehepr-Games-Ex-Husband-Voodoo-Doll/dp/B0013K64TW and enjoy yourself with the pins/tweezers/red hot poker.

( delurks) How were the items originally paid for? If they were on any card, could you check your statements? Alternatively any insurance valuations around?

You are doing brilliantly.

Hi JS, Thanks for delurking.

Without going into specifics. I'd already discovered that he'd removed all the financial paperwork (pensions, payslips, marriage certs and, funnily enough, insurance documents) that were in either of our names from their place in the office when I was preparing for my first solicitor's appointment. So it tells me he planned this blindsiding.

But just in case there are any other readers here experiencing something similar: I've found every institution that I have rung to get up to date statements/re-issues from have been brilliant when I have honestly explained my situation...the only thing that cost was a new marriage certificate. So fear that not!

Today's quandary is this: let's say we bought six assets A, B, C, D, E, F. A-C were in my name, D-F were bought through his bank account.

All the paperwork for A-F were filed together, in one location, separate from the other paperwork. He was cunning enough to go through and remove D, E, F without telling me (in fact there are a lot more than six receipts in the equation here). I only learnt today because these assets now need to be converted into cash (need is the right word here not because I want the money, but because they have no utility now, and also they are 'resident' in property that he does not own, although, of course, has a claim on).

I'm reacting to this because:

1. It's sly.
2. I presume there are the legal implications of me selling assets that have been cleared through his bank account. See 1).
3. I am now selling assets A, B and C.

So I now have 'his' assets, of which I have a 50% claim on staring at me daily. I know exactly what we paid for them (spreadsheet whore!). I have emails from him demanding I sell assets A-F. He is writing to my solicitor threatening me with consequences if I sell D, E, F.

It is just total fuckwittery. Anyway, I have a plan, it's legal and it's decisive and fair.

I suppose, the reality is that when you learn something new it's a shock. When you have time to think about it, you find a solution. It's just I've yet to find a solution to a problem that he will appreciate. Everytime, I do anything, I get new problems.

You'd have thunk it was me who killed the marriage!

And my post divorce name is going to be Mrs Solution! Anyone got an address for Deed Poll?

Its unbelievable that he's doing a paper trail that contradicts itself in so many ways. And I really don't know how you can respond to it properly. I hope that you're still going to be able to sell the things if you want to?